The Happiness Project

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The Happiness Project

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ― Dalai Lama XIV “Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” ― Marthe Troly-Curtin, Phrynette Married Personal Reflection 

Since starting this book, I have been constantly asking myself, “What makes me happy?”

My answer - I don’t know

I hate this answer. I want to be able to say something, but the truth is there is no ONE thing that makes me happy. 

I am happy when:

I see others happy I see my family and friends achieve their goals I get my paycheck I am dancing I am able to get a good nights rest I finished another semester with school

There are so many variations of happiness and such a wide range. We are all capable of finding happiness. 

It is our own wrongdoings that make us unhappy. Ex. Failed school because I didn’t attend class

I think I always prevented myself from being happy because I was lazy or thought I needed money to make a change or just didn’t actually want to admit something was wrong. 

The first thing I have started doing is working on my list of things that I don’t like about myself, things I want to change, and things that easily upset me. Although I am not brave enough to post the list on my blog, it is something I am actively working on and feel myself taking baby steps. 

What I enjoyed about this book/project - Because it falls at the end of the year, this is helping me to prepare for my New Year’s resolutions, and I am feeling very optimistic about this upcoming year. 

Goals I have already started on; Stop self biases, Recognize happiness, Take small steps, Be active and get rid of energy suckers (constant work in progress), Work on myself - approach things with a positive attitude.

In the back of the book there were 4 different sections that I have been copying and I found very useful; The Happiness Project Manifesto, 8 pages of life tips, Secrets of adulthood, and Paradoxes of Happiness. This is something I recommend everyone to read, or at least take a look over. 

These days social media has such a large influence on a person, I know it does for me, so looking at sites like Instagram or Facebook might make a person start comparing their life to what they are looking at, DON’T. 

I found this to be my biggest negative factor weighing down my happiness. Yes it is nice to dream about what you could have, but you know what would be better? Working your butt off, not comparing, and achieving that goal on your own. 

There is a site I follow on Instagram, and coincidentally I was looking at my Instagram feed and I saw this post from them come up:

Happiness is contagious, shared joy = double joy. 

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” ― Abraham Lincoln

“Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” ― Marthe Troly-Curtin, Phrynette Married

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” ― Albert Camus

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

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What is Happiness?

After reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, there is one thing I am certain of, happiness is in the eye of the beholder. 

Happiness comes from all areas and aspects of life. 

From The Happiness Project - Areas for added happiness:

Social Settings - Friends, Partner, Children

Self Building Time - Work, School, Play

Mindset - Attitude, Spirituality

Money

Energy

Finding a person’s happiness takes time, it is not something that can come to a person overnight. Finding happiness is learning about yourself, accepting things are not okay about yourself, and that in itself is OKAY.

Change your life without changing your life - Everyone overthinks happiness, to be happy requires dramatic changes - NO!!!! Ask yourself, are you satisfied with the life you have? If not, why? - Change those whys. 

I think happiness comes when a person is willing to accept and let go of the negative and bad things in their life. Things that bring a person down, which allows negative thoughts to come into their thoughts. We are our own worst enemy and negative thoughts can deter a person from attaining the goal they have in mind. 

Yes, everyday is not going to be a ray of sunshine, but getting past those hard days to see another bright and sunny day - that’s the happiness, you survived before, you will survive it again. 

To find happiness start small, one step at a time. Don’t tell yourself “okay, maybe tomorrow” or “I’ll do it later” - DO IT NOW!! Keep this type of mindset and apply to everything you do. Those mundane tasks become easier. That never ending to do list starts to get shorter. That weight you feel on your shoulders begins to feel lighter. That frown you feel, starts becoming a smile. 

Tips for happiness:

Do what makes you happy

Get rid of clutter

Admit and remind yourself when you are happy

Get over disagreements or look the other way

Create a resolution chart

Laugh at yourself 

Celebrate your failures

Starting the journey to happiness:

Create resolutions and start with small steps

Be active

Work on you each day

Happiness will rub off on others

Take care of your friends and open up your social circle

Slowly start setting larger goals - this can boost a persons motivation and happiness

Enjoy your free time

Money can’t guarantee happiness, but it can help

Meditate

The power to find happiness is within us all, but we have to first recognize what happiness is to us and take the necessary steps to make it happen. 

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December - Boot Camp Perfect

Happiness

In the final month of Gretchen’s project, she takes the time to recap everything she had put together throughout the year - Gretchen’s review month. She takes the time to reflect on her ups and downs, her accomplishments and failures, and stick to all the resolutions she made for herself. 

She was able to find her biggest boosts in happiness happened when she rid herself of bad behaviors, feelings, and thoughts. She found some of these things were: getting rid of clutter, stop snapping, nagging, eating food bad for her health, gossiping, and controlling her attitude. 

She came up with two splendid truths:

“One of the best ways to make myself happy is to make other people happy” and  “One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy myself”

She learned that wanting to be happy should not be considered a selfish goal, because it falls directly in line with her second truth. 

But she found what was most effective was her resolution chart. This chart kept her goal in mind and continued to look over it each day to create the changes she wanted for herself. 

It has only been a month since I started reading The Happiness Project, so I can’t comment YET on my changes or accomplishments, it is still a work in progress. 

What I enjoyed the most about reading this last chapter for Gretchen was the accomplishments she could see within herself. Change is not an easy thing, and it is definitely not something that happens overnight. I think her truths were a wonderful conclusion to come too.

What stuck with me the most was her conclusion: Think negative, be negative. Think happy, be happy.

I have started working on my own resolution chart, but it is still in the making. But this is something I plan to have completed before the New Year.

Like mentioned before, change is not easy. But if a person can keep an open mind and an open heart anything is possible. If a person really wants to make a change for the better they will put in the work that is needed. 

“A person doesn’t need to change their whole life to change for the better, just everyday little things can make a difference.”

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November - Keep A Contented Heart

Attitude

Through November Gretchen looks over the way she approaches things, bringing her thoughts from October into play. She forces herself to look at things from a happier and non-negative point of view. Even if she didn’t feel like laughing out loud, she would force herself too. She discovered there were certain habits she had that were negative and addicting. For example, in a conversation, she would look for ways things were the opposite or not true of whatever the person was saying. 

Suggestions for a better attitude:

Laugh out loud

Use good manners

Give positive review - Find the positive in everything

Find an are of refuge

I honestly do this all the time. I am more of the glass half empty than glass half full type of person. I always see the bad/negative in things rather then the good/positive side. I have to learn how to count my blessings, because there is always someone out there that is having a harder day than you are. 

Something I am extremely grateful for, I have a friend that has been helping me to see the positive side of things. He has been helping me and showing me ways that he pays attention to the blessing that have came into his life. It is hard to change this type of attitude when it has been pretty much all you’ve known, but another downside of thinking this way, it can make a person extremely sad and depressed. 

After what I read in this book, what I am learning from my friends, and just overall pushing myself to think more positive - My goal to start working on is finding more occasions and reasons to laugh out loud. To start taking a view to the world that my glass is half full and that is more than I’ll ever need. There was one saying I read:

“ As long as you have a roof over your head, clothes on your back and food on your table and those around you who love you, you have all you'll ever need”  

I need to remember during those bad times - it is just a bad day, not a bad life. There is always an upside to thing, it’s just a matter of perspective. 

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October - Pay Attention

Mindfulness

In October Gretchen she comes across the book “The Art of Happiness” by The Dalai Lama. She learns how to stop with all the noise and distractions going on around her, and stops to enjoy and think about the little things in life. The simple things; pushing her baby in the stroller, catching beautiful moments with her family, helping her baby climb the stairs. 

Suggestions of how to find mindfulness:

Meditate on koans

Examine true rules

Stimulate the mind in new ways

Keep a food diary 

Gretchen made suggestions on how to make a true rule list, that is inline with oneself. These are rules that one person can learn, even if it may not be an everyday thing they do. 

I enjoyed this chapter because it reminded me to just stop. Sometimes life gets so ahead of us, that we start to get lost in the dust. We wake up, we go to work, we eat dinner and shower, and then we go to bed. It is an endless robotic cycle. I hate this feeling, where I’m standing in place but I feel like I’m moving a million miles a second. 

Finding mindfulness is so important in finding balance and happiness. I have never been one for meditation, but it might be something I could try. I started thinking of true rules that I could make for myself. It is a little more difficult for me, I don’t have kids or similar priorities to Gretchen. But with everything that I am learning from this book, I have found new rules that I can start making for myself.

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September - Pursue A Passion

Books

In the month of September Gretchen reviews another way to find happiness, through something you’re passionate about. For Gretchen it was through books. In order to pursue a passion, a person has to find their passion. Through the month she tries to take on a few mini projects:

Write a novel

Make time

Forget about results

Master a new technology

She found at the end of September, it was her most happiest months. She was able to tackle things she told herself she couldn’t do before, or found ways to not give herself enough time to complete. 

For me, this is always one subject I have the hardest time completing. As Gretchen mentioned, everyone’s passion will be different. My passion is not books, it is dancing. I have always turned to music and dancing whenever I felt stressed, sad, mad, or just wanted to get out of my mind for a little while. When she talks about making time for your passions, I consider myself somewhat of a procrastinator, I have always tried to put off things I want/need to do due to being lazy. But then it ends up just adding onto my to do list, which gets longer and longer the more I put things off. I need to change this. I cannot expect that I will find happiness if I keep pushing it to the side. 

What I am going to start working on - I have been telling myself I wanted to get back into dance, learn new moves, and overall get my workout on. I am going to start going over my schedule and make exact time each week for me to focus on only dancing. It’s kinda like getting started at a gym, you have to motivate yourself to do it, or it may never happen. 

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August - Contemplate The Heavens

Eternity 

Through the month of August Gretchen explores the the spiritual side of life. She learns we all must be able to admit we need happiness in our lives and not be afraid to let it in. But we must also not take things for granted.

She came up with the idea “The days are long, but the years are short”

She came across the book The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama. She found pausing for life and self reflection - be grateful, write down one thing you are grateful for each day. 

Suggestions:

Read memoirs of catastrophe

Keep a gratitude notebook

Imitate a spiritual master

I found this chapter to be very useful. In these times our lives are all so busy and filled with “clutter”. I work 2 jobs, go to school full-time, and still try to make time for a social life. Sometimes things get too ahead of myself and I feel myself crumbling. 

I have learned to use my past failures or “catastrophes” to reflect on. What did I do wrong? How did I let it get to that point? What can I do to make sure that doesn’t happen again? 

With the amount of things I try to take on at once, of course it is going to feel like the world is caving in around me. But if I take the time to really focus on what I am doing, manage my time correctly, and plan ahead for disruptions - I found I can really make some positive progress. And like we learned in March - when we accomplish things and declutter our to do list - it is a self accomplishment and boosts happiness. 

We only have one life that we live, I would like to say I lived rather than survived. 

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July - Buy Some Happiness

Money

This chapter Gretchen reviews the relationship between money and happiness. She explains how money can help, but it does not buy happiness. 

Suggestions about money

Indulge in a modest splurge

Buy needful things

Spend out

Give something up

The teachings of money

Maximizers and Satisficers 

Underbuyers and Overbuyers

Spenders and Keepers

Buyers and Discarders 

Gretchen explores each of these teachings and goes more in depth about the characteristics each type of spender has. She continue to talk about how money is like health, there is no guarantee of happiness, but when a person doesn’t stress about it, it can make life easier. A good amount of money is needed for life security - spending money on the right things (gyms, healthy diet, social events) - and not splurging on the temporary happiness. 

I will admit, the topic of money is hard for me. I am an over-buyer, a spender, and a buyer that just keeps buying. Many of the things I have purchased in the past either still have the tags on them, is collecting dust, or I put it somewhere I just don’t know where. 

This made me analyze a lot of things. Gretchen explains how little splurges takes us to a level of happiness and then it goes back down to where it used to be. Is the reason I do so much “splurging” is because I’m chasing that level of happiness that I want to be at? Am I that unhappy where I feel like money is the only thing that can bring me happiness? And then after this is done and I see how empty my bank account has become - that level of happiness falls almost three times as much as it was when I was spending - so in the end I am the one losing. 

This chapter makes me want to understand how to splurge the correct way, when I don’t get left with a depressing bank account in the end. The teachings of money was the biggest eye opener for me.. You don’t realize things until someone explains it to you from a different/outside view. 

I want to be able to afford things when I see them, I want to travel the world and make the most of the things I already have. My goal is to start creating a better savings plan, one where I can live a fun and comfortable life.

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June - Make Time For Friends

Friendship

In June Gretchen reflect about friendship. She explains the more important interpersonal trait to have is friendship. Interpersonal traits help with predicting life satisfaction, and friends are an essential part of a happy life. 

Suggestions for friendship:

Remember birthdays

Be generous

Show up

Don’t gossip

Make 3 new friends

One thing I have definitely learned over the last year, you need to purposely make time for friends!!

I recently had a falling out with one of my best friends, happy to say we are friends again =) But previous to that, she is my best friend and I wanted to understand what went wrong between us. Communication is a huge thing when it comes to friendship - especially if you two are close. Let your friends know what is going on, if you’re busy, sad, or just feel like being along. Don’t cut them out of your lives because they may not be there when you really need them the most if you do so. 

The best way to be happy is to make others happy. The best gift you can give to your friends is your time. Motivate them, encourage them, be that shoulder to cry on or the ear to listen. 

My best experiences is when a best friend becomes like family. They know you better than you know yourself. They want to help you become a better person, they want to elevate you and see you succeed. Friendships can be delicate at times, but it’s how you show appreciation for your friends where the true happiness will come from. 

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May - Be Serious About Play

Leisure 

In this chapter, Gretchen talks about things she found to do in her free time to bring her happiness. 

She states having free time that is full of fun can bring definite happiness. The word “Fun” has so many different meanings to each person, but realizes a lot of people compare their lives to that of their friends, family, or others on social media - this can lead to negativity. A person should focus and find something they truly enjoy doing, something they have been doing for a long period of time. 

Suggestions about leisure:

Find more fun

Take time to be silly

Go off the path

Start a collection

New things = Happiness = Finding your own path

Personal enjoyment is doing something without a purpose to it. 

For me, one thing I’ve always enjoyed whenever I had the moment - dancing. I am by no means a professional, I honestly don’t even consider myself good. But what I know is when I dance I feel free. If I am having a bad day, I just put a song that fits my mood and start putting together a routine. I think people should always find something they can “escape” too. It should not be about comparing what other people have - everyone is on their own path and timeline. We all achieve happiness in different ways. 

One thing I am going to start doing more to try and achieve more happiness - I want to have scheduled free time to continue practicing my dancing. I have truly never been unhappy once while I’ve been dancing, and I feel by make this part of my routine will allow me to get a boost of happiness each day instead of only once in a while.

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April - Lighten Up

Parenthood

In the fourth chapter Gretchen talks about her experiences as a mom in raising her two daughters. 

She found the happiness adults get from their children isn’t from a specific moment, but overall in the long run. She found when parents act happily with their children they are happy. Parent find joy in spending quality time with their children. 

Like any other parents, it is not easy raising kids, it is going to have it’s ups and downs and it can take a toll on a person’s mood. Gretchen made a few suggestions on how to not let the bad moments overrule the good ones:

Sign in the morning 

Acknowledge the reality of people’s feelings

Be a treasure house of happy memories

Take time for projects

There is no greater joy than being a parent, but one must remember it is a jog not a race - it comes with time. Kids grow up so fast, and all of it can be gone in a blink of an eye - make the most of the moments you have with your kids, create a loving and memory filled house, create traditions that your kids will pass down to theirs.

I personally do not have any kids, I would love to have at least two some day - when I am ready. But I do have a large household where most of them are kids, and many friends with children. I can understand why parenthood is difficult - there are so many things that need to be taken care of. 

I feel as a parent, I want to give my child/children everything I could not have and more. The bond between parent and child is something that can be so strong. I never had a close with relationship with either of my parents, I was too scared to talk to them about certain things, I would avoid conversations with them, and I never really knew I could turn to them when I felt like crying. When I have my children I want them to know they can come to me for anything, I want our house to be an open door household.

I learned this all to late with my mom. She passed away in July 2015, and I have been missing her everyday. Towards the end her and I got really close and started to have that relationship that I always wanted, but by then it was too late. 

In relation to happiness, because I do not have kids I had to find a way to try her suggestions - so I tried singing in the morning. On my way to work, I would put on one of my favorite songs in my car and just sing. I found myself walking into work in a better mood, still sleepy, but more cheerful than before. 

Although I cannot relate with having kids, I can see the joy in my family and friend’s eyes when they look at their kids, its an describable feeling that I am look forward to in the future 

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March - Aim Higher

Work

In this chapter Gretchen tackles the subject of work. She relates money to health and happiness. 

She analyzes how work and happiness are constantly linked in our world today. At work we have friends, learn and grow, and is a source of self-confidence and/or recognition. A motivation Gretchen would use, despite if she was having a bad day - when she got something done at work she would self praise herself for getting through it, and completing that task was a reward in itself. A strong recommendation she makes is to find a job you enjoy, whatever you’re passionate about - this can be a great origin for happiness. 

Within work a person unknowingly tackles new challenges, expands their minds, and takes on new things that can become the foundation for finding ways to happiness. A person’s mind can be stimulated by positive challenges - the end result is unexpected satisfaction. Setting deadlines and creating self goals within your career, and then completing it has the ability to make someone extremely proud and give them self a small energy boost.

Suggestions Gretchen makes:

Launch a blog

Enjoy the fun of failure

Ask for help

Work smart

Enjoy now

Currently I am still trying to find the “happiness” in my job. I don’t necessarily enjoy the work I do, but I enjoy the people I work with - They bring me happiness. I definitely strongly agree with what Gretchen said in the book about completing each task or deadline at work feels like a small victory. I know at work, when I finally check off each task as completed as my day goes on I feel relief. Just like with homework, I don’t like feeling the pressure of having all these things I know I need to do, it gives me really bad anxiety. 

Although school is not exactly work, I feel the same amount of pressure if not more. The pressure to graduate has never felt more real for me - My family is constantly nagging me, because my younger sister has already graduated but I haven’t. 

I know it probably doesn’t pertain to Gretchen’s life, but one thing the last three chapters have made me thing about is how to juggle all things going on in life. 

I don’t know how people handle so many things at once, and yet still have time to get home and cook dinner for the family. 

All the tips she gave in the chapter have been extremely helpful. I have been practicing the tips she mentioned. I work in IT so there is a lot of failed attempts we see here, but one thing I have been learning is to take it for what it is, but apply it - know what went wrong and the next time try something different. This no longer brings me down, but instead makes me more optimistic to solving problems. 

Take each goal you complete as a win, feel happy with the work you do, and keep your eye on the future and look forward to your next goal.

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February - Remembering Love

Marriage

In this chapter Gretchen looks over her marriage with her husband. Throughout this chapter Gretchen would analyze the different biases she felt within her marriage. She found we all carry negative biases, which can lead to having more negative experiences than positive experiences. 

Recommendations:

Quit nagging

Don’t expect praise or appreciation

Fight right

No dumping

Give proofs of love

Happy People = Longer Lasting Relationships Happy Relationships = Feeling Happiness Everywhere

Gretchen’s two basic insights:

You can’t change your partner, but you can work on yourself

What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while

Small changes can be made, such as changing negative words to more neutral or a positive spin, keep bad habits out of the relationship, and stop unnecessary arguments. 

Studies found in the chapter:

It takes at least 5 positive actions to overcome 1 negative action

A negative experience or feeling lingers longer and faster than a happy one

I have never been married, but I have been in a relationship where it was very unhealthy for both of us. I found myself making many of these mistakes, and now have a better understand why we couldn’t make things work. One thing I kept hoping to read more about in this chapter was about communication. I know when it comes to marriage, many people are already past that “relationship” stage. But because that is where I personally am, that’s about as far as I can relate. 

I am currently in a strange situation with my love life. Ever heard that saying - right person, wrong time? - Exactly what I am going through. With that being said, I feel like this chapter is helping me to prepare for my next relationship. There is no right or wrong way to develop a relationship with someone, but it’s how two people make it work. I remember there was a quote I read about how our generation instead of trying to work together through the hard times, we just throw it out and find a new one that is not broken. I absolutely hate that. I am a strong believer - if two people are meant to be together, they will be. 

One fun thing my friend’s and I used to use was something called the 5 love languages - I feel no matter what stage you are; single, in a relationship, married, etc. it really helped you to understand more about what you need when it comes to love. You really learn more about who you are as a person too.  Give it a try!! 

https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

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January - Boost Energy

Vitality 

In the book the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin - She explores what true happiness is and how to attain in throughout a year. 

This chapter talks about the effects of having energy and what it can do for a person’s body. 

Suggestions from Gretchen that she did to create happiness:

Go to bed early 

Exercise more

Get rid of clutter (there are many different types of clutter)

Complete something on your to-do list that has been bothering you

Do things with more energy

Gretchen’s findings after trying these suggestions - she found she had a mental boost of energy, which boosted her overall happiness. 

Happiness = Energy Being Energetic = Higher Self Esteem

Personal Experience - When I feel tired or stressed, everything feels like it is twice as hard as it should be. 

It is no argument that when you feel happy you feel unstoppable. Each day is a new journey, but it is up to our mindset and how we decide to act that can determine how the day goes. One quote I’ve read that always stuck with me:

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” -  Ralph Waldo Emerson

I’ve learned life is too short to be mad, there is so much more things in the world that can be beautiful and fulfilling, it all just depends on the way you look at it. 

When a person feels energetic, they want to engage in other activities, such as socializing or events, which can create more moments of happiness. More energy = More happiness

Did you know when you lack sleep it weakens your immune system, can make you forget memories, and slows down your metabolism? I didn’t... No wonder my mind hasn’t been as sharp as it used too. 

Being outdoors can raise energy levels and help with clarity if our brains are too cluttered with “mess”

This was proven to me in a short experience - I have been taking on a lot recently, and felt like everything around me was crumbling down. When I said enough was enough and felt like running away I went for a walk. It was only about a 30 minute walk, but the clarity I got for it was simply amazing.  When I first started walking I started going over all the lists of things I needed to do, then I got startled by a bee. At first I got upset because I had to start thinking about my lists all over again, but then I just stopped. I noticed all the flowers around where I was walking, I noticed my neighbor’s cute dog, and I noticed how beautiful the sky was. And just like that all my worries seemed to disappear. Although it was temporary, when I got back from my walk I was able to think with a clearer and more organized head. 

One other important thing I learned from this chapter - get rid of clutter!! I like to keep unnecessary things, I always told myself  “oh you might need this one day” or “you’re going to wear this at this event” - These days never came in 2 years!! When I felt stressed all the clutter around me seemed like as if it were caving in on me, giving me more anxiety. Letting go of useless things physically helped me to get mentally balanced again. Putting off mundane tasks can begin to haunt us if we put it off for too long - weighing down our energy. Get those tasks over with, that way you can start a fresh day and full of energy with nothing to worry about.