#WeatherReport:
“these days, i feel like i’ve finally gotten close to understanding the meaning of this weird, sad feeling in my chest; the calm but slightly grey sky that, instead of bringing me peace — for it’s as silent and safe as a sunday morning — disturbs me enormously. it’s the void. a feeling of nothing, of being completely empty, like i’m slowly fading away, more and more each day that passes by.for a while, after a long time dealing with that feeling, i had concluded that i wanted to die. just recently, though, i’ve found out that, actually, it’s quite the opposite. i don’t wish for death, for it’s as calm and silent as the way i feel right now; i wish for life, as brilliant and crazy as it can be. i NEED to feel alive, i need to move, to dance, to scream, to experience. i’ve been dead for the longest time and now, more than anything, i want to come alive.i’ve been kissing too many glasses and too little people. i’ve been having too much sleep and too little dreams. it’s complicated, because i’m feeling tired and there’s this part of me that keeps telling myself to stay in bed, to shut down, to give up, but still, there’s so many things that i want and that i need to do. so many city lights i need to drive by. so many sunsets to watch. so many recipes to try. so many stories to hear. a thousand others to write. so many people to touch and to be touched by; and to love, love until i ache, feel it grow between my ribs, warm and tender, but also strong, stronger than anything i’ve ever seen. i want to love to the point it feels like i’m overflowing, exploding, burning like a star, brilliant and ferocious, until there’s nothing left. yeah, that’s my greatest wish.for now, i know i’m not supposed to feel this cold, like the clouds aren’t supposed to be as grey and slow as they are in the sky tonight. but one day i’ll find the warmth i’m talking about; or better, i will become that warmth. there will be an explosion and i’ll turn the grey into pink, then orange, then bright red. i just need to find out how. i just need to find the spark that will start this fire.“ —submitted anonymously to The Artidote
artwork by Eliana Esquivel
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