Life gets better
When you spend your whole life feeling alone, you start to think you’re unloveable, bound to live and die alone. Then one day someone comes along and sees all the good you never saw in yourself, someone that for some unknown reason seems to love you and shows you just how much. Love is something that everyone deserves and if everyone had it, maybe the world wouldn’t have been such a dark and miserable place.
—
It’s drizzling gently outside but yet sunlight floods through the large bedroom window and soaks the whole place in a soft glow. In the middle of the bed lies Tommy, eyes shut tight and furrowed brows. After all these years, the past still haunts him. Sometimes it seems like things are getting better, that he is healing and then it all comes back. If he was younger he would have drowned himself in alcohol, drugs and women and no one would dare to question the great Thomas Shelby. He knows that when people hear his name, they have fear and respect for him and sure, some hate him but that hate is more acceptable to him than pity. He doesn’t want pity, doesn’t want people to look at him and see him as vulnerable. It took a lot of hard work to build his reputation.
However those reckless days are over, he has a lot more to lose now. So instead, he keeps his distance from his family on those dark gloomy days and tries to act like everything is fine. Tommy pulls the blanket over his head when he heard the familiar footsteps coming towards him. He doesn’t get to hide for too long as Alfie walks in and pulls the blanket off in one go. ‘What are you doing!’ groaned the younger man as he tries to hide his face under the pillow.
Alfie doesn’t respond and easily scoops Tommy up and out of their room. There is no point in fighting him off so tommy just wraps his arms around him. He lets out a sigh and rubs his face into the warm, comfortable crook of Alfie’s neck. The scent of soap immediately calms his pounding headache.
Just as he gets comfortable, Alfie tries to put him down on their worn off garden chair. The familiar chuckle reminds tommy that he is still clinging onto him. Tommy finally looks up and melts at the fond smile aimed at him. He lets himself be guided back into the reclining chair as a thick warm throw is laid over him.
‘I’ll get us some tea’ said the bearded man and before Tommy can chastise himself for being so clingy, he grabs hold of Alfie’s hand to keep him close. A gentle kiss is placed on his hand ‘I’ll be back soon love’.
A warm hand is placed on tommy’s forehead to soothe the ache as he often does. Tommy sighs in content and reluctantly let’s the taller man go. With his eyes closed, Tommy takes in the scent of the rain and Alfie’s very own rose bushes. He stretches out to feel the rain on his toes and remembers how it all began.
It was like something out of a movie when they discovered this hidden country side cottage. It was a cold winter night, as it always seemed to be in Birmingham. Alfie offered to drive Tommy home while shamelessly inviting himself over to The Garrison. He said that since they are partners, it is only appropriate he see how Tommy runs his business.
For some reason Alfie wanted Tommy to drive together with him. Tommy had no choice but to agree, seeing as he does desperately need a good connection in London. He left his car to Alfie’s driver and prepares himself for a long drive with the unpredictable man, which he knows will require a lot of patience.
The man does not know how to shut up. Tommy has never met someone that can talk as much as Alfie Solomon. Half way through the drive Alfie’s stupid old car breaks down and with no help around, they decided to look for somewhere to stay the night. This cottage being the only place insight, Tommy decided to knock and ask for shelter in the most polite and charming way he can. Lucky for them the elderly couple agreed for the night.
They shared the living room floor and Alfie chewed his brain throughout the night with his rambling. The next day the driver came for them with Tommy’s car. They made their way to Birmingham after thanking the couple and Alfie threatening his driver to ‘better fucking bring this car back to London’.
After seeing Birmingham, Alfie made a few comments regarding ‘the shithole’ as he so eloquently put it and was on his way back to London. ‘Tommy, darling you have got yourself a deal, regardless of this stink hole you call home’. ‘That’s great mr. Solomon, it’s been a pleasure doing business with you’ Tommy replied nonchalantly as they shook hands.
Alfie doesn’t respond, continues to stare ‘mr. Solomon?’ Alfie finally blinks as he finally lets go of Tommy’s hand ‘sure treacle, I guess I will get to look into your pretty blue eyes more often then eh?’.
Once they part ways, Tommy gets on with his life. Days go by and he starts to miss the constant rambling, misses listening to all the nonsense humour and even his flirting. Maybe it’s because Tommy doesn’t really have any friends other than his brothers. No one has spoken to Tommy the way Alfie has in along time. So raw and authentic, it felt good, for the first time he didn’t have to be the gypsy king but just old Tommy again. However Tommy is not one to allow unnecessary attachments so he drowns his thoughts away by keeping busy, keeping the business afloat and tending to the horses.
Alfie seemed to dislike the horses, said they were ‘too fucking big aren’t they and what for, such useless creatures. Now dogs, that’s some great company, I have a dog did you know that? Best dog he is, most loyal companion’ Tommy now knows that Cyril is a bullmastiff and that his head is bigger than Tommy’s tiny waist according to the owner.
—
Tommy snapped out of his thoughts as Alfie comes back and places a tea cup in Tommy’s hand. ‘mind sharing your chair love’ he says, doesn’t even wait for an answer as he wedges himself behind Tommy. He leans back into Alfie’s chest comfortably. One hand on Tommy’s waist as the other strokes his jet black hair. Never thought that he would get to feel this loved, that he would allow himself to be so vulnerable. It’s a blessing tommy doesn’t believe he deserves but Alfie loves him regardless and let’s him know everyday.
—
As soon as Tommy got used life before Alfie Solomon. The calls began to pour in, at first It was about the business, then it became about how to make rum and gin and before you know it they began to talk daily of things nothing to do with the business. None of them verbally mentioned it but they both knew that they were becoming more than friends. When two people are in such situations, they just know, the flirting and sweet talk is so subtle but something was different.
Ada, polly, John and even Arthur began to ask questions, who is Tommy talking to in his office all the time? Who is this Alfie, not the bakery owner is it? Why is he always calling? He is actually laughing! Tommy knew that this was a bad idea, that he shouldn’t get close to someone as unpredictable as Alfie Solomon. If you don’t let people get close, they won’t able to disappoint you. So that’s what Tommy did, he stopped picking up the calls, only responded to Alfie’s letters that concern the business and found himself a woman to keep up appearances.
Grace was fine, she was nice enough and he knows that anyone else would be grateful to have her, but she isn’t Alfie. Alfie who can talk, talk and talk and not bore Tommy one bit. Alfie who is brute, vulgar, smart and yet so funny without even trying. Grace is a proper lady with impeccable manners, a gentle woman who needs courting and is very much like Tommy in some ways.
Before Alfie came into Tommy’s life, he would have rushed to marry Grace in a heartbeat. She is the type of woman that’s been raised to be agreeable. Unlike Alfie who calls Tommy out on his bad behaviour and poor self Preservation skills. So that didn’t last, grace went on to marry a rich American and Tommy couldn’t have been happier for her.
After months of no contact, Alfie turns up at Tommy’s office. The man just barged in without a warning ‘Hello treacle, haven’t heard from you in awhile, thought you finally got yourself killed’ said the broader man. Tommy in a state of shock doesn’t know what to say. Apparently Alfie doesn’t give up easily and Tommy doesn’t know what to do. He clears his throat and lights a cigarette to avoid the piercing glare ‘no, no, not at all mr Solomon, I have just been very busy lately’. Alfie makes himself comfortable and sits down, crossed his arms and leaned in‘ you wound me Tommy, are we back at Mr. Solomon now?’ he teased.
Tommy didn’t respond straight away ‘I heard you got yourself a lady, is that what’s keeping you busy eh?’ Tommy exhales a cloud of smoke as he kept his gaze on the files in front of him ‘Me and Grace have parted ways Alfie, she is great and deserves much more than men like us can provide’. he tried to keep his voice steady and neutral.
Tommy looked up for second to see the relief wash over Alfie. ‘Now what’s that suppose to mean darling, because I, for one am a great provider and I know I’m not as pretty as you but I have been called handsome by many Jewish grandmothers in London’. He continues to answer his own question as Alfie always does ‘unless you are referring to the death and danger of our line of work? That’s what it is, isn’t it? Tommy, I came to plead my case right? I am here to tell you what I really want from you and seeing that you are looking anywhere but me, I take it you know what it’s about’ with the way he spoke, you would think they are discussing the weather and not the matters of the heart. ‘I don’t know what you mean’ Tommy almost whispered. Alfie uncrossed his arms and leaned closer ‘you are a terrible liar darling’ and forced Tommy’s gaze up. ‘Mmh that’s better, missed these blue eyes, bluest I have ever seen’.
Tommy is hundred percent sure that, all they could hear was his heavy breathing and pounding heart. Alfie keeps getting closer and closer until...’Tommy, sweetheart, this is me giving you the chance to stop me, nothing happens until you want it’
He swallows a lump forming in his throat, he can’t say anything. For the first time Tommy Shelby allows himself to do what he truly wants and what he wants is to kiss this man. A man who didn’t give up on him. So he did, closed the small gap between them. You would think a kiss from Alfie Solomon would be rough what with all that beard but tommy found out that his lips are as plump and soft as they look.
That day he felt like some innocent virgin bride getting her first kiss, he could feel the blush creeping up. He didn’t want to stop kissing, with trembling hands he grabbed the back of Alfie’s neck and pulled him closer. Maybe it’s because it was with someone forbidden or maybe he just really, really likes this man, either way it was the best kiss Tommy ever had.
They were inseparable after that, the two spend most of their time between London and Birmingham. After a few months the Shelby household got to meet the infamous wandering jew. Needles to say it didn’t go so well at first, but eventually they all sort of accepted that this man is the one for Tommy.
Alfie turned out to be a gentle giant, very caring. You would think that with his stature and the insanity act, he would be difficult but he is such a softie. Tommy had never felt so well taken care of. Things just felt so natural, If Alfie made dinner and lunch. Tommy would make breakfast and do the cleaning. Alfie would read to Tommy when he couldn’t sleep and Tommy would massage Alfie’s back when it started acting up which often lead to more than a massage.
It wasn’t always this perfect, how could it be when they were both such stubborn people. At the beginning they would argue about everything, from who should visit who, to ‘why don’t you eat more Tommy? Or ‘can you stop inhaling those cancer sticks Tommy!’ Or ‘can you please stop getting yourself killed Tommy’. Okay, so most of the arguments were about Tommy being careless with his health and not realising that he is not alone anymore. That his wellbeing is not just for him anymore, Alfie is a part of his life now and he wants grow old with Tommy apparently.
Tommy had never felt this loved before, it took some getting used to. Then 6 months in to their relationship Alfie proposed and Tommy rejected him. Surely Alfie would leave him this time he thought but Alfie didn’t leave. Then they moved in together and Alfie surprised him with the cottage house they spend their first night in. A year and a half later Alfie proposed again and by the end of that month they were married in the eyes of their family, friends and Cyril.
————
‘Alfie...’ he said with his eyes closed and a warm cup in hand. ‘Mmh...yes darling? asked the man beneath him. Tommy turned to look at him and softly whispered ‘I love you...’ with his lips resting on Alfie’s jaw.
‘I love you too darling’