I wrote another chapter (ik it’s been a while) if you lik this the others are on my profile…somewhere(I should really create a link…)
I’m beyond happy he couldn’t see my thoughts
Why am I thinking about him like this? I’ve been aroace my entire life, I’ve never felt anything like this before. I feel myself wanting to be around him, not caring if he puts his hands on me
I blushed at the thought but quickly shook it away. Instead of getting lost in those dangerous thoughts, I picked up that dagger from earlier
Can’t believe I laughed over some healing magic
I don’t remember being that sensitive to it, I mean I’ve always had some tolerance, but not that little.
Okay now I’m second guessing myself
I was so lost in thought, so busy flipping that dagger and smiling like an idiot to even realize my surroundings, to dumb to hear the steps behind me, to focused to listen to the thoughts around me. And me, the Knight Of War, jumped out of my own damn skin, dropping the dagger in the process
God I just jumped like three steps
“For the love of God how long have you been there?” The smile pulled at his lips, the very same smile that made me forget that I was staring at him in his doorway, that smile that I purposefully tried to ignore but never ended up working
I tried to hide all those nerves under that mask I wore, yet at this point it wasn’t effective, I had it bad, and it seemed everyone but him knew
“Long enough.” My face went a little red, I hated how much the mask broke around him, how he broke those walls without even trying. I’m Lancelot, the boy who people fear, and I’ll keep saying it, but I shouldn’t like someone like this, I shouldn’t crave their smile, shouldn’t want their hands on me in places I shouldn’t say, I shouldn’t crave the taste of their lips
I do everyday, I find myself wanting to know every inch of that body, I found myself thinking things I shouldn’t, things I’m so happy he couldn’t hear.
“You looked all peaceful smiling like that…” I snapped myself out of those thoughts, pulling my hood over my head just like I did yesterday
God I tend to do that a lot
“But…I’ll leave you alone on that. My mom-mother said you wanted to talk to me about something.” I almost laughed at that cute little stutter, he always got embarrassed about calling his parents that, and oh I never let him live it down, yet I pushed it away for now
Don’t need anything else he can use over my head
“Oh, uh…yeah…” I rubbed the back of my neck, hood still over my head, I was clearly nervous to anyone within this training grounds
Good news it’s just us then
I hate how much he effects me, I’m sitting here not getting nervous over a battle or something I should, I’m getting nervous over something as simple as
Yet it’s not simple at all, it’s anything but, I didn’t even know I could feel this, I didn’t even know I could want someone like this, I thought I pushed all these thoughts and feelings away years ago
“I-I heard about this thing happening…your mother told me they were having this big party this Friday…she told me I had to come, you know as a knight in training and all. I-It’s a dance…and I remember you weren’t always the best on your feet. I was wondering if you’d want me to teach you…you know…how we used to.” I looked up at him with this bashful look in my eyes, I hated how shy this made me
It’s just a question, and he’ll most likely say no
“Why not.” He shrugged like it was the most casual thing in the world
He’s just being nice. Nothing more
Am I? Is this all because I’m playing nice? I’m starting to second guess myself, is this all just a nice act?
I never felt this before, I don’t know what it means or if it’s even normal, yet by the way Isolda, Chion, and Jade acted I just assumed
I pushed those thoughts aside, I couldn’t have them here, where someone might be able to hear, you can’t trust anyone I guess
“Really?” A soft smile pulled at those lips
Yet so right at the same time
I didn’t think he actually wanted to do stuff with me
He nodded, rubbing the back of his neck, giggling nervously. “Why not. Plus I need it.” I let out a small yet embarrassingly audible gasp, a sound that was somewhere between with laugh and a satisfied sigh
No no Tristan. Stop thinking those things
How I hoped he wasn’t thinking the very wrong things I was feeling
My face flushed pink at the very thoughts I shouldn’t be having, at the thoughts that shouldn’t exist within my mind
Why was he so embarrassed about this?
Oh trust me. You don’t wanna fucking know
“So when are we doing this?” I heard myself say, meeting those beautiful opposite eyes, my face was as natural as my pink eyes. Yet I wouldn’t be surprised if he knew the meaning now
“Meet me under the lanterns tonight after everyone is asleep…alone preferably.” He swayed on his feet, a smile pulling at those god awful lips
Great. Another reason to full my thoughts
“Yeah sure.” A smile twitched before I was able to mask it, I shook it away, but I knew he saw, he was staring at me and I hated how coward his gaze made me feel
Why dos he hide something so sweet?
“Don’t call it that.” I hated how harsh my voice came out, I was composed, back to the shell of a boy he once knew. Yet he was getting to close, finding out to much
I felt bad enough to slip away, honestly I don’t even think that’s why I left with his eyes down, I don’t have a reason, I just couldn’t take the feeling of vulnerability under those amazing eyes.
I slipped around the corner, close enough to hear his voice. It was midday, someone had bound to hear. Yet for some reason I didn’t care to much
“Lance why?” I put a hand over my mouth, keeping any servants from seeing the grin I wore. His words were frustrated yet playful, I knew he was gonna ask about the dagger thing. That was a story for another time
I heard him slap his face, not intended to hit himself that hard, I heard his little grunt of pain and let out the smallest of giggle. Yet I didn’t care even as I read his mind and knew he was smiling at my corner
I finally got myself out of that writers block I was in, I’m working on another chapter, I wanna have it done for Lancetris week, but I doubt it