Steps to Better

My journey to a vegan and cruelty free lifestyle

[michelletheveggie-blog]

“We cannot eat dead food and feel alive.” - Dresden Danielle

This quote is something that I’ve really connected with recently. Dealing with my manic episodes is sometimes difficult due to the fact that all I want during these moments is cheese. Before I continue, I am not saying it’s justifiable for me to eat dairy due to my mental illness. I am sharing this experience so others know that being vegan is challenging in other ways than figuring out what to eat. I know that I should not eat anything from an animal but when I am manic, all of the logic and knowledge I have go out the window.

Yes, I know that it is wrong. No, this doesn’t mean I have given up on being vegan. Yes, it tasted good for a split second and then I could hear the statistics and facts being whispered in my head. Yes, I felt bad about doing it. No, I can’t promise it won’t happen again, on purpose or by mistake. No, I do not think of myself as a terrible human being for saying this. 

I. Am. Human. I have made mistakes and will continue to make more. Just because I make these mis-steps doesn’t mean I do not learn from them. Every mistake we make comes with a consequence...

Eating that cheese made me feel gross, as though my own body was rotting from the inside out. It also made my mental disorder worse at that moment in time. I had painful stomach cramps, no bowel movements for about two days, and so much guilt. Feeling these things just reaffirmed my original decision to transition to a vegan lifestyle. In saying this, I am still in the beginning stages of my vegan journey so mistakes are bound to happen and most vegans I follow don’t really talk about that. I see this slip-up as a positive thing that helped me really see the affects being vegan has on my personal body. 

By being vegan, my body doesn’t go through terrible pain to digest what I’m putting in it. I don’t feel the pain of the being (not literally but more spiritually, mentally and emotionally). I feed my body the things it needs to reach its fullest potential mentally and physically. The vegan lifestyle has helped me get to a point in my life that I can honesty say that I am happy at. It’s also helped in terms of mental stability, in my opinion. 

Overall, this “fall off the wagon” really showed me that I am on the right path, for me, by being as vegan as possible. This is why I haven’t posted either. I was conflicted with the fact that I ate cheese after I went 100% vegan but to be honest, no one is 100% anything. We all fuck up and that’s okay. I will continue to do my best and I hope you, who is reading this, does the same with whatever your path in life is. Thank you for reading this and I will do better on posting every week, promise!

[michelletheveggie-blog]

“Vegan is not a set of rules I have to abide by; it is a moral compass. It’s not what I can and cannot eat; it’s about what I will and won’t eat.” 

This is one of my favorite quotes (I found on Instagram) to explain my reasoning behind becoming vegan. It’s  not that I can’t eat meat or consume dairy, it’s that I’ve educated myself on why I shouldn’t. I first started my journey back in 2016, I discovered Freelee The Banana Girl. It was totally insane to me how many bananas this person would eat, but all of the information she would go over in her videos made sense to me. The statistics, video clippings, and research she would reference all seemed right in my mind. Long story short, I was hooked. I fell down the YouTube “rabbit hole” and found tons of other vegans; High Carb Hannah, That Vegan Couple, Mr. and Mrs. Vegan, Stella Rae, Sonia Elsie and so many more. I watched the slaughter house videos and never finished a single one, I took in the “What I eat in a day”’s, and the speeches too.

I loved all of the health benefits that came with living a vegan lifestyle. I am a person that has a poor family history when it comes to health issues. Both sides of my family have diseases up the butt and I was overweight myself at the time. So I learned as much as possible and went vegan over night. I was able to maintain this way of eating for about three months. I know, I was one of those people that “tried going vegan but went back”. Hear me out, the reason I went back to eating the Standard American Diet was due to two reasons:

I was not in a good place mentally and emotionally

I didn’t truly make/keep the connection for my why

Now, before I expand on these two points, I am not using these as excuses. I see them as hurdles I had to jump over to reach my end goal. As of today, I have reached the finish line in this race, but no one is perfect.

I was I a bad relationship when I first tried going vegan. This person I loved so very much was extremely abusive towards me mentally and emotionally. They were not the support system I needed. Yes, I now know that someone shouldn’t have to depend on someone else for support but I was young and he was my first boyfriend. 

Once that experience was over, I dove head first into another below standard relationship. This person was supportive so I went back to being about 30% plant based. This specific person was not stable in terms of their mental and emotional state but did not see a problem with this. Being the type of person I am, I focused all of my energy on him and trying to help in any way possible. 

After this almost full year of being single and alone, I’ve been able to really take care of myself. I’m at a point in my life where everything is good for once. I’ve been able to really focus on me and figure out what kind of life I want to live.

This alone time with my thoughts helped me reconnect with the vegan movement and rediscover my why. I went back to the documentaries, the speeches, all of the information I had originally found two years ago. Now being where I am in my life, I finally made the true connection this time. 

Prior to this past July 2018, I had been about 80% plant based for about a year. Now, I continue to learn as much as possible about the reasons a vegan lifestyle is the best choice and I also keep watching those awful videos on the meat and dairy industry so I never forget what those poor beings are put through. And for what? Just because some people “don’t like vegetable, need protein (eye roll, sorry), or love the taste”. It all comes back to educating yourself and making the connection to why we shouldn’t.  

[michelletheveggie-blog]

As I improved my diet, I started to learn to love my self, probably for the first time ever.

Frank Ferrante