I think it’s hard seeing everyone around you being loved whether it be platonically or romantically and feeling like none of that love extends to you.
Everyone says to “love and cherish yourself” but it feels as if nobody loves you, why should you love yourself?
And this isn’t a “depression” post. This isn’t a post to reblog because you feel depression permeating throughout your body and you come across this post because it’s “relatable”. I’m just sharing my current thoughts.
But anyway, I’ve always felt that I wasn’t good enough to be loved. Not good enough for my own mother to express maternal love. Not good enough for my father to stick around and support and cherish me. I’ve found myself looking for love in my friendships. I’ve found that love. That love lifted me up. It acted as my spine, holding me up. That love nurtured me — it was also my first heartbreak.
I’ve gone through so many friendships. It’s a terrible trait to have, I know. I’m not going to victimize myself and say that those individuals were the problem. Sometimes they were. Sometimes I was.
Love is so temporary to me; so much so that I rarely find myself attracted to romantic love. I love reading and writing about it, but the chance of it happening to me is slim. Like criminally. And that leads me to say…
If I can’t love myself, how will someone else love me? How can I love someone else? How can I learn to love myself? How can I stop feeling like I am the worse person in that world? How how how how how. These are questions that have tickled me ever since I was a young girl. I am turning 19 soon and those questions are still mired in my mind.
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