Dream 2014 Diary

أنا طالب في معهدالبينة

[midpatel]

Waking Up to Reality

After several days the reality that the Dream program has ended is starting to set in. I've been reflecting on the completion of the program for several days, thinking about what I want to share as my final takeaway after 9 months. I'm still not entirely sure how to describe or express my feelings about the program in a single post but I'll do my best iA.

Dream is fundamentally a program designed to teach the Arabic language, but it encompasses far, far more than that. Over the last few weeks I came to realize that for some of my peers and myself Dream has affected every part of our lives, from our physical health to our thought processes. We spent hours a day for 9 months learning and practicing Arabic, but we spent even more hours in the company of Ustadh Nouman, Ustadh Adam, and peers that are all incredibly gifted and unique, and each of them has had a role to play in our transformations. I've been trying to understand and gather my thoughts regarding these changes to try and decide how to share them but I've also come to realize that in many ways even I don't understand the full effect of the Dream program in my life. There are some definite ideas and changes in my life that I'd like to share here.

The company you keep affects every part of your being, inspiring and pushing you to excel in ways you didn't think possible. Every single person in my class has made me want to be a better, more successful human being simply by sharing their experiences and time with me. Ustadh Nouman has an incredible drive and standard of excellence which are matched by Ustadh Adam, and as our teachers they constantly inspire and push us to better and further ourselves. Their encouragement is not always verbal or external; their example itself is something that has changed how I view what is possible as an American Muslim, how to guide and shape my life so I can spend it in the service of others. My peers have all been incredible influences as well. Each of them has shown me that there are ways to see and approach life, ways to excel spiritually and academically that I'd never seen possible before. I've been privileged to spend time with classmates going to Stanford, Columbia, and top universities and medical schools across the country; guys who have been studying and teaching for years, absorbing information and constantly seeking more knowledge; guys who work harder than anyone I've ever been around to better themselves and share their happiness and contentment with those around them. My company at Dream taught me that the distinctions I've drawn in my life between a worldly and a religious life are nonexistent; that being a Muslim means there only is one life, and if I work hard and believe that each and every word and action is for the aakhira then I can achieve more than I ever thought possible in religious and nonreligious realms. I pray that Allah (swt) puts barakah in the time and effort and lives of every one of my peers, teachers, and their families.

Dream has changed how I view my role as a member of the Muslim community; it has been an incredible blessing but has also placed a responsibility and burden on our shoulders. On our last day of class Ustadh Adam spoke to us in his dramatic final address and told us to strive to fulfill the rights of the knowledge that we had been given: to live by the things we had learned and to share and spread it. While the virtues and necessity of spreading what I learned had been mentioned countless times, I'd never perceived that as a right of the knowledge itself. I've come to realize that while the time I've spent learning and the things I've learned are a blessing for me, they also have a right to be spread and shared and it is my obligation to fulfill that right. Along the same line of reasoning, Ustadh Nouman shared with us on graduation night that it is our duty to him and our other teachers, their teachers, and their teachers before them all the way back to the Prophet (saw) that we "carry on the torch" that they hold and will eventually hand down to us. I was sitting in my chair, in tears with the guys around me at Ustadh's sadness and the thought that we were finished with our time together, but these thoughts that Ustadh shared were heavier than the sadness. Dream has been a blessing and a beneficial experience unlike anything in my life to date and the outcome has been the obligation to never stop seeking and teaching knowledge. The weight of knowing that after Dream there is no longer a choice, but an obligation to study and teach is heavy but also an incredible blessing in and of itself. Dream has given me the platform by which to constantly grow as Muslim in ways I had never before imagined, through resources and scholarship I'd never had access to in the past. I'm not sure how I will come close to matching a tiny percentage of the benefit and impact Ustadh Nouman has been able to impart on the Muslim community but I request everyone's duas for myself and my peers to find our own paths in benefitting the Muslim communities around us.

You can never, ever gain the full benefit of praying or reciting Qur'an unless you learn Arabic. This is something I heard a lot before dream, and while I accepted that it was probably true I never really understood. The times I was most cognizant was during taraweeh or the dua at the khatam during Ramadan, or during an especially long rakat at Fajr or Isha. The thought came to mind in those times that all I wanted was to know what the imam was saying, so maybe I could concentrate more and gain something more from prayer. During the last month of so I've realized what it truly means to have even a small degree of sincerity and focus in prayer. I've found myself shaken to the core from fear or awed and in tears at the stories and verses being recited during prayer. Each prayer behind an imam and on my own has become an experience, somewhere where I am engaged and drawn and moved by the ayaat and duas being recited. I can never thank Bayyinah enough for turning my prayer into the most meaningful and moving part of my day, and my duas into sincere and profound requests. Now when I make dua, I feel like I am begging and pleading for the things I need, that I am connecting with Allah (swt) by speaking to Him directly rather than reciting words I memorized that I did not know the meaning of. To have a connection with Allah (swt) throughout salat and dua is an invaluable blessing and I am incredibly excited for Ramadan this year. 

It still hurts to think about how to "conclude" my thoughts, because every reminder that the program is over is painful. There is a sweetness associated with this as well though; I've been blessed with a step in life that has pushed me and provided the means by which I can excel as a Muslim iA. I can never thank Allah (swt) for providing me with the mentors and peers that I have had. Every part of my life has changed, from my eating and sleeping habits to the amount of Qur'an I can read and understand in a day. My forms of entertainment, value for time, respect and understanding of the miraculous nature of the Qur'an, and knowledge of my role in the Muslim community have been irrevocably and positively impacted. I remember when I first heard about the Dream program, and my thoughts about it in the years prior to my own attendance were similar to what I've heard from many: Dream would be an incredible experience if only I had the opportunity. I've had people tell me that they would love to do the program and to make dua for Allah (swt) to make the path easy for them but right now they can't find a way to do it. I remember having these thoughts, doubts, and fears; I remember seeing the program as an incredible opportunity that just is not possible. Now, having gone through the program and seeing the barakah and advancement in the lives of myself and my peers after doing Bayyinah, I hope and pray for every single person who ever even thinks about doing the Dream program to be presented with the chance to do so by Allah (swt). I hope and pray that everyone is able to take the time off of work or school, to make the necessary sacrifices and go through the struggles they need to to go through the Dream program. I humbly and sincerely request everyone to make dua for my teachers, my peers, myself and all of our families - for our forgiveness from Allah (swt) and entrance into His Paradise, iA. And then make dua again for my teachers please!

I hope everyone is able to accomplish everything they ever hope for in their worldly and religious lives,

Wa laikum as salaam,

Midhat Patel

إذا تمنّيت فا ستكثر - "If you dream, dream big." (pun intended)

[midpatel]

First Post in a Long Time

It's been a longgg time since I posted, mostly because I got a little lazy as our work started to pile on. I feel like writing again though, again because I'm afraid I'll forget some of the things that go on during this year and I want to be able to look back and reflect and reminisce about my experiences.

Sarf

After we "finished" the fundamentals, we started sarf, the science of morphology. We were all really excited for sarf because it's one of the most remarkable parts of the language - it would let us take root letters and derive tons of words from them. I personally have been listening to tafseer and hearing for years that "X word is in Y pattern which means that ... " and was eager to learn how to understand this myself. That was...almost 3 months ago. We began memorizing patterns at that time, and we spent the last few weeks drilling more and more patterns, learning irregularities, and practicing. It was challenging, as grammar was, but there was also a tedium about sarf. The reality is that there is a significant amount of memorization required, with much less conceptual understanding. Even though we knew that, it started to drag on. We started to complain, and the workload increased even more (memorizing Surah Kahf, Rosetta Stone, more work in the Cambridge textbook, plus our normal homework and studying, with random monologue assignments thrown in) which put a lot of strain on us. Although I can't speak for my peers, I was stretched thin, spending 7 hours a day in class and 3-4 hours a day out of class doing Arabic and still being behind. However, our teachers are incredible and realized we were being pushed beyond our limits and eased up a little, and finally, aH yesterday we began studying the benefits of the different verb patterns. The part of sarf we'd been waiting for finally, finally arrived. The difference between أنبأ and نبّأ and why Allah (swt) uses one in one place and another in another place. Sh. Abdul Nasir told me once about learning to appreciate knowledge by being made to wait for it; I finally began to understand what he meant in the last couple of days. The sweetness of finally learning what we'd been eager to know has made it precious knowledge; most of the class, like myself, is eager and attentive and ask a lot of questions instead of struggling to pay attention the way we had been of late. The text we're using to study this has been extracted from a several-thousand page Urdu text on the benefits of various verb patterns, so we're privileged to have it (thank you TAs and Ustadh Nouman). I'm excited to keep learning benefits of verb patterns next week (this was weeks ago...when I started writing this post lol).

Itikaf

Twice now we've had the opportunity to do Itikaf and qiyam at Colleyville masjid in DFW. After Jummuah on Friday, we stay at the masjid until Fajr the next day, spending the night praying, learning, and hanging out with our classmates and Ustadh NAK. Both Itikafs have been an incredible bonding experience for all of the guys in the group; I was able to spend a few hours talking to some guys and learning from their background and experiences, and also spend time with Ustadh Nouman asking him about his thoughts on certain things I'm concerned with in my life. He gives lectures after every salah about topics he wants to dicuss. The first itikaf he talked about the philosophical and psychological realization that a Creator exists, how we should feel towards Him, and how Surah Fatiha answers those questions; the second itikaf was about our relationships with our families and how to navigate marriage, Islamic life and teaching, and other responsibilities while maintaining the highest standard of character we can. We're able to spend the night lying around talking about Bayyinah with Ustadh Nouman or spend time with Ustadh Adam Jamal (lead TA) talking about his path through England and France and the Caribbean to Bayyinah, or just learning from each other. I recently gave a halaqa at UT Austin with my ideas on how to build a better relationship with Allah swt and our Deen and many things I said were cemented and built upon during a long walk and conversation with a couple of guys during an itikaf. All in all I really enjoy spending time at the masjid, hanging out but also learning and memorizing Qur'an and hope to integrate the practice of spending extended time at the masjid in my normal life schedule after Bayyinah is over.

Story Night in Houston

I'm at the point where it's hard to recount all of the experience I'm having; I can't talk about all of the times I've had the chance to hang out and benefit from Ustadh Nouman's company, just playing basketball, or videogames, or eating unhealthy food or ice cream. He's one of the best teachers I've ever had and our experience is amplified by his willingness to hang out with us and build close, individual relationships. This weekend I travelled (along with half of the class) to Story Night in Houston, when Ustadh Nouman tells a story from the Qur'an over a 3 hour event. It was absolutely incredible. I hear him talk every day and he still blew me away; I highly recommend going if anyone has the opportunity. I'm sitting there listening and watching him teach and can't stop thinking about how blessed I am to learn from him regularly, aH. He's teaching us how to teach and impact our communities and I hope we're able to live up to the high bar of excellence he's set for himself iA. After the Story Night he still made time for us, coming to eat before heading back to his hotel to knock out. We could see afterwards how absolutely exhausted he was; another reminder that he really puts his heart and soul into his work. I don't know how long and how much effort it took him to prepare the class, but it's incredible. I'm excited to learn more from him about how to be awesome.

I'm going to try and write more often...but I always say that. At this point we're learning our normal grammar and reading from a textbook and an Irab book, also translating a book as a side project, memorizing Kahf with a rapidly approaching deadline, and I'm still tryna go to the gym. Always exhausted but always happy and satisfied aH. We're all starting to get depressed because this year will be over soon...but iA the best is yet to come.

سلام

المرء حيث يضع نفسع - "a man is where he places himself"

[midpatel]

"Done with the fundamentals."

Ustadh Nouman told us this week that he believes we have reached the end of the study of the fundamentals of the language. He said that we've essentially just learned how to swim in a pool, and after next week we're going to dive into the ocean. It's pretty crazy to think that all we've done is so little, but it's only been 7 weeks out of 9 months. I'm literally awed at the idea of how much material we will learn, but excited aH.

Eid Break

It was neat to have a week off for Eid, something different. Many of my classmates had the opportunity to go home, while I spent some time at home here in Dallas before heading to Houston and Austin. The coolest part of the break was the Eid Dawat at Ustadh Nouman's house. He invited any students here in Dallas to his home; we enjoyed eating with him, playing videogames, and hanging out at his house for the night. The rest of life continues outside of dream as well: I spent a day in Houston at a medical school interview before driving to Austin to give a halaqa at the MSA. It was really neat to be on the other side of the halaqa; while I am in no way a scholar, I was able to pass on some of what I've learned at Dream and share the passion I am able to indulge on a daily basis. 

Daily Life

My schedule is starting to settle into a routine. It's getting easier and easier to sleep at 11:30 and stay up after fajr and throughout the day. As time has passed, my lifestyle is starting to become more and more like what I'd hoped for. It has become much easier to pray on time, refrain from inappropriate conversation and entertainment, and spend more time independently with a Qur'an. The friendships between my classmates and I are solidifying; some of us are beginning to hang out fairly regularly, playing FIFA, grabbing dinner, etc. Every Friday we go as a group to play basketball or soccer, sometimes with our TAs or teachers. It's starting to dawn on me already what a blessing the life I have right now is, and how hard it will be to maintain this lifestyle after Dream ends. I'm consciously trying to develop habits that I can carry with me after the program is over iA.

Learning

We've learned a lot more, as I mentioned earlier. We've become comfortable using the Hans-Wehr dictionary, and are becoming familiar with Lane's Lexicon as well. One of the cool things we did this week was play hot potato while conjugating verbs in different forms; friendly competition pushed us to think faster and harder than we would have otherwise. I'm continuously blown away by the ways Ustadh Nouman and our teachers are able to get more and more out of us. Our test right before the break was brutal, but the one yesterday was much easier aH. They probably decided not to scare us. Ustadh Nouman offered a prize to the side of the room (guys or girls) that scored higher on average, so...I wonder what the girls will get tomorrow lol. They always do better than us on tests, even though we always win little competitions in class (answering questions and expressions and stuff). 

We have quizzes on the Arabic expressions we've learned every Sunday morning, so...time to go study.

من جدّ وجد

"Whoever was serious succeeded."

[midpatel]

4 Tests Later

One month is over, aH. Couldn’t begin to express how quickly it’s passed; somehow it feels like we just started but also that we’ve been here for a long time. It’s like a marathon: every Friday we test, get a day to rest, and start again on Sunday. We’ve learned so much that it’s incredible. After a month, we can comfortably read and write in the past and present tense, and more incredibly, grammatically analyze a number of sentences. We can open a book with grammatical analysis of the Qur’an and understand a good chunk of it, aH.

It’s been a while since I wrote, so I have quite a few things to say. I’ll try and bold general topics.

Group Work with Ustadh Nouman

We’ve been split into groups to do our work for half of each day, and our friendships are growing stronger. Each group has been made based on Bayyinah’s goals for us, which helps us have a sense of purpose. Many of us are helping others after class, some are working on social promotion of Dream, others are building websites for alumni video networks…incredible planning. On one day, I was lucky enough to have Ustadh Nouman as a group leader. I was blown away by his intensity and his energy. He worked us until the very last minute before our last break; not only did we go through every drill in the conversation book but we did them in every conceivable conjugation. It was intense, but also incredibly beneficial. It isn’t hard to see how he’s accomplished so much, mA. He doesn’t let a minute go to waste and goes above and beyond the bare minimum as much as possible.

Ustadh Wisam Sharief Visit

Hafidh Wisam came to class to teach us tajweed for half an hour and blew all of our minds. If you haven’t learned from him, you’re missing out. Go to l2rq.com or aql.com and benefit as much as you can. He brings more intensity and energy to the table than any qari I’ve ever been around. He inspires you to perfect your recitation as much as possible. More than anything, he impressed upon us the fact that the Qur’an is speech - that it is meant to be recited with the correct pronunciation, and that this pronunciation is what leads to the writing and grammar we are learning. Without accurate pronunciation, the Qur’an could never have been preserved and written down after the Prophet (saw) passed away. It’s an interesting reflection: for 150 years, hundreds of students memorized the Qur’an before sitting with the foremost writers of the day and reciting from memory as the writers recorded what they heard. What incredible recitation they must have had to preserve the words of Allah (swt) perfectly.

MSA

MSA came up this week…that was a long and lively discussion. Firstly, Ustadh Nouman told us that it made him sad that many MSAs thought he hated MSA; he actually loves it. I won’t say much, because there’s too much to say. In short, he said that the fundamental discourse in MSAs needs to be about truly accepting the oneness of Allah (swt) and the absolute truth of the Qur’an first and foremost before wandering into other territory. In addition, he says that the gender issues at MSAs are not necessarily a result of weak iman, but rather a general lack of actual knowledge regarding what gender relationships are meant to be like in Islam. Count me among the ignorant - now that I’m at Bayyinah, I’m starting to slowly understand the dynamic Muslims should strive to follow, and I fall woefully short. Please make dua for myself and everyone else struggling to better our iman and practice in every way, including this one.

Brotherhood

We’ve continued to grow as friends and brothers. Many of us play basketball weekly after our exams; we meet up at the masjid on random weeknights and play as well. Several of us have also registered to run various distances at the Ft. Worth Cowtown Marathon in February iA (including our TA and Ustadh Nouman!). We’re all training together in pairs or groups for that. The diversity in our group is incredible: we have 9 huffadh, one guy who deferred his entrance to Stanford, one taking time off from medical school, one who moved here from the U.S. Virgin Islands. It’s hard to fathom where we will spread from here iA.

Learning in Cool Ways

I have no idea what traditional Arabic courses are like, but I know they’re not like this. We’ve all been given a subscription to Rosetta Stone! It’s an incredible resource to practice with outside of class. This week, we’ve watched clips from Kung Fu Panda 2 in Arabic and played charades to conjugate verbs. THIS PLACE IS AWESOME.

I’m excited to do more incredible things with Ustadh Nouman and grow and increase in my love of the Qur’an. Please, please keep Ustadh Nouman, our TAs and administrators, myself and my fellow students, and all of our families in your duas.

مِنَ ابْتِغاءِالخَيْرِ اِتِّقاءُالشَّرِّ Protecting yourself from evil is a part of the pursuit of good

[midpatel]

Settling In

On our second day of class, Sh. AbdulNasir Jangda came and spoke to us about the journey we have begun. He heavily emphasized two things: firstly, using this experience as a means to better our relationship with Allah (swt) and secondly, respecting the process of becoming students of knowledge.

That first point has become more important throughout this second week. After two weeks, I’m still struggling to fix a sleeping schedule, keep up with the material, go to the gym, and remain up-to-date with other parts of my life (medical school applications, volunteering, part-time work). I’ve been absolutely exhausted, all the time. I think it’s a normal thing to start questioning why I do the things that I do if they keep me perpetually tired. I chose to do the Dream Program to reach a new height in my relationship with Allah (swt) by learning to understand the language in which His book and the vast, vast majority of Islamic knowledge is preserved. I also believe that the environment and my peers would also contribute to my overall level of iman increasing. While there has undoubtedly been a positive effect that grows daily aH, other parts of my deen haven’t suddenly become easier. Sh. ANJ said that day: “if you come out of this program speaking Arabic but don’t pray on time, you’ve failed.” It’s become evident with time that it will continue to be a challenge to pray on time, read and memorize Qur’an daily, and follow the Sunnah to the best of my ability. Being a Dream student is helpful, but it is by no means a shortcut that suddenly makes the struggle disappear. It’s a process and aH Dream is playing a big part in my efforts to be a better person.

Something else that ANJ mentioned was respecting every single aspect of our education - not just our teachers and books but also our peers, our campus, even our pens. A conscious effort to do this has forced me to value what I learn even more. I try my best to keep track of and learn everything Ustadh teaches us, even if it’s nonessential. It is also interesting how much trust we’ve placed in Ustadh Nouman in this process: when he tells me something is important, I trust him and learn it. When he tells us to wait, when he tells us to spend time on X subject, I do it. I love that we have a teacher who has explicitly asked us for our trust, respects us enough to keep us posted on our overall progress, and spends so much time and effort to help us.

While grammar isn’t necessarily the most exciting subject, it is incredible that I can now open a page of the Qur’an and understand roughly 40% of what’s going on. 40% in 2 weeks! There are still 16 weeks of the program to go. The language is beautiful and mathematic, and formulas that once seemed difficult a few days ago are becoming more and more intuitive. As I learn more Arabic and more about the Arabs of the time, it becomes more and more apparent how beautiful and intricate a language it is. They chose to speak with beautiful, eloquent, and epic phrases, like: “when the dust settles, we’ll see if you’re riding a horse or a donkey” meaning that when everything settles down, we’ll see if you were the real deal or not. We learn one expression like that every day and they’re all pretty awesome. I’m looking forward to learning advanced sentence structure this week and iA being able to recognize more and more of what’s happening when I read Qur’an.

Keep my teachers, classmates, and myself in your duas please!

خَيْرْالأُمُوْرِماأسْعَدَكَ في دارَيْكَ The best of deeds is the one that makes you happy in both your homes [here and above].

[midpatel]

Week 1

I'm writing this blog mostly for myself, but also because a couple of people have asked me to let them know about my experience as they consider taking this road themselves.

Firstly, I want to set in context my experience: I did not plan for a year in the Dream program. After not matriculating into any medical school, I was presented with the opportunity to spend a year in this program. While I had other options, I sought the wisdom of my older friends who all expressed a similar sentiment: this was the only time in my life that such an opportunity would be presented with such ease. I listened to them, applied, and was accepted into the program aH. I have almost no background in the Arabic language, save a one month intensive several years ago that I have unfortunately forgotten almost entirely. My vocabulary is virtually non-existent, nor have I had extensive interaction with Arabic in a native situation.

The first week at the program has been an incredible experience in many ways. I have been forced to adopt a lifestyle that I and many others desire in college but are not disciplined enough to adopt: I wake up at fajr every morning and sleep around 11p. This means that I get approximately 7 hours of sleep a night and am energetic and awake throughout the day. My schedule consists of class beginning at 8p, so I leave home around 7:30 to get a good seat in class. Ustadh Nouman is an incredible teacher - he has thus far been able to keep me engaged for lectures that can last up to 2 hours, which is not something I could fathom in undergrad. The grammar is constantly interlaced with Qur'anic examples, and occasionally we get lucky and Ustadh goes on a tangent talking about something fascinating from the Qur'an. I also find the professional nature of the program outstanding. It is not a "desi" institution; everything is done properly and in an orderly manner. The campus is a suite in a professional building and our dress code is accordingly proper. The material has come in waves, sometimes overwhelming. I study about 3 hours a night outside of class and have so far found that I can keep up as long as I pay attention, ask questions, take good notes, and study at night. QUIZLET HAS BEEN HUGE - making and using flashcard sets to learn different lists of vocabulary is the only way I've survived so far.

My favorite parts of the program aside from the teaching itself is the company I have and the conversational exercises. My fellow students are hugely varied: Arabic scrubs like myself and more advanced students who are almost overqualified; guys as young as 17 and as old as 70; people from all over the States and also some from abroad. We also have a huge diversity in focus and mentality, and a wide range of Islamic ideologies. The uniting factor is that we all seek the status of being students of knowledge in the eyes of Allah (swt). We already bicker and there is tension as personalities clash; however, we also go out to eat, hang out, and play sports together. We are united by our greater cause and that allows us to constantly overlook what we dislike about one another. The conversational period is the last of the day, and Ustadh talks almost entirely in Arabic. There are no tests, so we are free to learn and enjoy ourselves as he points, makes fun of us, yells, and teaches us how to talk to one another. We've learned very structured, organized dialogues but also whatever we'd like. He taught us how to talk trash in ping pong (which he's going to use first).

All in all, I'm very excited and happy to be where I am, aH. Having a year to do something I want for the aakhira with almost no direct worldly benefit is a refreshing and spiritually invigorating experience. I'm looking forward to continuing to struggle to build a better relationship with the Qur'an and Allah swt and learn more and more from my peers and Ustadh Nouman. I'm already exhausted, but week 2 starts tomorrow!