āI mean. Yes, sure, you could have, butābut you have to remember, Iām still learning. About this. About it being not⦠not fuzzy.ā
Itās a lot of words to express his surprise, maybe, but theyāre the words that feel right when Jon is right thereĀ and he suddenly wonders what his voiceālike, as in his mental voiceāsounds like but that seems like a weird question to ask. Is it a weird question to ask? David isnāt sure yet.
āThis whole⦠mind reading thing. Itās not new to you. Right? Is there a reason you didnātādidnāt get diagnosed asāasāas schizophrenic? Were people nicer to you? Or maybe you just shut up about it more and people didnāt think that you were completely off your rocker because you⦠were less vocal.ā
He pauses. Whistles, low.
āExcept you, uh. Do see more stable. I meanābesides the manic thing. You seem a little more⦠grounded than me. Is that normal? Is that what itās like when the Haloperidol is finally out of your system?ā
āSorry thatās⦠a lot of questions. And talking. You donāt have to answer them all. How are you? Are you doing okay? Are youāyouāre not depressed right now, are you?ā
Ā Ā Ā āItās okay. Letās uh, sit down. Here, that couch is free.ā He smiles and leads David over to the collection of seating, and sits on the edge of the couch, letting his brother find his own place. He can tell his brother is anxious and will happily do whatever he can to alleviate it. āSo first, no. Itās not new to me. I couldnāt always do it like, well. At first, I think -- it was a long time ago -- but I think I could sort of feel people before I could hear them.ā He hums and shakes his head.Ā
Ā Ā Ā āPeople werenāt nicer, exactly. I was just...I didnāt do it. I mean, I did it. All the time. But I learned that people...they didnāt like it. And they certainly couldnāt do it themselves. It wasnāt something I shared with people, you know? I realized that I was different and...I donāt know. My brain told me that if I didnāt want to be drugged and locked up, Iād have to pretend to be like everyone else. If I wanted people to treat me like a person and not some...whacko, Iād have to be like them. It sucked, right? But like, less than being put in some place like Clockworks. I learned how to be more careful. Not reveal to people that I knew things I wasnāt supposed to know, that sort of thing.
Ā Ā Ā āThe uh, mental illness, that started later. And donāt get me wrong, they donāt. They donāt know exactly how to treat it. How to treat the bipolar without dampening everything else. My powers are...emotional. My...mania and shit, thatās emotional. Itās connected, I think. So treating me is hard. But Iāll always need them, I think. I donāt think it will ever just...go away and Iāll be normal. Itās brain chemistry, you know? But yeah, Iām okay. Not depressed, not really. I was kind of manic there for a while but now Iām just...normal me, if thatās a thing.ā