I don't get paid enough

God damn I can't believe I'm here in this shit hole of a pizza place every single night. Save me from insanity. Ask me a question. Show me a picture. Something please I don't want to lose my mind here. Holy shit I hate this place so much.

[mikefuckingschmidt]

Ah, so it looks like she's on her way to the office. Great. Wonderful. Fantastic. Here she comes. She's on her merry way to come end my miserable life. What a trooper, folks. This is one real motivated chicken.

.... Yanno

And hear me out

Can I just have one night

onE GOD DAMN NIGHT OF PEACE AND QUIET WITHOUT HAVING TO FEAR FOR MY LIFE FOR SIX WHOLE HOURS STRAIGHT? I'M PISSING IN COKE BOTTLES AND SHOVING COLD PIZZA DOWN MY GULLET AT THE SPEED OF MACH 3 JUST SO I DON'T STARVE TO DEATH AND PASS OUT.

[mikefuckingschmidt]

. . . . It stopped.

Uh oh

[mikefuckingschmidt]

You know, I'd REALLY enjoy it if CHICA would quit banging all those pots and pans and STOP MAKING MY HEADACHE WORSE

I CAN HEAR YOU ALL THE WAY IN HERE, GIRL. THE FUCK YOU TRYING TO DO, FILM YOUR OWN COOKING SHOW OR SOME BULLSHIT? GOD

[mikefuckingschmidt]

Ey

What all happened last night?

All I remember are old shoes and this furby

When did I start wearing these mickey mouse ass gloves

[mikefuckingschmidt]

glitchtrap: you see... im linked to kevin but he took... full control and is murderish

Just my fuckin luck 8)

[mikefuckingschmidt]

SO LONG SPACE COWBOY

[mikefuckingschmidt]

* glitchtrap apears next to mike* glitchtrap: go to the safe room you have to knouck out a fake wall near the bath room

WHY IS THE VIDEOGAME BUNNY IN REAL LIFE

NO I'M NOT DOING THAT I'M NOT GOING TO PISS OFF THE UGLY PURPLE CORPSE MAN IN THERE

YES I KNOW ABOUT THAt

[welcome-to-roomba-fazbender]

... Hey, uh... Chad, was it? Do you want my old, worn down shoes from years ago? They're probably stained in vomit when Chica unpercut me in the gut but I bleached em real good. Bone apple tea?

“YES GIVE THEM HERE THEY SOUND TASTY VOMIT AND BLEACH! THE MOST AMAZING COMBINATION! I DRINK BLEACH ON THE REGULAR”

[welcome-to-roomba-fazbender]

“I wasn’t even joking I was banned from both heaven and hell and trust me you don’t wanna make me truly mad”

charlie rips open his own chest exposing no organs just bones inside along with thousands of human and other creatures hands and pleas for help and mercy yelling about how they’ve been trapped inside for 15 years just pain and crying before charlie fixes his clothes back into place 

“I am actually immortal and my piss would burn you alive now if you don’t need anything else I’ll be leaving but before I do”  

charlie threw up a Furby with an insanely large neck that was half-digested and threw it into mikes face 

he then just simply t-poses and teleports outside 

“Thanks for the shoes” 

[mikefuckingschmidt]

Mike made the mistake of laying his eyes on the UNSPEAKABLE EVILS within Charlie. He said nothing. Only a loud, unholy screech of his poor soul rang out in the lonely darkness.

Alas poor Mikey. His poor mortal body could not handle the consequences of what he hath offended.

He'll know better next time

[mikefuckingschmidt]

*kevin is walking around the place with a bonnie head on him and caring a axe*

Okay for once Chica isn't in the kitchen

Okay

H--

HHHHH

HHHHH--- AAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAA

WHAT THE HELL NO NONONO RIOT GEAR WONT STOP AN AXE FUCK FUCK FU K

[welcome-to-roomba-fazbender]

... Hey, uh... Chad, was it? Do you want my old, worn down shoes from years ago? They're probably stained in vomit when Chica unpercut me in the gut but I bleached em real good. Bone apple tea?

“YES GIVE THEM HERE THEY SOUND TASTY VOMIT AND BLEACH! THE MOST AMAZING COMBINATION! I DRINK BLEACH ON THE REGULAR”

[welcome-to-roomba-fazbender]

“I WILL EAT YOUR MOTHER WHOLE THAT WILL SOLVE THE PROBLEMS! I BET SHE TASTES LIKE ROTTEN HAM!”

“… OH, AND BY THE WAY your pizzeria is now filled with doggos and a single walrus who are currently fighting to the death with the animatronics it’s fucking funny need anything else from me, buddy?” 

[mikefuckingschmidt]

… !!!!

WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MA? YOU WONT DO SHIT THATS WHAT YOULL DO. DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH ME BUT LEAVE HER OUTTA THIS SHE DOESNT KNOW HOW AWFUL THIS PLACE IS. OR I SWEAR TO THE HOLY LIGHT ABOVE I WILL RAIN RIGHTEOUS GOLDEN FURY UPON YOUR PATHETIC PLASTIC ASS UNTIL THE END OF DAYS

…

… . .

Other than that I’m good fam.

[welcome-to-roomba-fazbender]

charlie makes the room glow brightly as he changes colours over a very fast period of time 

“Why would you piss on me? that’s gross man and don’t say that isn’t what you meant because god what else could it mean? (righteous golden fury) can’t mean anything else but piss” 

charlie turned his head gently 

Charlies neck snapped and twisted violently as black goop falls out of his mouth and eyes to appear all over his face as his body twists and contorts 

“NEVER THREATEN ME AGAIN TRUST ME IT WILL BE THE END OF YOU GOD AND SATAN BANNED ME FROM BOTH HEAVEN AND HELL RESPECTFULLY” 

[mikefuckingschmidt]

YOU WANT BOTTLES UPON BOTTLES OF HOT ORANGE PISS HELD IN FOR SIX HOURS BECAUSE I CAN'T GO TO THE BATHROOM?

YOU THREATENED MY MA, MAN. YOU DON'T DO THAT MAN, WHATS WRONG WITH YOU

¿QUIERES PROBARME?

ME RIO DE LA DULCE CANCIÓN DE LA MUERTE

MI SANGRE HIERVE POR LA ETERNIDAD. VERÉ TU FIN!!!!

IF YOU TAKE THAT BACK THEN SO WILL I. I'LL SAY SORRY IF YOU SAY IT TOO

[mikefuckingschmidt]

Why'd I have to go and feed the phone man

Way to go Mike you're going to cause the end of your life, the end of the world, and the entire universe.

...

UNLESS--

[mikefuckingschmidt]

kevin: he would tair you to bits before you could even enter the room dont

Yeah he wasn't there.

'Scuse me I'm headed to the kitchen. With any luck Chica might be there

[mikefuckingschmidt]

Ok false alarm Bonnie's not in the closet

Gonna lookfor Chica

[mikefuckingschmidt]

*kevin hums stay calm*

K I'm gonna go to the closet. Hopefully Bonnie is there so he can choke me to death

See ya

[welcome-to-roomba-fazbender]

... Hey, uh... Chad, was it? Do you want my old, worn down shoes from years ago? They're probably stained in vomit when Chica unpercut me in the gut but I bleached em real good. Bone apple tea?

“YES GIVE THEM HERE THEY SOUND TASTY VOMIT AND BLEACH! THE MOST AMAZING COMBINATION! I DRINK BLEACH ON THE REGULAR”

[welcome-to-roomba-fazbender]

“I WILL EAT YOUR MOTHER WHOLE THAT WILL SOLVE THE PROBLEMS! I BET SHE TASTES LIKE ROTTEN HAM!”

“… OH, AND BY THE WAY your pizzeria is now filled with doggos and a single walrus who are currently fighting to the death with the animatronics it’s fucking funny need anything else from me, buddy?” 

[mikefuckingschmidt]

... !!!!

WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MA? YOU WONT DO SHIT THATS WHAT YOULL DO. DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH ME BUT LEAVE HER OUTTA THIS SHE DOESNT KNOW HOW AWFUL THIS PLACE IS. OR I SWEAR TO THE HOLY LIGHT ABOVE I WILL RAIN RIGHTEOUS GOLDEN FURY UPON YOUR PATHETIC PLASTIC ASS UNTIL THE END OF DAYS

. . .

. . . . .

Other than that I'm good fam.

[mikefuckingschmidt]

*kevins eyes turn purple and grows purple whiskers* g̷̨͙͔̖̰͕̭̰͈̞̲͌̋͒͋͐͜͜l̸̠̘̼̄̄͐ͅi̸̢̧͉͔͈͍͔̰͕̪͈̭̝̻̐̑̅̅̑́͊̇ẗ̵̳́͆̇͊̒̔̍̈́̐̎͘c̶̫̹̿̔h̷̙͔̗̭͉̄̇̎̒͂̎̾̐̀͋̂̋̔͝t̸͓̻͎̜͔̯̰̫̪͎̦̮̬̂̑́͂̆̑͘͝ṛ̶̡̨̺̌̇̊͌̒̍̿͐̈́̐͆̚͘ą̷̨̻̮̦̤̠͎̘̱̠̬͍͖̘̀̉͒͗̿̑̑͘͝ṕ̷̢͈̯̩͙̜̩̤̋̀̐́͋ ̶̙̤͕̥̻͒́̈̆͂̏̈́̇̿͌̈́͌g̷̨͙͔̖̰͕̭̰͈̞̲͌̋͒͋͐͜͜l̸̠̘̼̄̄͐ͅi̸̢̧͉͔͈͍͔̰͕̪͈̭̝̻̐̑̅̅̑́͊̇ẗ̵̳́͆̇͊̒̔̍̈́̐̎͘c̶̫̹̿̔h̷̙͔̗̭͉̄̇̎̒͂̎̾̐̀͋̂̋̔͝t̸͓̻͎̜͔̯̰̫̪͎̦̮̬̂̑́͂̆̑͘͝ṛ̶̡̨̺̌̇̊͌̒̍̿͐̈́̐͆̚͘ą̷̨̻̮̦̤̠͎̘̱̠̬͍͖̘̀̉͒͗̿̑̑͘͝ṕ̷̢͈̯̩͙̜̩̤̋̀̐́͋ ̶̙̤͕̥̻͒́̈̆͂̏̈́̇̿͌̈́͌* he then turns back to normal and continues his game*

Okay cool now I'm definitely going to die

[mikefuckingschmidt]

*kevin gets out a game boy and plays super mario land 2*

. . . I'm not turning the lights on

I'm not wasting power just so you can look at rhe screen better