“And it pains me to say I was wrong— Love is not a symptom of Time. Time is just a symptom of Love.” This year, I really did learn, in every single part of my life—career, personal, creative, physical— that I’m never going to suddenly be happy with something just because I’ve been doing it for so long. That I can’t grow contentment out of inertia. That love really isn’t a symptom of time. And it’s one of the hardest lessons I’ve ever had to learn, and this especially was a year where growing hurt physically and emotionally, but I am beyond grateful to have learned it now, and to know it fully to the center of my being. I got to see Newsom perform this song a few weeks ago in Brooklyn. A couple days later, as I was listening to the album while stressing about the mountain of Law School applications I’m working on, one of the lyrics happened to break through all the chaos in my head— Stand brave, Life-liver. And that’s what I fucking learned to do this year. To chase what I want. To take a risk for me. To be a life-liver. And that is what I intend to carry into the next year, and every year after that. And that is why I am grateful for every single thing that happened to me, and every single choice I made this year. They all got me right here. Less than twelve hours away from being 3 years on Testosterone. 9 months post-op from top surgery. A storyteller (sorta, but working on it!). A future lawyer. Caretaker of the dumbest and cutest dog alive. Happy every day. Unsure of everything that’s ahead, but confident that I will pick joy over ease. That I will trust love instead of time.
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