TADC final thoughts but is just me talking about JAX.
This is pure vent after watching the finale, I want to say that I enjoy the movie even after watching the leaks, but it left me sad as hell, ngl. I also want to say that I don't blame Goose for the things that I don't like because they are on ME. Overall the show is awesome, and Goose did a fucking magnificent job directing and taking indie animation to the cinema <3 My thoughts and opinions are just the first impression, and it makes me mad because GOOSE ACTUALLY DID GOOD with the writing choices, and THAT IS WHY IT FUCKING HURTS AAAH, said all that, spoiler ahead:
The problem is when you have a character that ACTUALLY wants to live and you kill it. I'm mourning that man like he was my brother, like he was my friend, like he was my own kid. And yes, you can say Jax was abusive; he was a pain in the ass. Jax was also lost; he was abused, and he had no support.
"You are justifying" I DON'T CARE because when someone regrets something and is crying, pleading to live, to change, to have a new chance, I can't just say "you deserve it" not sincerely.
I know how I sound; I know it looks like I could forgive a fuc*ng r*ap*st talking like this, but this is not the same. This is a show, and I'm tired of people trying to take advantage of the line between reality and fiction. There are people like me who lived through the screen, that need the fiction, that need the idealistic and romanticized story of love winning over pain. Because reality is that shitty, and I don't need someone to confirm it; I KNOW.
And you could say, "but Jax is alive in the real world" THAT JUST MAKES ME SADDER, because he is ACTUALLY CAPABLE TO CHANGE, and that just makes me MAD because I understand WHY HE WAS CAPABLE and WHY HE HAD TO BE ERASED FROM THE CIRCUS.
Because the circus was his free pass, he knew he was real, he knew his real self was still outside feeling lost and scared.
It was easier for him to just fake pretend, but that also made him turn in his WORST SELF. With no limits or real consequences, his regrets and insecurities were just fuel to his actions. If he had stayed in the circus with everyone, his mindset would have been the same. Different from Lerroy, whose real actions had real consequences, who HAD to solve his problems to actually live a life, and he did.
AND THE OPTIMISTIC IN ME CAN'T FUCKING ACCEPT THAT.
Jax and Lerroy are different because Jax IS HIS BROKEN SELF, is the guy who was in the streets alone, the one who felt that he did everything wrong to his parents, who had to keep his guard up to prevent anyone from making him feel pain. AND I NEED HIM TO KNOW THAT HE CAN BE LOVED, BECAUSE THEN I CAN BE LOVED TOO.
"you are projecting." No shit, Sherlock. What do you think we do when we watch entertainment media? we just fucking eat popcorn? NO. Some people take it personally, because we get to be seen in the characters. No, I'm not saying I'm an abusive, toxic, son of a b***. I'm saying that some of us are broken for many reasons, and we can't really share it, and that is sad and lonely, but then a character on the screen struggles like you, and you can feel it, the empathic comprehension.
You can't help but want them to be helped, to heal. AND IT FUCKING HURT WHEN THEY DON'T. Why? Why can he be saved? Why is everyone there for each other and get to see their real versions but HIM? Why can't he lean on Pomni to have that second chance with everyone? HE COULD CHANGE HIS MINDSET IF HE ACTUALLY SEE HIS REAL SELF DOING GOOD, IF HE ACTUALLY GOT OUT OF HIS ABSTRACTION, HE WOULD HAVE SEEN THAT HE IS ACTUALLY WORTHY OF FORGIVENESS, THAT HE IS CAPABLE OF HEALING, AND THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WANT HIM TO DO SO. THAT INFO WOULD HAVE BEEN HIS FIRST STEP TO.
I'm just hurt and sad, and UGH. And again, it is not on Goose, I do understand the need of his character getting abstracted, I do respect the writing choices, is just ME. Is me, who personally needed the idealistic resolution.
AHHH, well, that's all for now. Overall the show is optimistic, but is bittersweet for me, because again. I connected with his character, is problematic, but he was not Clay Poppintong; he was not an evil self with no way of redemption. I guess what hurts is that he was not completely lost, that he had a slight chance of changing, and in the end, in fact, he did.
I'm terrified because next week is the finale of TADC, and the last time I was this confident about something being fake was the Jancy breakup, AND THEY WERE ACTUALLY BREAKING UP SOOO.
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