Shailani Jha

Mind filled with emotions

[mindfilledwithemotions-blog]

Love or need

We seek love from people but what do we give them back? We donot want love because love is never only taking. We seek to fill our loneliness. That is it what matter. We donot want anyone because we love them. The word “love” rarely exist. We call it love because we think that making a bit of efforts is everything we could have done. But it is never the way we look at it. We always can do beyond infinity for anyone whome we love. The moment when jealousy, distance, misunderstandings occur we realise, oh! It was not love. Yes, love is always without any expectation. But we do expect some or the other thing from people connected to our life. And that is what i call just filling up your loneliness rather than it being called love.

[mindfilledwithemotions-blog]

That one person

Can u accept them back?

The one who used to make you smile. That one person who was your everything. You left every enjoyable moment of your life where you would have created great memories. Instead you choose to spend quality time with them. It’s not that they didn’t want the same. She was equally true to you. She did the same towards you.

But one day, you made all your efforts but it all went vain. Not because she didn’t noticed, rather because she was equipped with other things. She was running through turmoils of her life. You stood by her side, with all the zeal and efforts. You console her. You loved her when she was unlovable.

But that effort which went vain, which was unnoticed, hit you so hard. You couldn’t crib upon anything other than that. The efforts made by others at the same time was noticed. Other’s efforts were everywhere on the social media but your’s was nowhere. And that hit you so bad that you never wanted to start a conversation from your own side. Did this ever happen to you?

You missed her but you in your wrath found new company. The company that was liked by everyone around and yes you loved them as well. But that one person who made you smile when you were in tears, you left her alone.

By her fake happy posts, you imagine she was happy without you.

When you started to made conversations she was rude, and you left her without saying anything.

And then one day she came back being the same. Would you accept her the way she was earlier in your life? Would she matter the same?

Yes, she would matter the same. Not because you love her. Because, she was in pain and you left her thinking she didn’t want to talk to you. You were at fault. She was all innocent.

[mindfilledwithemotions-blog]

That one person

Can u accept them back?

The one who used to make you smile. That one person who was your everything. You left every enjoyable moment of your life where you would have created great memories. Instead you choose to spend quality time with them. It’s not that they didn’t want the same. She was equally true to you. She did the same towards you.

But one day, you made all your efforts but it all went vain. Not because she didn’t noticed, rather because she was equipped with other things. She was running through turmoils of her life. You stood by her side, with all the zeal and efforts. You console her. You loved her when she was unlovable.

But that effort which went vain, which was unnoticed, hit you so hard. You couldn’t crib upon anything other than that. The efforts made by others at the same time was noticed. Other’s efforts were everywhere on the social media but your’s was nowhere. And that hit you so bad that you never wanted to start a conversation from your own side. Did this ever happen to you?

You missed her but you in your wrath found new company. The company that was liked by everyone around and yes you loved them as well. But that one person who made you smile when you were in tears, you left her alone.

By her fake happy posts, you imagine she was happy without you.

When you started to made conversations she was rude, and you left her without saying anything.

And then one day she came back being the same. Would you accept her the way she was earlier in your life? Would she matter the same?

Yes, she would matter the same. Not because you love her. Because, she was in pain and you left her thinking she didn’t want to talk to you. You were at fault. She was all innocent.

[mindfilledwithemotions-blog]

A random thought

Sometimes while sitting amidst the crowd, can you feel the loneliness?

No, not that sort of loneliness where you donot have anyone. You have everyone around but still you crave for being with someone. That someone is noone in your mind. You don’t crave for him who left you alone, who left you when there was noone other than him in your life. You crave for noone but still you crave for someone. When noone around you can suffice you. Noone can make you laugh because all you experience is irritation. You feel irritated with the overdosed pamper of people around, which you just don’t seek to. The love people shower on you feels fake. You want to run. Run from noone and to nowhere. And even after running away you are not happy. That sort of loneliness, when felt does it kill you inside?

You want to breathe, you actually are alive but you donot feel being so. You want to cry. You want to express your emotions, but you have nothing to express. Tears donot roll down your cheeks, no matter how hard you try. This feeling is what kills and tear apart the soul.

You know you will overcome this. Because few moments or hours later you will seek to them who wanted to make you laugh. You will regret you were rude to them who were making their efforts for you to be happy. But in that moment you just can’t stay with them. Because you are not you. I donot call it a mood swing. I donot wang anyone to ask me at that time “are you on dates?”. This is just not something unusual or abnormal.

What should be done when everything feels so empty and vain?

What i do is simply i be with myself. I try to figure out what can make me come through this. If i can’t conquer my own mind how will i lead in any circumstance. And this is the only statement i advice to every one. The only satisfactory thing that makes me come over the turmoil. And yes i live. I live my each and every moment.