So tonight my brainās in overdrive after seeing something pretty horrible from a friend. Itās made me think. A lot.
A while ago I watched a talk by BrenĆ© Brown on trust. It made me totally re-evaluate all of my friendships until I realised I had one, maybe two people I trust completely. Itās also made me determined to be the best version of myself I can be.
So tonight I saw these horrible, hurtful remarks and I just thoughtĀ āsorry, was I meant to compile a CV and submit it for the vacancy for a friend?ā
Itās also made me stop and thinkĀ āhow many times has this person made me feel crappy? How often have I listened to this person talk and question myself as a result? Do I really need people who make me feel like this?ā
Yāknow, I donāt know if I have the energy to keep trying to help people who time and time again prove that they arenāt reliable, run from accountability, lack integrity, and rarely, if ever, withhold judgement.
When things hit a snag I make a point of stepping back, taking a breather, then going back, apologising, explaining things from my perspective, and above all, forgiving, whether I receive an apology or not.
When they prove themselves to be unreliable or if they arenāt open about something, I avoid passing judgement, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Now Iām thinking, Iām getting tired of explaining myself time and time again, of exhausting myself trying to be the person you wish I was.
You may be reading this. If you are, hereās a couple of things that I would ask you to take on-board for next time you encounter another human being:
1. You make me feel small. You talk down to me and laugh when I donāt understand things. I canāt help Iām not on the same wavelength as you, that I donāt share all of your passions.
2. There are a few promises youāve made, and havenāt kept. Just scroll through our previous interactions, if you can be bothered.
3. You ignore me when I tell you crucial details, conditions, whatever, call them what you like. You ignore me which leaves me in a horrible, even humiliating position sometimes.
4. Youāve made me feel tolerated as opposed to wanted, and that hurts. That really, really hurts.
I want to change the world. Just maybe not in the same way you do. You want to help people on your wavelength. I want to help people on mine. Sometimes our people overlap. Maybe not enough for us to create change together.
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