Fishing is an option I won't try out

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Teabag wisdom in the night.

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I am visiting my sister. She is having a bad day today and must rest a lot so I am doing things on my own. I went to this grocery store that is open on Sundays and I was buying things for dinner. I am making dinner today. I found a recipe on the Internet for a curry dish that is not too complicated. I thought of my sister's husband who is a vegetarian so it's a vegetarian dish too. They always have food in the freezer he can eat if my sister and I want to make a dish with meat but today he will get a vegetarian dish so he can eat the same as us. I also bought some crossword puzzle so I can kill some time that way and not bother my sister. It's OK to just keep a low profile today. I am thinking about my cat and I have googled new cats to see who is available for adoption... but it's too soon with a new cat and maybe there won't be another cat? Let's see! I am glad I could visit my sister now. I needed to get away from home for a while.

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Today's scripture card.

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Teabag wisdom.

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I found a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Look at those roses!

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Out walking in the woods. I pretend my cat is sleeping at home. <3 I found lingonberries and blueberries.

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An extra scripture card for this day when my cat left me. <3

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I went to church and lit a candle for my cat. My house is empty now. Home just slipped out of the window. I fear the night ahead of me.

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And there my little floof, my black fur baby has crossed the rainbow bridge. <3 It came to an end today. I have been in tears all day. She is already missed. My beautiful, black cat. <3 She has been with me for 12 years. I found her in a cat shelter when she was 2 years old.

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Norwegian summer. But harvest is coming before you know it. Autumn is close.

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I went for a walk this afternoon. Nice weather for it but too much wind. I stopped by the church too and had a nice talk with the woman minding the open church today. I had to light a candle for my fur baby and send a prayer or two. I must see the vet again on Wednesday. They don't like that she hardly eats. It's not looking good.

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Today's scripture card.

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Think of all the pictures I could take if I went to New York? Or Paris? Or another big city...

I want to go places and take pictures of whatever comes my way and here I sit in my living room going nowhere. Sigh! I had a plan this week to go to Oslo but that went down the drain. I am sad about that and this thing with my cat is eating at my bones. She is just skin and bones and for how long can it go on that she hardly eats? One week with the medicine now. Things should start to change. I have noticed a small change. She seems more happy. :-) She talks to me and kneads the blanket. She accepts it more that I give her medicine. She sits on my lap a lot but why can't she just eat like she used to?

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I wonder who he is, my future boyfriend? Who is he? Where does he live? I want to think he is out there with lots of love for me. And someone I can love too with all my heart.

How is he at driving a car? Does he like to travel? Is he a calm type? Does he like to cuddle? I hope he does. Can I reject him if he doesn't like to cuddle? What is a no no with a guy? Where do you draw the line? Can I afford to be picky?

At this moment I can't imagine someone falling in love with me because I don't like myself and I almost get angry if someone likes me because that messes with how I look at myself. At the same time I need people to like me... I need them to find something about me that is positive. Not that I need to be an angel but a touch of something good, something positive.

My future boyfriend... I hope he exists. I have to look for him in all the odd places.

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It was I who applied for that job and moved to this place out in the country. I wanted to be closer to home but this was never home. I have never felt more lost. It's as if the language they talk around here is foreign and I lost my voice completely. But I was an adult. I made a choice but who said that I had to stick with that choice? But I wanted to feel home. I even bought my own place. I didn't listen to that tiny voice that was saying this is not working. I just prompted that this has to work and I don't know why I had to go on in a race that was dead.

And then anxiety did me in and I am stuck and besides where can I move to? And this is starting to feel like home. I have lived here for many years. Roots grow in odd places. Maybe I never really gave the place a chance? It's nothing wrong with the place but I haven't quite found my seat around here. It's probably my fault. Me and my ways, hey.

Maybe country living is not for me? If I had my own family... my mum used to say: you gotta live somewhere so why not here?

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The kitchen is a mess. The dinner I was planning on making, I don't want. I am hungry and I have a migraine. I keep staring at Jack White, wondering whatever I did say to him that made him stare at his hands like that. By the way I really like that picture and the fact that he is not looking straight at the camera adds this energy to the picture. I went to the mall yesterday and bought the newest Uncut magazine. I wanted to read about Jack. I also wanted to check out the CD that comes with it. But until now all I have done is staring at Jack's face. Maybe he's got some answers? Maybe he can clean my kitchen and make me dinner? I am so hungry but that kitchen is bombed and I don't feel like cooking there or cleaning. Sigh! I think I just have a slice of bread and an egg. That will have to do for now.

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A crying Friday today. So many tears.