the simple things. @minidandelion - Tumblr Blog

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A pretty reminiscent night of how things used to be in my life and I’m not sure I miss it either. Like Blair says from GG, even though the old clothes may fit, that doesn’t mean you should wear them either. Haha

I want to move forwards in my life. I don’t want to be stagnant and I think I’ve forgotten my real purpose of moving to Houston. I told myself that I’d become stronger and more independent. But I’ve realized now that that was such a vague goal. In what aspect should I become stronger in? Tonight, I want to clarify that and hope that I can follow through with it.

I’m going to start with just one goal so I don’t get too ahead of myself, lol.

- challenging myself to find a new hobby and have the integrity and perseverance to continue it. Maybe rock-climbing!!

I’ve looked at so many of my old pictures and memories from college and I really did have the time of my life, but I was always a floater. So it’s time I try something new and see if I can dedicate time and effort towards it. Take a leap and see where it takes me. #miniresolutions #babysteps

Do you ever have those days where you just want to crawl into a ball and hug yourself and hope that everything’s going to be okay? If so, that’s me right now and this could be for a couple of reasons...

1. Le boyfriend

Obviously he’s always the first to blame, haha. But honestly, coming to Houston has cast many doubts and trials on our relationship due to our busy schedules. Aside from our daily routines, there’s hardly any time left for each other, which means our primary mode of communication is texting. We’ve made a system of trying to call each other every night, so it actually hasn’t been too bad. I just wonder if he’s everything I’ve ever wanted though. I look at my dad and how detailed he is, how knowledgeable, and how forward-thinking he is. Martin is not really any of those things, yet I love him all the same because he makes me happy in ways that I can’t really explain. I’ve thought about having a counterpart like my dad, and honestly I have a girl friend who is just like my dad, and I realized - HELL NO. Our conversations would be dry, our relationship lacking, and I know that I really wouldn’t be happy. I read an article recently about things you should consider before marriage because I was still doubting, and one of the comments really struck me. The author talked about how a marriage was practically doomed before it even started if you viewed it in a consumer-like way. You can’t compare the pros and cons so easily in a relationship because it’s so much more than that. In the case that you do, you’ll never find anyone who can meet those standards. With all of this being said, no, my boyfriend is not the reason for this unhappiness.

2. Moving to Houston

I recently moved to Houston to complete my degree at UT (long story just know that YES, I’m still a student at UT). Coming here, I was so excited about moving to a new city by myself. I would be able to actually live on my own and learn how to embrace my solitude and independence. I didn’t realize, however, that this experience would be a pretty lonely one. I banked on the idea that I would constantly be surrounded by people and so it wouldn’t be hard to meet new people. Looking back, I realize that I was completely wrong, haha. I didn’t account for my program taking up 6-8 hours each day, having to cook each day and prepare meals, sleeping earlier, and omg studying every day. Not only the time, but I wasn’t able to see tons of people in different settings each day either. This program only has 6 of us and we’re ALL girls and 5/6 of us are Viet. So much for diversity LOL. But I learned to enjoy my loneliness and found myself focusing on the tasks at hand with more intention and seriousness. Even though I did eventually find friends to hang out with in Houston, I still haven’t even hung out with all of them because of how busy I am. My life in Austin was so drastic bc I was often in this phase of constantly hanging out with others, even if we weren’t doing much. Living in Houston has taught me about living more intentionally and learning how to spread my time amongst the things I value. SO...it ain’t Houston that’s making me feel like crap.

3. Med school.

I started applying for med schools this summer, and by summer, I mean LATE summer. I put it off for so long because I wasn’t sure about pursuing this journey, but after shadowing some PAs, I knew that path wasn’t for me. So off I went, applying to schools and now, I’m STILL working on secondary apps. I’ve done so many essays that I’ve become lost on what I’ve written to specific schools and if I’ve repeated myself or not. But this process is driving me insane and I still haven’t heard back from any of them with a call about an interview and I’m just so sick and tired of it. I’m afraid that I won’t know what to do with my life either if I end up not getting in and it’s a scary thought to consider, especially since I’ve put so much money into this application. It’s been bothering me to the point where I’m reminded every day of how unsuccessful I am. This is the sensation that is making me want to curl up and cry in bed all the time or just sleep all my worries away. It just feels good to let this stuff out somewhere and I know that this is the sole reason for my unhappiness. Also partly, it’s my lack of a relationship with God. I think I’ve been trying to control things for too long now, and this is His time of trying to tell me to let go and let Him handle the rest. I just need to pray and believe and stop worrying.

standstill

Recently I’ve been feeling like I’m stuck in a rut. My life feels stagnant and I don’t feel productive at all. If anything, I feel even further from my goals than before.

Somewhere along the drive today, we were talking about grandparents growing old and having to take care of them and I happened to be looking at our Uber driver. Some thoughts struck me in this moment: 1) Here was a full grown man having to be an Uber driver to make a living and 2) The cycle of life continues as such...being a kid that’s taken care of by their parents, becoming an adult to take care of their own kids, and then eventually having to care for my own parents.

And yes, maybe it wasn’t his entire career and maybe it was a side job, but so many people are just working so hard to scrape through life and somehow make it out okay. But for what purpose? What reason? Life just keeps throwing hurdles at us and I just feel so tired of it all. This sounds like a depressing existential crisis, but I’ve held these questions for so long now that I think they’ve been weighing me down. Maybe it’s because I’ve drifted from my religion that I’ve felt this way and this is how God is trying to call me back.

It’s also interesting to think about how SO many people believe in God and focus their lives on them. Such a big leap of faith - but at the same time, I guess we don’t have much to lose either. Our lives would be meaningless without religion. So I guess this post is just a little vent/mantra to myself to make my way back to God and set my life back into place.

Another thought - what if this “stagnant” period is just meant for me to just sit still and take in the things around me? Such as learn from my brother, who has suddenly taken a turn and made family a priority. (Side note - I’m actually so happy that I’m able to learn something from him. The lesson I got from him was to just be very appreciative of our family and not take them for granted. Take the time to thank them genuinely and properly because we only really have each other in life.)

tldr: be grateful to people & set your life on God.

MMM TODAY WAS GOOD.

Ping-pong tournament and played some pick-up on the side also and I can’t believe how much I’ve missed it. Not just the volleyball, but also spending time on campus too. Studying in PCL and the SAC, even though they can be depressing and draining areas - they make me feel like a real college student. I’m constantly studying at school and the idea of it just makes me happy, which encourages me even more to study. Getting food at J2 today with Serena also brought back some good vibes and I’ve missed hanging out with her too. Being at Martin’s all the time, I feel like I’m stuck in this bubble of just myself and Martin. I like it, but at the same time we should be reminded that there’s so much more out there for us. Today was a reminder of that and we really gotta leave this bubble to find it. Ever since Lina’s baptism also, I’ve been really encouraged to keep meeting with God and maintain this relationship with Him. good vibes all around!! :)

There was no explanation to 9-year-old Andrew's violent behavior until his uncle, Dr. Daniel Amen, was able to use a groundbreaking discovery to change Andrew's life. Read:...

Radiology!!! So freaking cool

If you're single and don't have kids, Tracee Ellis Ross has a message for you. Read her full speech here: http://glmr.co/phZqpr9

omg I love this. #womenempowerment

I feel like I’m so antsy right now because I need a hobby or some type of entertainment to make me feel productive throughout the day. Maybe I should pick up calligraphy or something..........gdi this restless soul.

We’re such fools. So many options are presented before us, yet we choose to run away from them in fear of being held responsible for choosing one over the other. Don’t take these opportunities for granted; it’s not often that you’ll be hand-fed valuable experiences like this. No decision is ever wrong, nor right, either. You can only take steps forward, so long as you’re focused and passionate. gogogogoogogogo. make use of the limited time given

:’)

Interviewer: Why can’t you be alone without Yoko? John Lennon: But I can be alone without Yoko, but I just have no wish to be. There’s no reason on earth why I should be alone without Yoko. There’s nothing more important than our relationship, nothing. And we dig being together all the time. Both of us could survive apart but what for? I’m not going to sacrifice love, real love for any whore or any friend or any business, because in the end you’re alone at night and neither of us want to be. and you can’t fill a bed with groupies. It doesn’t work. I don’t want to be a swinger. I’ve been through it all and nothing works better than to have someone you love hold you. life is as simple as that.

my infinity stone

*roughly along these lines* You: “Wow, I love how you take initiative.” Me: “Haha yeah I guess?”

I started thinking about this more after because it surprised me since I’m not so “initiative-y” in reality most times. I mean, yes, I am sorta confident about things I guess, but I usually won’t go out of my way to find something unless it’s a must-have. I’ll just accept what they’ve offered in front of me, push away the salesman as best as possible, and ask no further questions. It’s you that makes me so much more confident about myself, you that makes me want to try harder so I can do more for us, and once again, you that makes me think about things in ways I never would have thought of before. I want to do things for you too - and, with you by my side, I feel like I could overcome any obstacle.

Love is knowing fully well that you could do fine just without them, but you like doing life with them too much: fighting over the random and irrelevant (but not actually irrelevant) things, seeing new and old places together, back hugs, etc. Life is just so much better with them that you don’t want to leave. Love is making the conscious decision to stay and share life together.

About the honeymoon phase.. Everyone goes through it and it’s this exciting period where you’re completely fascinated and obsessed with each other, to the point where you’re just blinded by happiness. Passing the honeymoon phase doesn’t mean this is over. Like an item, you begin to realize its true worth and value to you. You see all the blemishes it holds, all its imperfections - yet you somehow find yourself loving those small quirks that make it so unique. See, those blemishes and imperfections are just a way of saying that it might not look as pretty or act a certain way in comparison to the rest of those items - so you may think that the blemishes are “defects”, but I love those “defects” because they make you, you. When I tell you I don’t see them, it’s because they’re a part of you. It’s not like you’re wholly defined by them; I just see you for the collection of things you represent: a competitive and passionate individual who cares so much about not hurting others, giving everything your best shot, and so much more. And I like being unconventionally weird with you. It's why we match so well :)

I want to continue holding you and being with you forever, so don’t be sad if I tell you our honeymoon phase may be over.

he is love

“Love twisted into selfishness is the twisting of all that is good into a monster. Anger, lust, envy, covetousness are all manifestations of this twisted monster. We are powerful beings! The Holy Spirit sets us free from the horror of sin, and restores us to the true image of God, to love Him, to love others, and to be free from worry about our own lives and comfort.

The greatest joy is to be released to love others and the greatest power is to be patient when we are wronged, and not to feel resentful. This is God’s powerful plan for us - to make a people who can have fellowship with Him and shine with His nature and His glory.”

From one of the devotional content breakdowns of 1 John 4, “Anyone who does not know love does not know God, because God is love.” Been struggling recently with keeping up with God and just setting aside a little bit of time for Him, but I love how it all comes down to how He is love. I guess from a non-believer standpoint, it makes it easier to believe in god this way because love is literally everywhere. To think that such a high being would represent the purest and strongest form of emotion...it just makes sense. tbh this might be a big reason I chose to believe, solely because I believe that the world should run on love. Maybe Christianity is just full of a bunch of hopeless romantics and that’s ok, haha. Love rules all.

to be a kid again.

Kids have things so simple. They see something, decide whether or not they like it, and proceed. Why people gotta be so complicated and pretend to be all mature. :c wtf society why you make these rules and customs that make everyones’ lives harder. tbh we’re all just kids pretending to be “adults”. Age is just a number but it gives so much power smh. Sometimes kids can be more wise than old people okie.

Was reminded when I was racing around the house with Thomas of how I used to race with my cousin too. We wouldn’t necessarily race against each other, but we raced against ourselves to try and beat our time. Eventually, there was even this tiny lil handprint on the wall bc I tagged it so much LOL. Then I wrote my name with some teal crayon above it and circled it HAHAHA I’m just so glad my parents never cared because it was right in front of their bedroom too. It’s gone now since we repainted the house, but those were the simple, happy times. It’s interesting to see how a person’s idea of “fun” is transformed with age, but I feel like we always return to our kid-like self in the instances that are the most fun. Just have to forget all the rules and customs and let loooooose [:

heart things

“Most cardiac muscle is contractile, but about 1% of the myocardial cells are specialized to generate action potentials spontaneously. These cells account for a unique property of the heart: its ability to contract without any outside signal.”

from physio textbook. but i love how these things can symbolize things in life too :^) strive to be the 1% that does things to make the heart beat, simply because that’s what they’re meant to do

test

this semester is such a test on my values: time, relationships, & school. main thing to take away: you have to help yourself before you can even try to help anyone else. otherwise what else can you offer?

Idk what’s wrong with me. Idk what’s different from these past semesters. Sure the classes are harder, but why the hell can I not study. Or maybe it’s just so much that I’m struggling to keep up, which is destroying my gpa :/ girl you need to get a grip on life again. Readjust the way you’ve been going about this semester ok? Really make a plan and go about achieving it.

I’m at loss of words for this semester. Like, I just feel like God is with me and this is like the first time I’ve felt this. But I really believe I feel His presence and everything’s been so good. I forgot what day it was, but I remember distinctly feeling like this and how I wanted to continue living a life for God. And he’s definitely been in my thoughts more. yeeee I don’t want to forget how I used to think and act though and I feel like that has changed slightly. Like when bad things happen, I don’t want to start getting angry and blaming God or anything and I feel like I’m very susceptible to that.

I’m also very aware now of how I treat guys LOL. Like I used to be pretty flirty with them and I realize that now. Not flirty, but I laughed too easily around them and joked more around them to try and get them to laugh and craved their attention. I know now that those relationships tended to be more shallow and I really want to just become good friends with people. I want to build lasting relationships. Not relationships where I’m constantly searching for a guy to fill some void of attention and love.

I also miss Charles a lot. Like, I didn’t realize I loved him this much. Part of me wonders if I love him more because of what he is now and how he’s improved, or if I’m just making things up in my mind of how he’s such a good person which is making me fool myself into believing I love him this much. idk. Regardless, I don’t know when I’ll actually fully get over him, but I think I will. I’ve felt this way with Eastian before and I thought I would never get over him, but I did. And even though this relationship is definitely different, I think I will get over him eventually and hopefully we’ll be able to be really good friends....

plans for this winter break tho: - READ BOOKS!! - catch up with family & friends - continue bible plan & maybe tell parents

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the simple things.