charlie

21 🦇

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started new medicine today, feeling like nobody sees me

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thinking about my car accident, the moment of impact, like pressing my fingers against a bruise as hard as i can

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drunk thinking about how my best friend doesn’t really hold any interest in me

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i got into a car accident a little while back and i think since then i can’t stop thinking about my life being at the liberty of others. what can i do if someone decides they want to kill me?

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update: i have not changed

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i think i want to change

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i would never stop ruminating not even if it were illegal

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life update i have the emotional capacity of a goldfish and want to k!ll myself ❤️

for real tho i started working which is a big step for me bc i haven’t been able to handle work in a while. it’s been hard and i’ve been so tired but it’s necessary!

i’ve been feeling sooooo lonely recently (like do i even know my friends lol??) so i had a little breakdown today but i spent some time with my family and im feeling better.

maybe not having friends is fine, i just have so much love in my heart and it can be incredibly painful when my friends don’t hold the same amount for me. life is constant disappointment and acceptance, these things happen. maybe i should try to talk to people… i dunno

i’m like 10 steps away from exploding but at least i’m cute and stuff

[erebus183-deactivated20240721]

i want to ruin everything so i can suffer terribly.

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life is so hard and consciousness is so overwhelming.

responsibilities are so overwhelming.

being alive is so overwhelming.

uni finals week is su!cide fuel!!

i am so depressed!!! feeling so passive about my existence!!!!! i have so much to do and no motivation to do it!!!!!!!!!

being real though i’m stressed to the point where my body feels like it’s constantly getting ready to explode but the explosion never happens so i just have all of this build up on the inside of my skin and i can’t get it out.

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one single thing away from having a nervous breakdown!!! i am feeling so unwell!!! i am addicted to hurting myself!!!

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turned 20 today. maybe grief is something that will lay with me for the rest of my life, and maybe that’s okay

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i hate that i want something awful to happen to you. yet i dont, because you would deserve it. what is an action without a consequence? what is a bite without blood?

i pick out the nerves in my fingers, one day i will no longer have to feel your presence. maybe you’d given up on me long ago, and i know i am sick when i miss your violent embrace.

most days i feel as if you sliced me open and gouged out my ability to move forward. it is easier to blame someone else. but you shouldn’t have done what you did. you shouldn’t have done what you did.

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alexa play motion picture soundtrack by radiohead i would rather feel something than nothing at all

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i crumble without purpose. but maybe i was put on this planet to make my friends and family smile.

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i am so afraid of being human. i wonder if god hates his children for what we’ve become.

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i think there is something fundamentally wrong with me and i am so tired of trying to rip it out, my fingertips are practically dripping with desperation