welcome to my brain @owlfish - Tumblr Blog

Reminder that I’m not a medical professional nor psychologist

If you truly are concerned about the mental health of yourself or another person, go to a professional

The best I can offer is my own personal advice and some comfort

- v.

grief is so crazy like what if i forget what her laugh sounds like. does she know i loved her. i miss her so much. i catch myself doing things she used to do. i wish i could call her. i miss her so much. i do a crossword puzzle. i cry while washing the dishes. does she know i loved her? my heart feels like a hummingbird. i miss her so much. what if i forget what her laugh sounds like. what if i forget.

glowcowboy

i talked ab this feeling in therapy yday and my therapist asked me, “would it really be so bad if your memories changed? if they softened and faded or looked different over time? why does that frighten you so much?” and i said, “i don’t want the love to disappear.” and she looked at me for a long moment and then she said, “it won’t. it doesn’t work that way. even if the memories soften or change, it doesn’t mean the love does. that love keeps going backward in time, forever, because you love her still. all is not lost.” i just thought i would share that in case it resonated w anyone else too.

#sigh #almost ten years #reblog

i love you. if you’re trans keep living. if you’re a poc keep living. if you’re a woman keep living. they want you dead. don’t give them that.

maybe buy a gun or smth

#text #ok to rb

weird how someone’s solution to my childhood abuse is to simply,,, kill my father??

#anyways Don’t do that guys #psa #text #not vent

aropride

people have got to get normaler about systems

aropride

no we are not going to kill anyone

fictive introjects aren't literally blorbo from your show and expecting them to act exactly the same as blorbo is weird

introjects who arent fictives exist also

u cant just demand someone else fronts it's rude and weird. also talking to a system isn't really a choose your own adventure type of thing

no there isn't an "evil alter"

persecutor alters do exist and are common but they arent evil alters and should be treated with the same respect youd treat anyone else

some systems have like 2 or 3 members and others have hundreds. its generally not ur business why a system has the amount of alters they do

u arent entitled to know whos fronting 24/7. a lot of systems dont even always know whos fronting let alone want to share

switching is often not obvious or dramatic at all. it can be but generally it's not.though it does depend if someone has a more overt or covert presentation

did isnt actually that rare. around 1.5% of people are diagnosed with did and it goes undiagnosed a lot. and 1.5% is around the same amount of people who have red hair or ocd or green eyes

you have absolutely no way of knowing if someone is "faking" or lying about being a system. "what about-" nope not even if they do that. almost everything that people claim make it obvious someones lying (nonhuman alters, bigger systems, overt presentation etc) are just... ways that systems exist. ur not in their head, u dont get to decide what theyre experiencing

no we arent possessed

yes it is a real disorder

aropride

some other stuff i want to add:

i realized i didnt define system in this post. WHOOPS. basically the most simple definition is "multiple people/selves who share one body".

theres a LOT of different terms that people prefer . ive been using system and alter bc i see those the most but some prefer other terms, like collective. plural and multiple are words i see a lot to describe the experience of multiple people in one body,, and headmate/system member/part/alter/etc are all terms that exist that mean similar things. generally its best to ask what terms a system prefers. from my experience, system and alter/headmate are most common, but it depends system to system and sometimes between system members

the 1.5% is like. a minimum tbh. bc i'd guess a lot of systems arent diagnosed with anything, even if they do fit the criteria (some systems dont!), and especially bc being a system isnt usually something people can tell from looking at u and most psychiatrists/other mental health professionals dont have much if any experience with working with systems

if youre not a system but want to give ur hot take on intracommunity system discourse. Please dont. 🙏

on that note. without getting too into the aforementioned discourse fakeclaiming (saying someone isnt really a system) someone because they identify as endogenic or nondisordered or whatever else is a dick move. again youre not in their head and dont know their experiences. also it literally does not affect u either way

also if u ARE a system and don't want to give ur hot take on intracommunity system discourse, or if u dont have one, u dont have to. frankly i dont know enough about a lot of it to have an opinion and discourse stresses me out so i avoid it

some systems like to be referred to with plural terms (you all, you&, yous, etc). some don't. it varies by system

a lot of stuff varies by system, and generally asking isnt a bad thing to do. as a general rule tho if ur question has to do with trauma maybe don't ask it.

when in doubt it can be helpful to think if youd say the same thing to a singlet (person whos not a system). like, "what terms are u ok with being used for u/are u ok with [word]/is it ok if i ask about [thing]" is probably fine. "what trauma have u been thru please explain in detail so i can decide if youre really a system" is definitely not.

if someone tells you theyre a system absolutely don't tell anyone else unless they give u explicit permission

i lost the tag but someone in the tags mentioned thinking of it like several people sharing a social media account but instead of an account it's a body which is a really good way of thinking of it imo. like several people could be online/fronting at once, they dont have to say whos posting/fronting, they dont need a public list of members, and the people in the account/system can have different relationships with each other

once again a lot of this varies btwn systems and i absolutely havent represented Every Single System Experience here, these are just some of the first things to come to mind

also for learning more theres a lot of youtubers who talk abt their experiences!! the rings system and multiplicityandme are two i remember watching a lot when i first started learning about system stuff. anthony padilla also has a video with systems. also theres scientific articles and stuff if ur like me and like to read those for fun. but they definitely tend to be very clinical/scientific and might not be a great representation of what its actually like to be a system

ok one last thing. if u are a system or think u might be. i believe you, i support u, and i love you 💕

switch-and-twitch-deactivated20

As a fairly recently discovered system, it's really important for us to hear that last bit. <3

#reblog

owlfish

11/3/21

somethings-monstrous-deactivate

This phase of trauma recovery is hell.

"It happened."

"It didn't happen"

"It happened."

"It wasn't that bad."

"It was so much worse."

"It didn't happen."

"It happened..to me."

You'll cycle through that so many times. But, you do find acceptance. You do come to terms with it. This phase of recovery is just that. A phase. And it can take years. Especially if you're still in contact with or still being abused by those that caused the trauma.

But it does end. You will move past this phase. It will always hurt. The damage is done. But it won't always hurt constantly. It won't always hurt this badly. You'll be able to talk about it without shattering. You'll be able to think of it or those that caused it without all the agony. It takes time, which sucks. But it does get better.

If I could give a tip it would be: don't fight the anger that follows. Accept it. Get angry. Write angry letters and burn them. Buy a punching bag and beat the hell out of it. Destroy things they gave you that you don't want around. Scream. Anger is part of the healing process and there are healthy ways of coping with it. But if you deny the anger, you'll slide right back into pain. The anger won't last forever. But the anger is the part of you that knows you were wronged. That you deserved better. That it isn't fair you're having to deal with this. Don't let it consume you. But don't shove it away. All fires eventually burn out. Even the Sun. Let the rage burn. It will burn out. And the step after that is so much less painful.

#reblog #thank you

so what’s been going on with me regarding that last post

TW: ED

in August I went to the doctors to get seen about my migraines. while i was there i had a pulse of 136 BPM and i had lost a significant amount of weight (i was 88lbs now). obviously this was concerning so they wanted to get that checked out before starting any treatment.

they did a bunch of blood work. i had to wear a heart monitor for a week. they took me off my adderall to see if this was a factor (it wasn’t, but it was causing the weight loss). everything came back normal so i went to my GP to do some testing for POTS.

we did that. she said it was “very likely” i have it but wanted to do more tests. i did more blood work, went to do an echocardiogram. again, everything came back normal.

and then my psych got involved. everyone including her kept asking me what my relationship with food was. i told them it was fine, i don’t have an eating disorder, i just forget to eat and i get nauseous when I do eat.

she referred me to do an assessment for an IOP program. the social worker who did the assessment for me said i don’t have an eating disorder, but my eating habits are concerning. she said that with the weight I’m at currently it would be dangerous to continue taking medication for ADHD.

so yea that’s where im at currently.

#it’s very annoying #mine #text #vent #tw ed #ed #trigger warning

09/19/22

#ok to rb #mine #vent #tw ed #ed #tw #trigger warning #mental illness #mentally ill #vent art #art #actuallymentallyill

psych put me on abilify bc aderrall KILLED my appetite lol

#not too stoked abt it but whatever ig #not vent #mine #text #abilify

happy one year to being on meds

#not vent #mine #text

wholeheartedsuggestions

when you’re upset/angry, that’s not your “true colors”. not “the true” you. people judging you at your lowest points is unfair to your character. do not let yourself reduce who you are to your reactions in the heat of a stressful moment.

#reblog