iii. james jinxes himself | day 1, Saturday night
summary. Over summer holiday, James, Sirius, and Peter spend a weekend at Remus’ small, muggle populated village. For their Moony’s sake, they dedicate themselves to spend the entire weekend undercover as muggles. Especially when it comes to his cute neighbor. Will they be able to keep up the act all weekend long?
pairing. remus lupin x fem!reader
taglist status. open!! comment on the miniseries masterlist to be added!
notes. not beta read at all
James somehow outdoes Sirius in terms of borderline violating the statue of secrecy.
Backtracking, their evening actually plays out pretty ordinaryly considering their chaotic midday adventures. There’s no need to fuss over Cerise’s demand for beer since Remus’ mother has got them covered. Mrs. Lupin isn’t exactly aware they’re nicking a keg of beer, but what she doesn’t know can’t hurt her.
For a while, they play outside, as childish as it sounds, but there’s no better word fitted to describe four boys frolicking in the meadow that surrounds the neighborhood. Mrs. Lupin has a meal prepared for them by the time they return to his home in the evening.
Once she’s out of earshot, James leans over and asks in a hushed voice, “How’re we going about with pinching an entire keg of beer?”
None of them particularly feels good about stealing from Remus’ mother. Strangely, Remus is the least bothered about it, putting the others even more on edge about the entire thing. They had plenty of experience sneaking and scheming in Hogwarts, but something about plotting against his mum gives them a guilty conscience before they’ve even begun.
Remus nonchalantly dusts the toast crumbs from his hands. “She’ll be asleep by the time we leave. Her shop’s in the town, I’ve got the spare key,” he explains as he licks his fingers, like it’s another one of their standard pranks and not robbing his own blood.
It’s still fairly early into the night, just a little past 6:30. The others were under the impression they’d have started heading to the party by now.
“By the time your mum’s asleep, the party’ll have ended,” Sirius complains with a pout.
“Nah,” Remus shakes his head, unfazed. “It’ll still be too early by then.”
James squints at him. “Is this your ploy to make us miss the party entirely?
“Trust me,” Remus replies. “If we leave now, we’ll be ridiculously early. Cerise’s parties don’t usually start until midnight.”
“Starts at midnight?” Peter repeats incredulously.
They have no choice but to trust Remus’ words. It’s either that or come off as goody-goody to the muggles, which they explicitly wish to avoid. They have a reputation to upkeep both in and outside of Hogwarts.
To pass time, they watched trashy muggle horror films in Remus’ sitting room.
After the fourth dreadful film, Remus crept into his parent’s bedroom to confirm they were finally out like a light. Returning to the sitting room, the other three were nearly in the same shape as his parents, sprawled across the sofa and draping limbs over each other. They are terribly drowsy from staying up this late.
Remus wants to let them fall asleep and forget all about the party. He turns off the television and starts cleaning up, leaving them be.
But James almost has a sense for these sorts of things. He suddenly jumps awake with a flinch. He adjusts his glasses and mumbles, “The party…”
In seconds, James has forced Sirius and Peter awake. As exhausted as they are, the three are brimming with excitement to experience a muggle party. Remus has repeatedly told them it’s no different from the parties Gryffindor throws, but they don’t budge.
As they step out the front door, it’s impossible to not notice the group of teenagers crowding in your driveway. Remus, James, Sirius, and Peter watch as they squeeze into your truck. It was already a tight fit with only James, Remus, and Peter in the backseats, Remus doesn’t want to imagine how suffocating it is with seven more of them crammed in.
You're pushing your full body weight against the car door, trying to squeeze it close despite the limbs spilling out.
“Hiya, Remus,” You grunt out, still sounding as cheerful as you did hours ago. You nod to the others, “James… Peter, and don’t tell me… Sevirus Black!”
“Sevirus…” Sirius silently mouths to himself, dumbfounded.
James claps his hands over Sirius' shoulders and lightly shakes him. “Sevirus Black!” He roars. “That’s brilliant!”
You finally manage to close the car door. You rake a hand through your hair and exhale exhaustively. “Offer still stands, by the way.”
They skeptically eye at how packed your car already seems. It’s only then Remus spots the boy filling the front seat next to the driver’s. He certainly isn't one of the muggles who attends the local school. Who is that? Remus squints at the boy, who’s clearly enjoying not being in the cramped rear seats. The girls in the rear seats playfully tug at his curly blonde locks.
You glance back, following their collective gaze. “Ah, I saved you some spots in the tray, just in case you’ve changed your mind ‘bout walking. No one’s mental enough to hike up Crestley Hill. Not even you, Remus.”
“What’s Crestley Hill?” James asks.
Remus can’t be bothered to answer him— Who is in your front seat?
You take the liberty to satisfy James’ curiosity. You point to one of the mountains in the distance. A massive mansion sits at the peak of it, bigger than Potter Manor or Grimmauld Place combined. “That’s Cerise Crestley’s house.”
“You did not tell us we’re walking up there!” Peter snaps at Remus indignantly, his stubby legs trembling at the thought.
Okay, so maybe Remus had purposely neglected to mention that Cerise’s house lies on the highest point of his town. He had hoped they’d be too exhausted to climb up the mountain and settle for abandoning the party.
But then he forgot you can literally be hell on wheels. You and that blasted battered truck, and the wretched company you let inside it. Because just who does that boy think he is?
James shifts around fidgety as he gazes up at the mountain. “Oh come on, there’s no possible way we could cause trouble in the tray.” Remus is fairly certain James has the faintest idea as to what the tray of a truck actually is.
Reluctantly, Remus has to agree that James has a point. Riding in the tray would keep them divided from the other muggles. They’d have to be incredibly thick to accidentally reveal magic from back there. It also helps that he might find out who the boy in the front seat is.
Remus felt he was caught in a time loop. Once again, he was giving in to his friends’ demands, aided by your sneaky nature.
They briefly stop by Remus’ mother’s brewery. Sirius has learned his lesson to keep his mouth shut about it. They climb out of the truck and follow Remus inside.
With a lazy flick of his wand, Remus transfigures a single beer bottle into a wooden barrel of beer and sets the copy in place of the one they’re taking. He then casts a weightless charm on the real one and slings it over his shoulder.
“Lucky we’re all of age,” he says. “I used to have to adjust the inventory to account for the missing keg of beer. ‘Was bloody heavy, too.”
“You’ve done this before? James raises his eyebrows at him in a mixture of surprise and admiration.
Remus pauses, glancing away and tilting his head stiffly. “Yeah. Once—or twice.” Maybe a couple dozen times.
You and you alone have always been invited to parties, not the scrawny neighbor across the street you insisted had to come. He had to earn his keep somehow.
“You never fail to surprise us, Moony,” James swoons.
The drive up Crestley Mountain is downright terrifying. It’s intensified by the fact the four are literally raw dogging it in the truck tray, clinging on for dear life. They’re missing the dreaded seatbelt mechanism as the car lurches around the sharp bends, dangerously skirting the edge of the mountain road.
Peter is entirely too concerned about the keg of beer than his own safety, holding onto it like a lifeline.
Remus resents how unpredictable the road is. He hasn’t gotten a decent look at you and that boy since the ascent up the mountain.
The vicious ride fuels James' adrenaline, he’s grinning madly and cackles at every sudden lurch.
Sirius mirrors him for a bit, until he lets out an earsplitting shriek. He screams so loud it overpowers the music you’ve been blasting from the car radio. You slow the vehicle to a stop and lower the music down to a soft hum. Sticking your head out the cranked down window, you shout out, “Alright back there? I haven’t been driving that recklessly, have I?”
Even the muggles use the little space they have to spare to turn around. They peer at the four through the rear window, wondering what could’ve possibly caused his blood curdling scream.
Sirius’ pale shaky hand raises and he points to the earthy mountainside. “What. Is. That?!” He gasps out.
You and the muggles follow his finger, but can’t quite see where his fear is placed.
“…Er, a mountain goat?” You offer with a quirked eyebrow.
“Oh for Merlin’s sake, calm down, Padfoot,” James forces out a laugh, trying to diffuse the tension. “I practically am one of those once a month.”
Everyone, and Remus means everyone, stares at James.
Remus throws an arm over James’ shoulder, ensuring the grip will shut him up. “This bloody party animal!” He says through a clenched smile. Remus’ other hand rakes through James’ hair, it's meant to look playful but his knuckles are ghostly white.
James tries his best to keep up the boyish roughhousing act in front of the muggles despite how he squirms and claws at Remus’ grip. “You know how wild I can get!” James groans out through a strained grin.
“These city boys…” you tut as you duck your head back into the car. The music is quickly turned back up and louder than it was before. It drowns out whatever the muggles are saying, so much so that they can’t even hear each other. Remus sees them shouting, trying to raise their voices over the blaring music but their efforts go in vain.
Remus releases James with a rough jerk.
“You guys are not allowed to get drunk,” Remus pointedly says.
James smooths down his hair (which does nothing) and massages his neck. “Muggle liquor has got nothing on us wizards.”
Without a word, Remus holds out his hand. The other three understand and reluctantly turn over their wands. Remus wants to trust them, truly, but he much rather doesn’t want to risk exposing magic to muggles.
Remus believes he made a good call by confiscating their wands.
Three minutes in the party and they were all scattered. Remus spots Peter in the pool, fully clothed while lazily drifting on an inflatable tube. Sirius is across the yard, shamelessly flirting with some girls. Of course James is by his side, playing as Sirius’s wingman and trying to avoid coming off as an eligible bachelor.
Remus knows you’d be away from the swimming pool, the mess of bodies, and spilling drinks. Instead he knows to find you somewhere the music fades to a soft hum, but where there’s still a perfect view to watch people make a drunken fool of themselves.
There’s no better place for that than the roof.
You’re already there when Remus looks up. You are sitting comfortably on a flat bit of the roof with your cream soda, legs stretching out as you watch how daft people get after a couple drinks. They’ll all forget about this in the morning, but you make it a point to remember.
Remus pulls himself up there with a soft grunt as he swings his lanky legs over. He lands beside you with a quiet thud.
“Don’t tell me you’re too good for my mam’s beer now,” Remus says as he gestures to your pop. He brushes the grim off his trousers and a half-empty beer bottle dangles from his other hand.
You don’t have to look to know it’s him, but glance over anyways, a small smile tugging at your lips. Remus sinks down next to you, not too close, but close enough that your legs are brushing.
You shake your head and raise your can of pop. “I carry the burden of a designated driver.”
He glances at your cream soda with a crooked smile, unable to meet your eyes. “Giving lots of people rides then?”
You exasperatedly laugh. “Oh, just ask me who he is already.”
“What d’you mean?” Remus asks, feigning innocence. Innocence has never looked good on him and you both know it.
You nod towards the party down below. The curly headed blond from your car is chatting it up with several girls, some of whom you drove here.
“Gabriel Delacour,” you say. “He’s my mum’s friend’s son. Gabe’s got an apprenticeship set up in Cardiff. My mum’s letting him crash at our’s until he finds himself a flat.”
“Gabe,” Remus repeats. It comes out more sour than he intended. He can’t understand how the name can roll off your tongue so easily.
You toss Remus an amused look. “He went to my school, alright? Only a year above us.”
“Oh, so he’s a prat then,” Remus quickly declares with self-assured confidence.
You snort. “What brings you to that conclusion, exactly?”
“Everyone from your school is a part,” he shrugs.
“But I’m the exception?” You say, already knowing the answer.
He nods. “But you’re the exception.”
The two of you can cheers to that. He clinks the neck of his bottle of beer against your aluminum can.
“Glad I made the cut…” You say, taking a slow sip from your can. Your eyes are fixed on some point in the distance. “But I don’t think I’d like to be lumped in with your lot.”
“They’re doing better than I expected,” Remus admits with a small shrug. He has to give them credit, their worst slip ups have just been odd phrases that people can chalk up to eccentric Englandness.
Your eyes suddenly widen. You sit up straighter and place a cautionary hand on his arm as your other shoots out to point. “No — Remus, look.”
Remus follows your line of sight.
Down on the lawn, James is writhing. He’s yelping dramatically and yanks his clothes off until he’s down to a shirt and underwear. “They’re biting me, they’re biting me!” He shrieks. James helplessly tugs at his shirt which almost seems to be clinging on to him.
Remus shoots to his feet and is damn near ready to leap off the roof. You help him collect the sense to safely climb down and regroup with Sirius and Peter.
“I think he’s jinxed his clothes to bite him,” Peter blurts out, wide eyed.
“How?! I took your bloody wands!” Remus exclaims. He’s so worried over James that he doesn’t care about mentioning magic.
“Beats me,” Sirius unhelpfully adds, biting back an entertained smile. He wipes the grin off his face after meeting the worrisome eyes of Remus and Peter. He cranes his neck and explains. “James wanted to charm the drinks of some handsy girls to spill on themselves. Being drunk and wandless probably didn’t help. No wonder it backfired, or maybe it was Lily’s spirit damning him for getting in that situation in the first place.”
Remus and Sirius each slings one of James’ arms around their shoulders, together they haul James to his feet. Remus winces, feeling James’ shirt take little nips at him while they drag him away. Peter scurries around behind them, trying to find all the clothing James tossed aside.
“I want whatever he’s on,” someone slurs in Welsh as the four boys stumble away from the crowd.
