i hoard wips like a dragon

Aru 🌸 ‘97 🌸 she/her 🌸 ace sapphic 🌸 autistic 🌸 ANTIS, TERFS AND EXCLUS DNI

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

[the-little-armored-one]

[donniehaspronouns]

this might piss some people off but I don’t think some of you actually ever tried to unlearn your hatefulness. you just came out as queer and decided your new targets really truly deserve it this time.

[donniehaspronouns]

you. you get it.

[largishcat]

*at a family gathering* you’re all like coworkers to me

[justsomeguycore]

horror movie showing a child’s drawing of the monster or ghost or whatever but instead of a little kid and crayons they’re like a preteen and it’s manga style

[vee-dmsr]

[xaveria]

noticed my coworker was on tumblr so i told them “i like your shoelaces” and they said “never say that out loud to me”

[xaveria]

this is the correct response btw

[valtsv]

in fucking Tears thinking about how disgusting a baby griffin would look

[valtsv]

behold. my ugly son.

[felix-the-creature]

Species accurate version

[grubbzygo0p]

wretched little creature

[sroloc--elbisivni]

i love!!! food!!! i love being alive and getting to eat delicious things!!! i love sourdough bread and sharp cheddar cheese and blackberry jam. i love custard buns so hot they almost burn your mouth and soup dumplings with sesame seeds toasted on. i love tea with milk and honey and tiny chewy matcha mochis, and i love salty pistachios right out of the shell. i love smoked fish and cured meat and the infinite variety of Stuff To Put On Rice. i LOVE food and love that i get to eat it. eating multiple times a day every single day forever, however, is a sadistic trap.

[leonkennedysprostate]

let's cook with mama!

[leonkennedysprostate]

let's sell our product with mama!

[leonkennedysprostate]

let's kill this fucking guy with mama!

[trans-girl-nausicaa]

generally speaking, the cooler and better your offline political activities are, the more important it becomes that you do not post about it on your personal social media acconts

[natalieironside]

My boyfriend was showing me his cat and I leaned over to kiss the cat on his soft little baby head and he went "meow" and scrambled away because I'd been wearing my headphones and I accidentally jabbed him with the microphone.

And I said "Damn, this is exactly like in the Iliad"

[rebels-cairn]

#explanation: this references the scene where Hektor the prince of troy goes to his wife after a battle and leans in to kiss his son #(who is still a baby and being held in andromache's arms) #but his son cringes away in fear of his father's battle helmet #it's a gut wrenching scene about how war dehumanizes you and separates you from the people you love #this interpretation implies that being a gamer is analogous

[huffy-the-bicycle-slayer]

Absolutely bonkers that I'm now one of those weirdos you hear about on Twitter

[huffy-the-bicycle-slayer]

I committed to the bit so hard that I also committed misdemeanor impersonation of a government official

[throathole]

Women with big curly red hair always have like 12 gay guy friends why is that

[throathole]

INCREDIBLE response

[starstruckodysseys]

if you pitched goncharov vs the dangerous crow boy (who destroys plastic) alongside one another to an outside person and asked them to choose which one was a tumblr fever dream and which one was a real thing published in the real world. i do not think they would choose correctly

[arctic-hands]

When I was a teenager and still on Neopets I was part of a pretty big Star Trek guild and eventually became part of its council, with the solemn duty of creating weekly polls. Well one day I created the poll "Which would win in a fight? Borg Cube or Death Star?". Naturally, since this was a Star Trek guild, the answer was overwhelmingly "Borg Cube", but someone did have the rationality to point out we were biased.

So I look up a pretty prominent Star Wars guild and message one of their council and ask them to poll the same question and get back to me in a week. They do, and naturally the fuckin geeks said "Death Star".

So then I look up a Stargate guild and messaged the lead council member, saying the same thing, and they get back to me almost immediately saying that the Death Star would immediately one-shot a Borg Cube but they would never be able to do it again to another Cube. And I took that wisdom back to my guild and we were mollified, and for one moment the Nerd World was peaceful.

[evilsoup]

[gilliagandy]

Truly thrilled to finally find this post on my dash.

[syzygynephile]

Me, trying to impress my date with a display of my boundless humility: I would like to order one single, solitary crumb.

Waitress taking my order: Such arrogance! Not only do you presume to boast under the guise of being humble, but your order employs the most decadent of linguistic excesses - the tautology!

My date, who until recently thought "tautology" referred to the study of tensile strengths and upon learning her mistake compensated by reading through its Wikipedia article: That would be more correctly identified as a "pleonasm".

The editor I hired to curate my posts who styles himself as a sort of scheming court advisor: My liege, this one is getting away from us. The punchline loses much of its impact when the rest of the joke is derailed by this increasingly self-indulgent meta humour. Were it up to me, your Grace, which of course it is not, I would cut the others and leave myself as the only supporting character. You need noone else, Your Majesty...

My card: Declines

[inbabylontheywept]

you're not allowed to bring wireless devices into classified areas and a security guy noticed a square phone-ish shape in my pocket so he asked me to show him what it was and i had to show him my can of pocket herring :/

[inbabylontheywept]

artists depiction of event