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[rockwlove]

┃ 𑣲.ᐟ "THE LADY IN MY LIFE"

synopsis: while waiting for your boyfriend to finish a recording session, you unfortunately encounter joe, who implants the idea in your head that you are slowly ruining michael’s career. this causes you to slowly spiral and distance yourself from michael, which he quickly notices.

pairings: thriller era michael jackson x !fem reader

contents: anxious reader, previously established relationship, mentions of joe jackson, anxious habits, angsty, pt 2 coming soon

a/n: i previously published this on my other blog but i took it down because my other blog was more anime focused but i also just wanted to start over yk!! I rewrote some stuff and improved the fic basically but pt 2 will be out soon. I enjoy writing so much. I previously wrote and it kinda felt like a chore but my obsession with michael makes it so easyyy!! comment if you are interested in being included in my taglist!

𑣲

Blood rushed to your face and through your ears as Joe’s harsh words came like a slap. “You’re in the way. Michael’s success rides on one thing; time,.” Ouch. A pause fell over the two of you as his eyes cold scanned over your broken expression. His lip curved into a slight smile before he spat out, “That’s something you selfishly steal from him.” Joe turned on his heels before the lock of the Jackson’s shared family mansion clicked. “If you know what’s best for him... you would let him go.” Joe smiled to himself and walked up the stairs, briefly leaving you alone with your swirling thoughts. Joe and you never freely spoke. Truth be told, you were scared of his intimidating presence ever since your first tense interaction. Michael introduced you to his family after months of sneaking you around the Hayvenhurst estate and calling you a ‘new friend’. Despite the quiet but giggly whispers you two shared, his family immediately knew by the way his eyes sparkled when they meet yours. He couldn’t keep your name out of his mouth for more than ten minutes and more importantly he couldn't keep you off his mind. To majority of his family it was love. They were over the moon to see a new bubbly side of Michael due to your presence. Unfortunately to Joe it was greed. He swore he saw glimmers of greed and lust in your eyes and he claimed that he would be damned if a “money hungry slut” ruined his son’s career. Of course you never heard this because Michael was sure to protect your ears from the sickening comments of his father. What he couldn’t protect you from was the hostile energy his father exuded when he first met you. Joe’s piercing eyes judged you relentlessly which caused you to uncomfortably shift in place. The rest of his family was the kindest it was just Joe that caused your skin to crawl at his presence. To solve this you avoided him to the best of your ability until one day you just couldn’t. Michael told you to come over to Hayvenhurst after he finished recording but due to his session running overtime you arrived early and had to wait awhile. You intended to go greet his mother and hang out in his room until he came home but you had the misfortune of interacting with Joe. His words swirled in your mind before you felt a large warm hand rest on your lower back. “Hey baby, what were you two talking about?” Michael whispered as he placed an innocent kiss on the top of your head. Michael waited for your response as his eyes followed his father’s figure until he disappeared around a corner upstairs. You remained still as your teeth pulled your bottom lip in.

You suddenly became hyper aware of Michaels presence which caused you to clear you throat before voicing with a forced smile, “He was just saying hi.” Michaels hands found yours as he turned you towards him. His soft eyes scanned over your face. Michael was such a caring soul and worrying him was the last thing you’d ever want. To avoid conflict and wasting time dealing with such a small issue, you quickly reassured him. “Just a hi.” Only it wasn’t a small issue at all. The words swirled in your mind that night as you tried to finally rest. “Let him go” “You’re in the way” “Selfish” You unintentionally internalized every single word. You’d already previous suffered with anxiety. The weight of possibly ruining your lovers music dreams crushed you. Joe’s suggestion to leave Michael completely broke you but despite the cruelness of the words you would never do that. Right? You loved your boyfriend too much to even be away from him for as little as a week, but on the other hand you also loved to see him passionately pursuing his dreams. It all felt like a moral dilemma. If you left him then he would be heartbroken but he could actively and successfully thrive more in his career. On the other hand if you stayed with him then you would weigh him down with the responsibilities of a relationship which could hold him back. Your mind wandered before you knew it and you found yourself impulsively self soothing. Your hand would constantly rub over your forearm on late nights like this and your foot would graze over your calf repetitively until you could feel the friction causing a burn to form. These methods were to prevent your mind from running circles around you and to prevent yourself from selfishly venting to Michael.

You didn’t want to give him reason to worry but your behavior made it inevitable. Michael started to worry about you when he realized that you didn’t want to come over anymore. It started with small excuses. “I would love to go but I have a dance class later.” Michael’s lip formed into a thin flat line. “I thought your instructor was on a pregnancy leave.” You could feel Michaels eyes suspiously burning into you. You inhaled deeply as your eyes stared past him. “She recommended her regulars a similar instructor” Michael pouted at this. “Mamas please, It’ll be quick. Swear. Joe just wants us to run through our routine a few times and we’re done. Thirty minutes max.” Your face twisted at the mention of Joe and you felt the pit of anxiety swell in your stomach. You knew your logic didn’t match reality. Joe was a shit talker who did everything on the premises of money. In Joe's eyes Michael’s relationship with you was considered distracting, which allegedly blocked Michaels focus on the group and the profit he was making off his solo album. He believed that instead of lounging around with you, he could've been practicing or promoting his solo album. It was all about the money. You knew his concenrn weren't true but you couldn’t help your overthinking. Realistically Joe couldn’t do anything to you. He couldn’t make Michael break up with you because that wasn’t in his power and he definitely couldn’t change Michaels feelings towards you. He was all talk. Your alleged ‘negative’ influence on Michaels career was non existing but you didn’t know that. The cunning tone in which Joe spoke was so assuring to the point where you would’ve thought that Michael vented to joe about his true feeling towards you. Michael noticed your contorted expression and reluctantly dropped it while simultaneously making a mental note at your unusual behavior. You would’ve usually been jumping at the idea of visiting Hayvenhurst, in fact, you’d usually go over when Michael was busy. You loved to talk to his mom and hang out in his room.

“If you don’t want to go it’s fine. I’ll be back later mk?” His head ducked down as he placed a light kiss on your cheek. These small excuses led up to bolder rejections of quality time. He confirmed that something was truly wrong when you denied hanging out with his family at the studio. Michael had stopped by your place to see you before a studio session. He begged you to come with him because some of his family would be there, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized you hadn’t visited or spent time with his family in a while. He missed you. A few of his brothers decided to accompany Michael to the studio while he recorded for a good time. Michael didn’t tell you it was only his brothers, he only said “some of my families going to be there.”

“I think I’ll pass this time baby,” Michael audibly reacted with an exasperated sigh. “You passed last time and the time before that, my family wants to see you. I’m sure they miss you. I miss you." A nervous laugh fell from your lips. You knew he wasn’t lying. His family loved you dearly and you enjoyed time with them but Joseph’s cruel words clouded your judgment. “Next time, promise! I have to go run some errands and I want to be home early tonight.” The excuses were becoming less elaborate and more obvious. It had been weeks since you rejected Michael’s request to visit his family along side him. If you were being completely honest with yourself you had began to believe Joe. Michael was becoming something huge and in hindsight a relationship was a lot of work. Hypothetically, Michael would come home late from the studio and still have to adhere to the responsibilities of a relationship. The guilt of distracting your boyfriend from his career got so bad that you felt horrible for staying up late in hopes of being able to hear his laugh over the phone or even debrief about your day because you feared exhausting him even further. He held so much on his plate that adding any responsibility felt evil. The excuses turned into small changes in the way you loved. When you noticed Michael becoming short with his staff from stressful days you followed suit and fell back, if you noticed him zoned out and humming to a beat you left him completely uninterrupted in fear of ruining his creative process and you stopped being so clingy in a sense.

This was a huge upset on Michael’s end. As far as he was concerned, being clingy was the best quality a partner could have. It allowed him to be constantly reassured even if it wasn’t verbal. He enjoyed the way your head would rest in his lap as he rhythmically massages new instrumentals of his songs into your scalp or the way you would massage his shoulders when you felt him getting overwhelmed with scheduling compliments. It’s what he loved about you. Unfortunately you on the other hand found it impossible to allow yourself to breathe freely around your boyfriend due to the constant pressure of ruining his career. Your boyfriend noticed this huge change in addition to the rejections of visiting his family. He found it strange that you’d suddenly became so distant in a relationship that you both valued with your lives. It was eating at him. He overthought almost every predicament that came to mind. Were you mad at him? Had he done something to upset you? Were you overwhelmed with his busy schedule? Did something happen that you aren’t comfortable sharing? He couldn’t put his finger on it. One night he decided to ask you in hopes mentioning the growing distance in your relationship he didn't want it to come across as forceful just a slight mention. He’d just finished pre-recording a promotional commercial for his upcoming album and he was drained. The drive to your place felt like a never ending road trip but as soon as arrived he smiled and made his way to your suite despite his eyelids becoming heavier with each step. “Hello?” His voice echoed off the empty halls of your apartment. He made his way inside, without complications of course due to his spare key. Your apartment was quiet and cozy, per usual but today it felt different. You usually had a slowed down vinyl spinning in the background to fill the apartment with some kind of noise or at least a tv playing with the latest news but today, nothing. The sound of a metal spoon repeatedly tapping glass lured Michael into the kitchen where he found you blankly staring into your mug. “Baby?” Your head quickly snapped towards the sound before you placed a fake smile onto your face. “Hey Mich,” You said as you walked over and placed a light kiss on his jaw. His hands found your waist where they rested. Meanwhile his tired gaze scanned the dark kitchen suspiciously. “Why’s it so gloomy and quiet in here? I thought you were off to bed already.” You nervously laughed and shrugged before slipping out of his embrace. You turn around and grab your cup of tea. Your hands kept a steady grip on the cup as your boyfriend watched you cautiously sip the tea. “I was off to bed actually.. long day ahead tomorrow.” Michael’s lip formed into a deep pout. “You’ve been so busy recently. I feel like you’ve had a lot of long days. We need to go on a date and spend time together before my album releases so you won’t miss me too much when I’m swamped in tours.” He leaned back onto the kitchen counter as he joked about the last part but a serious expression formed on your face. Your lips pursed into a thin line before rudely muttering, “You’re already swamped in enough work as is.” As soon as the words left your mouth you regretted it. Not because it wasn’t true but because you could see the hurt settling into his face. Despite your boyfriend’s common calmness and patience that went into communicating with you, he instantly got defensive. “Woah.. I haven’t been swamped in work to the point where I’m neglecting us.” He stated before quickly asking a rhetorical.

“Have I?” His eyes burned into you for an answer but your gaze fell to the kitchen counters. You placed your mug down and your finger nails subconsciously rested in between your teeth. Michael noticed the skin around your nails and how it was chewed raw. Your once healthy nails were now reduced to a jagged worn down mess.

Were you anxious? This was becoming alarming to Michael. You’d never been hesitant to speak your mind or express yourself in the slightest. Michael ran his hand through his hair as confusion set in. “Baby what’s going on? I mean with everything. You’ve been distant.“ He said throwing his hands up.

“You don’t want to come over anymore, I can’t get you to talk to me about the simplest things and now you’re practically saying I’m ignoring yo- Us. Not to mention I can practically sense your anxiety radiating off of you."

You shook your head. “Nothings wrong.. well...I just" You glanced at him while purposely avoiding eye contact. Michael’s brows lifted at this but he stayed quiet, allowing you to finish. “I just feel like.. you’re doing so well in your career.” Michael cut you off before you could even finish. “What does that have to do with anything?” Your heart sped up as your thoughts raced through your mind. Before you could even think you blurted out. “I think we should break up.”

© rockwlove

[mjslovrr]

AHH i’m so excited for part twoooo plz tag me 💗💗💗💗

[mjslovrr]

my mj drawing i did 💗💗

i’m new to digital art hopefully it’s good 💗