if i look back, i am lost
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@mmdasido-blog
Ego #5
I feel undeserving of being loved because of my instability. I know that's not what you meant, that's not what said. But the thought lingers and memory is a sly trickster. It seems selfish of me to burden anyone, to share the weight of my fears.
I thought I was over it. But here I am with my relapse. Please don't leave me alone with my thoughts. I feel this urge to hurt myself, break my bones, cut myself.
Tonight, I offer my sincerest prayers. Tonight, I offer my future - for I no longer know.
1000111111
tired lungs, shallow breath I fancy a pastel death hyperventilate.
Quite unfair that u had a great part in my breaking down but none in my fixing
I want to chat to myself âBasura kaâ
Ego #1
I want to drop the mag to see if itâs loaded I want to cock it just to be sure I want to bite the barrel so that it will go through my head
ButÂ
I want you to pull the trigger.
Ego #2
I want to hug you so bad. I want to have you in my arms again, then feel nothing. I want to realize that the feelings have faded. I want you to become just a pretty face to me. I want... I donât want to love you anymore.
My teeth are screaming for me to bite. They want me to kill
hanging on
I fell for you... with a rope around my neck
I would (not)
I guess itâs classical conditioning - when I see you. Iâm scared. I just feel afraid whenever I see you. Itâs not because I fear you. Itâs because I fear myself - that I would go back to the way I was - that they would come back. Not that I care if they destroy me. I would risk my sanity - my life, even - for you. But my family, the people I would leave behind if I couldnât save myself again, I canât risk.Â
Why do I happen to like girls who happen to like girls
Oh she was perfect for me. We had the same interests. We liked death. We hated Jess. Most of all, We liked girls
Boo fucking who
Iâm a fucking time bomb and no one can diffuse me
You can't make the weight of the things lighter by loading on light things. You have to unload. The weight will only drag your smile down to a frown.
Your heart might be a void, but mine is dead weight.