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@mmethodrone
writing blog
pls follow my blog for my writing!
freefleurfox.tumblr.com
welcome to my niche of personal writings and thoughts.
at one time i could see a desert inside of me the cracks living to hide the flaws that dance with glee
then i realised the way that the full moon fades is the way i grow when i sleep
the caves are where i am at peace my strength is born beneath the trees
i can’t quite describe the volume of emptiness i feel inside of me, except as a vast, endless echo, with a screech of claws. i call it the echo claw. it never ends, never draws my blood til there is nothing left, i hang on, onto the tether never fast enough falling to be last. my speech has no weight, has no body to rest as home. no rest, no space to be left for that dark relief.
tonight i met a young man. he had some eyes that would go wild once every while. he’d then seem to feel found out, and he’d duck his head down, staring at the ground or into some sort of ruminant trance. i pitched him to be pulled out of it, as a side of myself told me to be good, to be a sumaritan. i wanted to be good.
he shook his head, shook it like he was trying to empty it. ignoring me, went and sat on a step of a shop front. ate a pastry i forced him in silence and alone, silent in the shame you only bear to be with when no one’s eyes are following you. shame that grapples your mind and clenches its knuckles around the skull until you’re dizzy.
he wouldn’t even tell me his name! only asked for a place to sleep.
i wasn’t that good.
reminiscing my short time of living in this strange strange house ........
seeing bloody red.
my heart
sup tumblr
sup
SUP
music for YOU
https://jacbeth.bandcamp.com/
just uploaded "Landscapes" recently, a collection of songs i wrote nearly all of in the month of december 2014. please feel free to download / even buy at a price you choose (i'm pretty poor and working at a supermarket like twice a week ha so cheers for that if you find yourself making a donation towards future music-ing). also if you do indeed enjoy, it's great to share (be it online or otherwise). <3
anyway tho- no matter what, ~*number 1 goal*~ when i share these things is for people to hear and enjoy
love and blessings
<3 jac
watching Earthlings for the first time since i first watched it years ago, completely reaffirming my belief of the importance of compassion, love and appreciation for all life among all entities and forms. it is also reaffirming my belief that speciesism will be the attitude which will lead to our world's ultimate undoing. it is so easy for so many of us to not care, or accept our societies conventions as just the way it's done, or to simply condition ourselves with purposeful unawareness and denial. it is so freaking easy, to think if we changed nothing within to without, that it wouldn't make any difference. or perhaps we are just so comfortable in our habits and stubbornly uphold them, other ideas/viewpoints not something we deign to hear. what difference would it be for just me to change? we are but one, no? well, it is all heresay when merely debate. i know one thing within me though, i would rather be able to say "well, i really really really tried, to lead a life that is kind to the earth and its beings." than "yeah i agreed, and i knew i should've taken it on board, but i didn't get round to it", or just complete seperation from the minds and emotions that connect us all. "oh, but throat slitting is actually the most painless way to kill an animal". how the hell would you like it if you were hung upside down, had your throat slitted, blood draining out onto the floor, only to then have your esophagus ripped out of your throat? WE ALL FEEL. FEELING IS NOT EXCLUSIVE TO HUMANS. WE ALL. FEEL. and yet acts animals are subjected to every day would send you to prison if carried out on a human. we are in our own prison. a prison of apathy, disengagement, inhumanity. disconnection to what we are really doing. no wonder bad things keep happening to us. what goes around comes around. and reaaaally, it's only coming back lightly.
pretty cool to see beautiful formation flocks flying above endless waterfowl ! #sacramento #california #ca #sacramentovalley #sacramentonationalwildliferefuge #birds #ducks #geese #swans #nature #fauna
"Eve" written by Lyndsay Harper performed by Jac Beth & Lyndsay Harper
in the span of the last couple hours or so i have experienced a mercilessly vast, emotional plateau, and a reflexively self defending force inside of me pushing against it, refusing to buckle entirely. then, a sense of weary muscle, fatigued resistence, and subsequent confusion in emotion. it began as i found myself spontaneously overcome with a seemingly endless vortex, one of anger and resistance to this abstract but very real oppression felt consistently day to day. i wrote some sentences down in an attempt to purge this toxicity. strong sentences, eloquent and more importantly, real. ones of a certain buried feeling, in the form of a constant internal whispering, a vampirish chatter. stuttering echoes of my own voice, apologizing to society for my offensive being. "i’m sorry i’m not traditionally feminine enough for you! not delicately fragile enough for you! not softly soprano pitched for you! not self doubting and passive for you! not a subserviantly oppressed, silenced member of this decidedly inferior sector of society for you! not dumb deaf and blind enough for you, nor indifferent to your self appointed dominance over me! not sufficiently grateful for your authoritative "guidance"! not oblivious to your gross patronization of my mind, not weakened by your alien power, hour by hour, enough for you!" a little while after these dysfunctions of mine, malfunctions of the conditioned mind, i came to a conclusion i think we all cyclically lead ourselves to, which is to breathe. then exhale. then breathe again. these attitudes cannot be changed or erased in a day, nor our own thoughts to begin with. but i believe our active consciousness is one of our strongest weapons, and everyone has a right to and should vocalise theirs, if they are coming from a true place of care for the preservation and progression of our equal self love and love for one another. we must identify and note our thought and behavioural patterns if we want to progress as individuals and collectively, as an earth community. question the common conventions, morals, ideals and priorities active around you, how they level and operate. do they resonate with you? put yourself in another's body and ask yourself again, do they resonate? ask, do they accommodate to my mental and spiritual frequencies? do they acknowledge my complex, sensitive, and entirely unique being? or do these external projections cause my balance to strike out, to spike erratically with feelings of paranoia, perhaps inferiority, segregation, or anxiety? are these projections such projections i am expected to adhere to and follow in uniform procession? if so, were these projections made with a care factor for who i am as an individual and my own path? do they allow me to succeed and reach my personal aspirations, or do they only allow me a slim chance to succeed with the limitations and pressure of total conformity, identity fatality. in other words, do these projections, with their superficial appearances of success, foster my potential and what it is to realize and reach it? these are musings, as we are all affected differently one way or another by the environment we inhabit. my point to this is that the more of us whom are increasingly aware of these patterns being forced upon, the more apparent it will be among more of us that they are forced out of no nurturing intention, but salivating desire for power, control and let's not forget, the many forms of reward there is to be reaped from our weakness, resignation and fear. be strong, be smart, and be aware. no promise hiding a lie or product you buy currently being put forward for us to try under the guidelines of our society's current conventions, will elevate you to any sense of affirmation or assurance. no state of contentment or peace. why would it? working you for all you've got, feeding your belly bloated, dumbing your mind down to oblivion, until you're so disorientated that when you finally come face to face with your own discontentment, you'll sure as hell spend your hard earned money without a moment's thought, on the same old empty promises in transparent clothes. another weight loss food substitute that will evaporate 10 kilos right off of you, without you lifting a finger, bar to reach for another cheezel. all the various "health bars" that judging by the advertisement, inducts you into the Bona Fide Real Man Club, and into the wonderland of biceps and blondes upon purchase. various "asset" enhancing underwear available for both genders, profiting upon people's insecurities, convinced this saviour product is a necessity to appear desirable. breeding adults of fully fledged exhibitionist status, our heads high with ego, never with soul. styles of clothing to facilitate the presence of your very common eating disorder and your ability to feign that admirable confidence when you head out for a night of drinking, smoking, feather ruffling and chest puffing. unethically produced cosmetics filled with chemicals, damaging and aging to your naturally beautiful skin. miracle anti-aging creams that are about as anti-aging as a healthy smoking habit. various virtual realities, games, escapist routes, perhaps distracting you from your true purpose and aspirations. all the magazines to read, programs to watch, music to listen to, all about the same thing. all based off of the same soulfully and spiritually bereft morals. all with the same joke, and the same punchline. and it's on you. you've read it now, you've given it power. it has infiltrated your thoughts, and now that it has it's twice as likely now that it will again. be above it. you are more. so much more. you are beautiful. you are divine. you are independent. live by your own values, live by your own decisions! surround yourself with those who inspire you and whom you inspire. who want nothing from you but to know you. who have our livelihood's best interests at heart. who ache for humankind to progress to a higher ground of understanding and peaceful coexistence. those who's love does not discriminate with conditions, those who's empathy has a pulse of its own, those who's soul is not proud nor conceited, and those who's spirit transcends these very struggles. peace and power jacqueline