𝕁𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕟𝕒𝕝

Knowledge is power On a journey of exploring the true extend of my potential.

[jiungweb]

나만의 때깔 all my clothes

[mojoandmagic]

I've been thinking a lot about the idea of exploring what my potential really is. I don't just mean in terms of achievements, but also in the sense of discovering as much as possible of what I'm naturally drawn to or even good at.

I have been struggling for motivation for a long time due to my ADHD. I have decided it's time to get excited about trying again and seeing an intentional use of time as a worthwhile journey towards becoming more comfortable in my own skin.

I've been complacent for a while simply because I'm genuinely fine with who I am. However I also miss having genuine drive. I realised that, actually, I do care about meeting the most actualised version of myself. It would be a shame to pass up the experience of being my most aligned, authentic, self possessed, proud self. Yes, I am fine as I am, but actually if I'm honest with myself, being myself could be far more enjoyable than it already is. It's would be a shame not to even bother putting in the effort to see what expressing as much of my potential as I'm capable of expressing would feel like. You only live once, so if I have the resources available to me, I may as well make the effort to make it brilliant rather than simply good enough. Even if I find my potential is not as high as I thought, the fact that I had the strength to discover that for certain is a comfort in itself.

[beneath-the-tutti-frutti-hat]

¡viva el pan!

[biscuitdolly]

channels for mental , physical , and spiritual improvement ♡

히니HEENY - makeup tuts , clothing hauls , vlogs

짜잔씨 misstada - vlogs , makeup tuts

A Coreana Beauty 소연뷰티 - glow up tips , skincare , routines

Alex Bondoc - productive vlogs , self care

bossgirlified - skincare , self improvment , glow up tips

electrasoul - spirituality , self love

Free Tea - law of assumption , manifesting , self concept

Garima Verma - productive vlogs , self care

Hinafit - workouts , pilates , dieting tips

Hitomi Mochizuki - self worth , spirituality , life tips

hyler - manifestation , self concept

Iyzah♡ - self love , self care

jaila abriana - vlogs , self improvment

Janika Bates - hygeine help , routines , vlogs

justina mendez - sexual help

lay luv  - makeup , vlogs

mei monte - wonyoungism , glow up tips

mira daisy - pink pilates princess , vlogs

Olivia Yang - pink pilates princess , self care

Persephonesmind - self love , confidence , life tips

SHOW NEMOTO - self concept , self improvment

Teaira Walker - vlogs , beauty , skincare

Thewizardliz (obv) - self improvment , self love , confidence

Vickita Trivedi - life tips , feminity

WokeupCupid - spirituallity , self concept

[tanuki-kimono]

Warm autumnal tones for this antique outfit, showing a comforting kimono with jewel-colored birds (see close-up below) perched in a fruitful tree. It's paired with a matching black-based obi with delicate feathers.

The birds somehow remind me of red-flanked bluetail but they do not exactly match (if you recognize them drop me a note ^^):

[moonshadow-study]

✨📖✨

[mojoandmagic]

I wanted to write about something which has been on my mind recently. Even though I don't get a lot of engagement on this blog recently I would be interested to hear if anyone relates to this. I have been thinking about how a lot of what I was taught was "kind" or "morally correct" is not only beneficial for others, but also actively harmful to myself and my own self esteem and self respect.

As an adult, it is painfully clear to me how awfully convenient it is for others around me if they can teach me to believe that there is something praiseworthy or rewarding about always admitting or believing that I am wrong.

For example, for most of my life I believed that if other people acted in a way which violated my norms or was disrespectful to me or just struck me as generally strange, then to be a good person, I needed to immediately search for a way to validate their behaviour, even if only inside my own mind. This meant also invalidating my own initial negative judgement and finding a way to convince myself that I was wrong and the other person's behaviour must obviously be the correct way of doing things. I would never dare be so arrogant or self centred to presume my own judgement could ever come close to being correct or justifiable!

This meant that there are many situations where I was left feeling lesser-than and let people overstep boundaries because I felt it necessary to gaslight myself out of my perception of a situation because it the reality I was percieving wasn't good. I genuinely believed that if I percieved a situation negatively then that meant I was just a bad person, as opposed to the situation genuinely being negative independent of my judgement. It took me so long to realise that sometimes (or often) people's behaviour genuinely is just bad or strange and percieving as such isn't a reflection on my own morality.

In fact, being able to recognise other people's poor behaviour is crucial in protecting your own health and self respect. I am astounded by how many instances of subtle disrespect I let slide out of a sense that I was doing something kind. Letting people treat me without respect made me feel morally superior in a sense because I was being kind by not making a fuss.

There are so many times where simply allowing myself to feel justified in thinking "huh, that was really weird" about anothe person's behaviour would have saved my sanity and revolutionised my self esteem. No wonder I felt so unsure of myself when I was forcing so many mental contradictions and ignoring my true judgements in the name of kindness and humility.

It is also sad to me how I made myself ignore or dismiss instances where people's strange behaviour was due to my own positive traits out of a deeply ingrained sense of modesty and humility. For example, if someone was avoiding me due to the shyness of finding me attractive, I'd feel the need to tell myself to not be so self absorbed and that it must be because they don't like me even if I knew the truth. I would still manage to convince myself of the more humble yet negative narrative so as not to be concieted even in the privacy of my own mind.

This has even influenced my actions in the past when I noticed I was being followed home, and I immediately felt ashamed of my own egotism at the thought that someone would follow me home. Nontheless, surprise surprise he came up to me and told me he had followed me home. If I had listened to my intuition without shaming myself in the name of modesty, I could have gotten away somewhere safer more quickly.

I am so glad to have finally realised how closely related my ideas about kindness and humility are to my self confidence and self worth.

It got to the point where all the work I was doing to improve my confidence was actually getting me down because I was interpreting people being intimidated by me and admiring me as them thinking I was lame or boring because this was more morally comfortable to me than accepting that I had simply become intimidating due to working on my academics, confidence and appearance.

Recently I honoured my honest judgement of a situation without shaming myself in the name of kindness or humility and mentioned to my friends my frustration with someone's disrespect towards me and how I was far out of his league. I have also become more comfortable implying my own high opinion of my positivie traits in conversations. It turns out, those who like and support and feel secure in themselves will not tear me down for having an accurate perception of my environment and my own positive traits and will actually be attracted to friends who share their confidence and self assurance. Nowadays, I also find I am drawn to make friends with people who are in touch with their own positive traits and don't feel the need to hide them out of modesty.

With this little shift I have felt my confidence and self esteem improve miraculously. Now I am able to trust and respect my judgement without shame I feel so grounded in dealing with others. The only down side is that suddenly, I have started to experience slightly more conflict with certain people who are accustomed to the old me who would be so eager to search for why I was in the wrong and why the other person was right, and to let casual disrespect slide out of so-called kindness. Now I am kind to myself as well as other people.

[mojoandmagic]

I found that starting off my laptop work by planning on paper helps a lot

[bunneis-archive]

Paper Mario 64 - Star Haven (Original N64 Version)

[mojoandmagic]

Feeling really dodge today but I'm going to push through. Got to stick to plan and not be at the beck and call of my moods.

Realised recently that the vast majority of my friends are neurodivergent. I am learning to accept myself and appreciate the good things that come with that and make sure I am accommodating for myself, whilst also making sure I'm not using my ADHD as an excuse.

[juliaxyn]

Once you learn something, make sure you stay up to date.

[mojoandmagic]

Morning

☕woke up 5-6am 9am

☕drank water

☕put on fairy lights/ lit candle

☕showered

☕stretched

☕nerve floss

☕ate breakfast

☕took dinner out of freezer

☕skin care (toner and SPF)

☕meditated

☕got ready by 8:30- 10am

Development

📔Dutch quiz

📔kanji study 15 min

📔watched a Japanese grammar video

📔watched a German writing video

📔did German grammar exercises

📔used Memrise for any language

Healthy Mind

🪐did something I didn't want to do (eg starting an assignment when overwhelmed or anxious)

🪐only used Pinterest from 5pm-9:30pm for 45min max

🪐Only browsed YouTube between 5pm-9:30pm

🪐only used Tumblr to post and search for less than 45min a day

🪐only use Instagram to check messages and stories once a day for 5 min between 12 and 5pm

🪐improved at banjo

🪐only listened to foreign language podcasts or nothing

🪐walked without headphones in

🪐planned tomorrow on Google Calendar

🪐engaged fully when talking

Evening

🌌plugged in phone by 7pm

🌌read/ journaled

🌌put on sleep noise on laptop

🌌evening skincare (toner and Nivea cream)

🌌stretched (upper back, legs, hips, shoulders, Achilles tendon, neck)

🌌slept from 9:30-22:30pm

Bonus

⭐went swimming

⭐went jogging

⭐followed a workout video

⭐took a cold shower

[mojoandmagic]

5/03/2024

Morning

☕woke up 5-6am

☕drank water

☕put on fairy lights/ lit candle

☕stretched

☕nerve floss

☕ate breakfast

☕took dinner out of freezer

☕skin care (toner and SPF)

☕meditated

☕got ready by 8:30

Development

📔Dutch quiz

📔kanji study 15 min

📔watched a Japanese grammar video

📔watched a German writing video

📔did German grammar exercises

📔used Memrise for any language

Healthy Mind

🪐did something I didn't want to do (eg starting an assignment when overwhelmed or anxious)

🪐only used Pinterest from 5pm-9:30pm for 45min max

🪐only used Tumblr to post and search for less than 45min a day

🪐only use Instagram to check messages and stories once a day for 10 min between 12 and 5pm

🪐improved at banjo

🪐only listened to foreign language podcasts

🪐walked without headphones in

🪐engaged fully when talking

🪐planned tomorrow

Evening

🌌plugged in phone by 7pm

🌌read/ journaled

🌌put on sleep noise on laptop

🌌evening skincare (toner and Nivea cream)

🌌stretched (upper back, legs, hips, shoulders, Achilles tendon, neck)

🌌slept from 9:30-22:30pm

Bonus

⭐went swimming

⭐went jogging

⭐followed a workout video

⭐took a cold shower

I went to a jazz bar in the evening so didn't have a good evening routine. I wanted to do more work but I was super tired and napped instead. Nontheless it was a good day.

[lucidloving]

@roach-works // Melissa Broder, "Problem Area" // Mary Oliver, "The Return" // @annavonsyfert // Koyoharu Gotouge, Demon Slayer // Haruki Murakami, Dance Dance Dance // David Levithan, How They Met and Other Stories // Tennessee Williams, Notebooks

[mojoandmagic]

[junior-stargazer-goke91-deactiv]

Porco Rosso (1992)

Director: Hayao Miyazaki

Cinematographer: Atsushi Okui

[sailorrjupiterr]

Porco rosso - studio ghibli.