live long & prosper

navigate

[mollyzaleski]

Hi if you still rp then hmu http://summercohens.tumblr.com/

[mollyzaleski]

Decker The Halls - Mott

The soft hum of Matt’s voice accompanied the jingle of Christmas songs that filled Molly’s ears nearly the entire trip over to the Decker’s house until she simply couldn’t take it anymore. A low groan followed the silence after she so brazenly pressed the circular power button to cut the tunes. “Oh come on, we’re almost here. I need to prep myself.” The brunette glanced over at the neon numbers on the dash and as if her eyes could get any wider, they did. “Plus, we’re late so I have to think of a better excuse than cold feet!” Her fingers quickly moved to unbuckle the seatbelt so she could rest her chin comfortingly on her knees while she thought. “Okay here’s what I have so far – we could say the dog ran away and we had to find him or that you forgot the way!” Her eyes lit up but dimmed as soon as she realized that last one wasn’t going to be very convincing unless her boyfriend stumbled into his childhood home very very drunk. “Aren’t you going to help?” She asked nervously knowing by the little smirk on his face that he was just going to lecture her about how everything was going to be fine like he had been all week.

“This was a very bad idea, Matt. Was I drunk when I agreed to this?” The question was one she found herself asking more often than not as of late and since the answer seemed to be a chuckle more often than not, she assumed it was a yes. Her heels rhythmically clicked against the snow paved path leading up to the front door a bit slower than they normally would but it wasn’t until her boyfriend turned around and scolded her that she actually realized the delay in her pace. “Are you seriously rushing me right now because I could easily refuse this whole thing and get right back in that car and be the asshole that I am during the holidays.” Her empty threat only caused the blue eyed boy to smile which only made her more nervous.

The fact of the matter was that Molly wasn’t exactly a Christmas kind of girl – or anything family related, actually. In fact, she spent most of her Christmas’ as a kid in the studio breaking in the new pair of ballet slippers that she already knew would be under the tree because they were custom fitted. Throughout college she flew out to Greenwich with the Callahans to celebrate with their even more dysfunctional family while her parents vacationed somewhere tropical and sent a souvenir sometime towards the end of January when the post office was no longer busy from the holiday rush. Even thought Matt’s relationship with his family wasn’t perfect she knew that the Deckers celebrated differently than she was used to and ever since she agreed to spend it with her boyfriends family (as long as she didn’t have to invite her parents) Molly couldn’t help but feel a knot in the pit of her stomach. It wasn’t so much that she wouldn’t love his family – because she already did - but more that she wouldn’t know how to handle it.

Before she was able to apologize for snapping, there was a shuffling in the distance and then high pitched squealing that was none other than Matt’s mom who was clearly thrilled and possibly already a little taken by the wine. “Oh my God. Okay, that’s your mom and that house is probably full of people and I may or may not make it out alive but I love you okay.” The words rolled off of her lips in a mumble before Molly shoved the bottle of ribboned wine into Matt’s arms and waved eagerly before stepping ahead of him and hurrying to the front door with that knot only tightening. 

[thingsilearnedfromsatc]

[jedi-mattdecker-blog]

Stay Still || Molly & Matt

Frustration was starting to crawl under his skin, and he was sure it was showing with the way he was carrying himself. Matt didn’t want it to end up like this, it was his last intention but he knew he had to tell Molly about the night between Taryn and him - it slipped her mind when he first told her he wanted to be with her. And he did. Without the secrets. It was the reason he brought up the subject in the first place, telling her to that he needed to talk to her after waiting up (yet again) for her to come back from work. To be honest, he was exhausted because Elysse still wasn’t at a hundred percent, so he was pretty much playing CEO by himself (at least with her, the load wasn’t all on him).

"Look, Molls, just -…" Cutting himself off, he huffed out an aggravated sigh as he shook his head. His brows knit forward as he sat down himself down on the couch. "I know I should’ve told you about Taryn sooner, but I told you at first. And yeah, I know I screwed up because I didn’t tell you again right away when we got together but… Molly, I missed you and I missed us… and this is getting difficult, but there is no way I’m going back to being ‘just friends’ with you, which is why I’m bringing it up. It was one night, we were drunk, it was her birthday. It meant nothing, really, it kinda just…" Biting down on his lip, he averted his eyes from her to stare at the ground. "I realized, waking up the next morning, that it should’ve been you and not her. And I— I’m sorry.

"And I know, I need to stop saying that but…" Blowing out air from his mouth once again, he lulled his head backwards with his eyes closed, refusing to meet her gaze. Because she would give him that hurt look, because… well, honestly, right now, he didn’t know how Molly was going to react to the news. Would that hurt be anger? Would she resent him? Want to break up with him? He could understand that, really, because it was basically him sleeping with her best friend, his ex-fiance, and then realizing that he fucked up, that he was with the wrong person. How can you justify that? He thought with his dick? Because it’s true, but right now… he didn’t want to lose this. He didn’t want to lose her. “Molly, say something, please.”

Her silence was roaring.

[mollyzaleski]

The worst part of it all was that Molly couldn't even find it in her to blame Matt for not telling her about his night with Taryn because technically he had. After hearing his confession for the second time, her mind wandered back to that evening in the empty kitchen of the new house. It felt like so long ago now that they were in this entirely new stage in their friendship - or relationship rather, time was going by quicker now and still Molly felt like she was missing him all of the time. Work was taking a toll on the two of them lately and though part of Molly understood why he waited so long to bring it up again, the other part of her was almost thankful that he did because it felt like a piano just fell from the sky and landed right on top of her and that kind of thing takes some recovering.

Before returning to attention to reality she took a moment longer to try to remember what Matt had told her about his night with Taryn and literally nothing came to mind. It was as if she buried the idea of her boyfriend and her best friend (who just so happened to once be engaged) so far back in her mind that retrieving it now was near to impossible. Taking a small step back the brunette kept her eyes fixated on the hardwood floor because she knew full well that allowing him to see her eyes would somehow give her away entirely. Matt knew her better than anyone else but the way he spoke to her now assured her that even he didn't know what was going through her head. It's not that she didn't want to scream at him, maybe punch his chest a few times before bursting into a fit of tears, it was simply that she couldn't. In order to react to something you had to be able to breathe and in that moment that was the last thing Molly was able to do.

"I think, I.." Licking her lips slowly before taking her bottom one between her teeth, Molly did her best to collect her thoughts enough to speak but her efforts weren't doing much in her favor. She had to be careful because the minute she let herself be angry there was no telling what she'd say. "I don't know, I just think that maybe I need a minute or ten minutes or an, I don't know, an hour." The lump in her throat seemed to grow even more in that moment at the thought of staying mad or not being able to get over this in an hour like she wanted to so badly. "You should have told me, you know?" The brunette sighed and fought herself to keep the tears from spilling over. If there was anything she hated it was that Matt was able to see her this way, he had seen her like this before and walked out on her so maybe it was her turn to walk away. 

[mollyzaleski]

[bluexgroupie-deactivated2022031]

Visit Original Link

[mollyzaleski]

I looked in my rearview mirror and It seemed to make a lot more sense than what I see ahead of us, ahead of us. 

I’m ready to make that turn, before we both crash and burn. Cause that can be the death of us, the death of us, baby. 

You know how to drive in rain and ou decided not to make a change - stuck in the same old lane going the wrong way home. 

I feel like my heart is stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, I’m under pressure cause I can’t have you the way that I want. 

Let’s just go back to the way it was. 

--

Hey, right when I think that we found it, well, that’s when we start turning around. You’re saying baby don’t worry but we’re still going the wrong way, baby. 

You know how to drive in rain

Can we get back to the way it was? They say only fools fall in love but they must’ve been talking about us. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been here before. I could be wrong, but I know I’m right. We’re gonna be lost if we continue to fight. 

Honey I know we can find our way home. 

[jedi-mattdecker-blog]

Molls, I swear...

[mollyzaleski]

Yeah, you know I used to call you Jigglypuff in my head because in Pokemon, Jigglypuff used to sing and it would make people fall asleep and she would get mad so she would marker everyone’s faces. It was kinda cute, you totally remind me of that. Except, you know, you’re much more cute than her, so. I guess you’re the winner in this situation? Whaaat? I knew you were in it for the money! That’s what this is all about, pffft! You don’t actually wanna be with me, you’re just a gold digger. I should’ve known that my ruggedly handsome good looks and charming personality wasn’t enough… Curses!

Uh, my will? Well… I mean I had to make one because my lawyer said I had to, and whatever he says, goes so… But I just named my siblings, really, even though there’s too many of them to count. I never updated it, never thought of doing it? Like, my will is the last thing on my mind… But, I don’t know, I guess I’ll update it to a girlfriend or something, who knows. Oh god, the color is called steel grey, not whitish blueish greyish, ugggh. But yeah, I agree. It makes you look a little muddy… so maaaybe I should put some here, and here, and here. Oh see, the paint on your forehead, nose, and chin makes it look so much better. You look adorable. What? What?! You were an orange fucking oompa loompa? Oh god, why didn’t I know this? You’re short, you were orange… this is priceless. I want pictures - show me pictures!

You do realize that you're not really that good looking, right? Also, you call me that when you're drunk.. Which is like, ummmm, all of the time. I never really questioned it though because I thought it was either Star Wars related or just stupid. Since it's the latter, I'm glad I never asked. Speaking of which, you haven't been drunk in like a week? What's up with that? Good thing there's a six pack in the fridge. I think we should try to keep the fridge stocked here. It can be like one of our new year resolutions - even though it's one of mine every year and never gets accomplished but still. 

Speaking of siblings or whatever, is your mom upset that we weren't able to make it this weekend despite the fact that I told her we'd be there? Or has she accepted that you're always going to disappoint her when it comes to dinner invitations? Did you just - wait what, MUDDY??? Matt! I'm going to kill you and then paint your corpse blue like an avatar! Even though that's way creepy and I really wish I hadn't just said that.. I'm not showing you pictures, nope. That was a very dark time in my life and my mom made sure to keep it boxed up in the basement. That's probably the only thing I ever agreed with her on. Try to cross her to get to that box and you're kissing your life away. 

[rosamundpike]

[jedi-mattdecker-blog]

Molls, I swear...

[mollyzaleski]

I am not a little girl! And yeah, paint did! What if we were using paint that had the lead shit and then you’d be slowly killing me! Ugh, no, that just isn’t my color okay. And hey, living in a Yoda colored house would actually be pretty epic, but I’m not trying to drive you away, so. I am getting those statues though…

Those ones! Right there! Those puppy dog eyes you evil, evil, sonnova… Woah, woah, woah. Excuse me? Well, you know what I think this would be a much better color on your face. That blush you like to use? Doesn’t compare to this lovely color. See? Yup, it totally brings out your eyes.

If that's the case, wouldn't I be slowly killing you with all of the permanent marker I use to draw all over you when I'm bored and you're asleep? I don't think a little paint will speed up the process or anything. Just kidding, it's not like I'm trying to slowly kill you and collect any of your fortune. Am I in your will? Wait, are girlfriends even in one? You uh, you know, or bestfriends like if it hasn't been updated yet. I don't know...

HEY! Whiteish blueish greyish is is so not my color. Unless you're trying to tell me that I need to tan more because I'm too pale? Although that would be the first time anyone has ever said that to me, honestly. Did I ever tell you about the Snooki phase I went through in high school? I was orangey for most of my sophomore year. They had to put white powder on me during shows so I could look like the other girls. 

[jedi-mattdecker-blog]

[mollyzaleski]

Step One: The Pavement was drawn on with chalk. There are adorable drawings that I drew to make it cute because girls like cute.

Step Two: Each flower has a sentence from a little note I wrote while I was in a meeting. There’s a one flower in a vase and it eventually leads up the stairs.

Step Three: After going up the stairs, there’s post it notes on the floor with arrows pointing into the master bedroom.

Step Four: Matt thought of being naked at this point, because the Naked Man works 1/3 times, but he decided against that. Instead, he came up with the promise.

When you put the sentences together from the flower, it reads —

Molly…

There are so many things that I wish I could tell you, but somehow they end up slipping from my mind because I’m usually in awe with everything about you. You’re my best friend first, Molly, and it’s the reason why I want everything to work out between us. I can’t picture myself without you, ever, and I know that sometimes my actions don’t prove that way. I mean well, I do, but I’m an idiot and I do talk without thinking, I act before I can even register what’s happening - I’m impulsive. Even with you, I was impulsive at first, but pulled back because I was scared. I’m not scared anymore.Deciding to be with you may have came out of the blue, but it was not me being impulsive. I’ve put a lot of thought into it and in the end…I want to be able to call you mine.

[jedi-mattdecker-blog]

Molls, I swear...

Don’t bring that paint brush near me, this is a new shirt. No, stop — Ugh, no?! This isn’t fair because then the moment I brush you with paint you give me those puppy dog eyes that make me feel bad and I don’t appreciate you doing that. It’s like, my kryptonite and you know that. Evil! Nope, this isn’t fair, nope, you’re getting paint on you and I don’t care if you give me the puppy dog eyes. Ha!

[mollyzaleski]

Don't be such a little girl! A little paint never hurt anyone. Especially not paint this color. Isn't it great? I'm glad you agreed to let me pick the living room because knowing you we'd be living in a Yoda colored house and I'd have to kill myself. That'd be tragic, wouldn't it?

I don't know which puppy dog eyes you're referring to, by the way. I also don't know when you're going to get over that shirt. It was new like, six months ago? It's not new anymore so that means I can do this. That's a pretty color on you. 

[chrisargents]

[mollyzaleski]

..but it really can't wait until tomorrow. Remember that time you wanted to plan for the zombie apocalypse because you were sure it was going to happen in the morning and I didn't want to but I still did? Well, this is just like that except there's actually a possibility of this happening. 

[jedi-mattdecker-blog]

Really, Molly, really?

[mollyzaleski]

Well then, Molly, just go ahead not talking to me then if that’s what you like. It doesn’t make sense, this doesn’t make sense right now… and yes, we kind of did have this conversation, but I understand where you’re coming from when you brought up Lindley and Lucian. It isn’t fair for them but it doesn’t mean I’m going to completely remove myself from their lives. And I am not invested in caring about everyone else — or even if I am, shouldn’t that be an endearing thing about me, or some shit like that? What? What? You feel like I’m forgetting about us?

Molly, there is nothing more than I think about. I talk about you all the time, sometimes I think people get sick of me telling them all the crap I tell them, but it’s not like I can help it. I think about you all the time and at the end of the day, I’m with you. Do you know what that means? I start my day with you, I end my day with you and while things may be hectic right now, I want you at the end of the day - by my side. Ugh, Molly. Okay, I’m sorry alright? I’m sorry I feel the need to fix everything, but I can’t even fix myself so that I can stop it altogether? I don’t know. I feel like I owe Lindley something, Lua’s ‘boyfriend’ pissed me the fuck off… But that’s a whole other thing. He was an asshole, molly. A big fucking asshole and he deserved that punch, and maybe I am investing too much time, but I’d rather invest time into it and stop something horrible from happening than sitting by and watching as he starts beating her or some shit, I don’t know.

But I get why you’re mad I didn’t notice about Taryn and Dax. I realized Dax’s been a little distant, but he’s like that sometimes? Taryn, well, I figured she’d need some space, you know? I don’t know, Molly. I’m sorry. I don’t know how many times I’ve said I’m sorry, but each and every time I mean it and it’s just… I’m really fucking irritated right now. At myself because obviously I can’t get anything right between us, that’s all I fucking want and this feeling I’m feeling is complete and utter bullshit. It’s annoying and I just want to punch the wall or something because I feel like we’re just constantly arguing and I don’t like that shit.

You think I want to not talk to you?! Do you think this is easy for me, feeling this way? It's not, Matt. I hate when we're like this. It's harder than when you, when you left. That was easier than this. Being angry with you without you being around to make me want to tell you every detail about my day was so much easier than having to see you and want to talk to you and be with you but at the same time feeling like you have a bunch of other things on your mind. I love that you care so much and not once have I ever asked you to cut anyone out of your life, I would never do that! I can't believe you think that that's what I want?? Jesus Christ. I know how much both of them mean to you and never once has it crossed my mind to ask you to just stop being part of their lives. I don't think it's smart on your part and especially not Lindley's but it's not my place to say much about that. 

You know what, Matt? Sorry doesn't really make things better. You saying sorry right now actually makes me feel like shit because you're clearly not sorry. I don't even think you see the problem here. You don't, do you? God, I'm not like trying to be some crazy jealous bitch. I'm glad you defend your friends against assholes and I'm glad you care enough about Lucian and I'm glad you still keep Taryn in your life. You're so compassionate and have such a big heart, I actually envy that about you, but you have to know when enough is enough. You know, maybe I am jealous..? Maybe I'm jealous of how many people you have in your life who would be there to punch someone for you if you ever needed it. I know that's stupid and I'm too old for this and just, nevermind. This whole argument is stupid because I'm - why are you looking at me like that??? - it's like I'm talking to a fucking wall. 

Just keep your sorrys because I don't want them. I just want to be happy with you and I would do anything to be that but you just seem so fine and dandy with making shitty choices and decisions that it doesn't really seem like you want to be happy with me. Of course you didn't notice the shit with Dax and Taryn because you've been coming home late and drunk and tired and with fucking injuries because a hot redhead needed you to punch a guy in order for her to realize that he's a shithead. Oh wait, she's still with him, isn't she?! Your little scene didn't do shit. All you've wanted lately is to pass out or be nursed back to sobriety so you can go do something stupid again and just, just forget it. I don't want to argue anymore either. Whatever. I'll get over it, I always just get over it. 

[jedi-mattdecker-blog]

Really, Molly, really?

The passive aggressiveness on Facebook, you ignoring me when you come back home… like really? We’re not kids, this is fucking stupid. I seriously don’t understand why you’re fucking pissed about anything, when I was trying to help someone? This is all bullshit. Yeah, next time something happening to someone I’ll just leave it be. Then when things escalate and something big happens, I’ll just shrug my shoulder and be all, “Well, it ain’t none of my business!” What the fuck? Like, this is me, Molly. I can’t stop being me. I’m impulsive, I believe what I want to believe and this is fucking stupid. I shouldn’t be feeling like this right now!

[mollyzaleski]

It’s not that I’m ignoring you, Matt. I just don’t know what to say. Actually, no, that’s not entirely true. I do know what to say but I don’t know why I feel like I need to say it? I don’t even know if that makes sense? I just, I don’t know. Haven’t we had this conversation already? This feels like déjà vu. I don’t like feeling like this but I can’t help it. I can help but feel like you’re so invested in caring about everyone else that you’re forgetting about us. Nothing has changed, Matt. I’m still here whenever you need me to be and just like before you’re going a million miles and just stopping for only seconds at a time to notice that I’m here. You’ve been too busy defending Lua’s honor and trick or treating with Lindley and her son to notice that Taryn hasn’t spoken to me since I told her about us or that I’ve been going crazy because Dax just disappeared. You just, I don’t know. Nevermind.

[jedi-mattdecker-blog]

Jeez...

[mollyzaleski]

I have been trick or treating with El before, back when I was with Taryn? I’ve never been with Lucian and I felt like I should and I don’t know. I’m sorry I didn’t go, I told Taryn to let me know if Ella was okay with it or if she wasn’t putting a face? I don’t know, Molly, I’m sorry. But either way I would’ve lost?

… I do! Do you know how much she suffered because I wasn’t around? I could’ve helped somehow - maybe if I had just, you know, stuck around instead of being selfish and going to California, she would’ve turned out differently. Do you know how many overdoses she had? Her brother, my childhood best friend, gave up after the third one, or something like that. Do you know how scary it was to see her lifeless on a bed? I just ran from it - so yeah, it do see it like I owe her something. But you know what? That boy doesn’t know who his father is, he’s deaf, and his mom is in school and constantly busy. But he understands that and doesn’t bother her because he’s a great kid. I’m just trying to make things okay for them, even if it’s just buying costumes and trick or treating with them.

But, Molly, nobody can compete with you, okay? You’re who I want, you’re what I want. Lindley, Taryn, all the other women out there - they don’t know me like you do. You were my best friend first, you’ll always be my best friend and that’s why I treasure you so much. Because you mean that much to me and something like Lindley and Lucian doesn’t compare to you. Taryn doesn’t compare to you, even though she meant so much to me at one point in my life. Molly, you mean the most to me, at this point of my life and… well, who knows, maybe until we’re old and wrinkled and I don’t know. It’s just, you have nothing to worry about. Okay?

God just stop saying sorry when you're really not. You don't even think you did anything wrong so what exactly are you apologizing for? It's not about winning or losing, okay? It's about having your priorities straight. You know, when you had other girlfriends and you did stupid shit and you came running to me I tried to convince myself that I didn't understand why the hell they stuck around but I get it, Matt, I do. You have a big heart and you care so much but you have to understand that you're not Superman. 

Trust me, I know that Lucian is a great kid and he deserves the world but you can't give it to him. And don't get me started on Lindley; she's an incredible mother. She made it through the tough shit and she's moving on and making a better life for herself. The past is in the past so leave it there, Matt, please just don't mess with things that don't need to be messed with. Costumes and trick or treating with them was a great gesture and I hope you got the satisfaction you were looking for but come on, you can't tell me that you think that that's actually good for him? You can't be his fill in dad because someday when you're not there for whatever reason - Lindley dating a new guy or you having your own son - he's going to want you there Matt. You won't always be able to be there. He's a kid, you can't explain that to him. 

I'm not worrying about myself, I'm worrying about you and us. Mostly you. I don't want you to be upset but I can't not tell you what I think just because we're together now. When you're an idiot I have to tell you you're being an idiot. It's part of the whole best friend thing. You said it yourself, we were best friends before anything else. 

[jedi-mattdecker-blog]

Jeez...

[mollyzaleski]

Look, just come out with it and say it, alright? I can take it, whatever the hell you need to say, it doesn’t matter because — … Okay, alright. What? I was just trick or treating with Lindley and her son. I’m not playing house with anyone! Look, Lindley and I stopped talking a long time ago because I was too young and stupid to know what the hell she was going through. Yeah, I told you about that time she kissed me but she was high as fuck and it didn’t mean anything - I was eighteen, I still had the whole world ahead of me. I stopped talking to her from that moment on and I regret it. Look, Molly… 

I just - I don’t know. Maybe you’re right, or maybe you’re making a big deal with this but I’m going have to think the former because I’m usually stupid at these things and don’t understand until later about how it all comes together. But, fine. If you want me to stop talking to Lindley, then fine. I just wanted to be a good uncle, is all.

It wasn't just trick or treating, that's what you don't seem to understand. It's more than that and if you're going to use the whole being a good uncle excuse at least make sense? You ditched El and sure you came over afterwards but she was already coming down from a sugar high. She kept asking about you all night and we kept making excuses but you can't sit there and say that you were trying to be a good uncle.

You seem to forget that I know you better than anyone else and if I'm not mistaking - which I most likely am not - you feel like you owe something to the two of them. It wasn't your fault that you guys lost touch. You were young and she had problems, any one in your place would have done the same thing. Both of you are in better places now, Matt, what are you trying to make up to her?? Not giving her a chance?? Because if that's what's on your mind you're going to have to let me know before this thing between us goes any further.

Look, I can handle Taryn because I know she meant a lot to you - means a lot to you - and when it comes to her I know what I'm up against but Lindley, I don't even know her. I can't compete with what I don't know, Matt.