Nieck Goodman @monieckdriezi - Tumblr Blog

I wanna be kinder

amysinwonderland

maybe in another universe I don’t feel different

whendidmythoughtsgocrazy

I would have kept choosing you forever but you made me choose myself.

k.b. // by @/brennenbeckwith - tiktok

kosmogrl

oldwinesoul

// excerpted from Mark Doty's piece: "White Kimono", in Sweet Machine)

dreamer-but-realist

I am in a whirlpool of thoughts. Somehow I do not want your attention, but the depths of your eyes still lingers in my mind.

dreamer-but-realist

In a different scale.

In my mid-20's now, again at a crossroads. Both need my limited time. I'm thinking about 10 years ago most of the time. How it always was so simple. School-study-school. Now it's a lot of things, the world has gotten complicated. Women empowerment here and there. My friends slowly fading away.

I used to just want to be cool. To be unique amongst the many high school students of my batch. I used to want to be with the weirdos, with people who like the same stuff I've watched since I was a kid. I don't know now. It feels like I'm in a crisis of identity. I feel so lost all of a sudden. I thought I'd have it figured out at this age.

It feels sad that everyone's breaking up. No family to run to as much.

Everything I do feels so performative. The toys I buy, the random things I see. I used to want to do it for Joewhane. Now she's a big girl. I used to want to do everything for my mama. But now we've gotten distant. It's really not the same 10 years ago. When my world was only the four corners of my bedroom. When the TV was my only escape from this reality I am facing. It felt so simple. I actually felt something.

#realization #writerscommunity

It seems familiar. This setting. The aura. Everything about it feels like a cycle of dread. Even Aphrodite was never enough. Why would I be?

I don't wanna be someone who wasted his potential growing up. I wanna be someone who lived up to it. Or outgrown it. Where can I find it?