Love the “Un”- Present from the Author’s heart My earliest memory as a child was when my mom and dad said their “I do’s”. I profoundly remember the kiss, I was a year old. My dad’s late sister blinded me by placing her hand over my eyes. As we all know in that day and age we weren’t allowed to see any kind of love sharing methods. My actual focus, content and purpose behind this blog is to vocalize all the “present” belonging, love, support, happiness, family and health spiraling into the “un”- present(absence) of every feeling, expectancy and state I previously mentioned. From a healthy, privileged, academic and happy teenager into a single adolescent mom and drug stricken addict. This will be my first entry into my blog, which will encompass everything from my teenage years to adulthood. No sugar, no spice and nothing nice even though I would love to give you words of inspiration or motivation but the blog is almost captured in “real-time”, me remembering every pain staking memory, besides no two people walk the same life, no two people come from the same dynamics. We might end up in the same place, but we have never walked the same path, similar but not the same. The end in mind for this blog is to reveal my truth, my life and drug addiction at its worst.I have since relocated, met someone, had 2 boys after my daughter, became an Analyst, been baptized and got married. Story of my life, this is my testimony
One week before I left for Johannesburg, I decided that Cape Town was no longer a home to me, it was more like a man made pit of endless negativity, wrong crowds and trauma.
On Wednesday evening, 29th January 2008, we got on a bus with one bag, no money and my heart in pieces because I left my brother, Fazlien Joshua behind. I never cried that much, tears continuously rolling down my cheeks from…
I remember the day my brother, Orrin had to attend a matric ball with his girlfriend at the time. Her family was hosting a cheese and wine at their home in Blackheath.
Everyone was laughing taking photo’s and then we had to take a family photo, very hesitantly I partook in the merry occasion……until the day the photos were developed and I looked at myself in the photo.
The amount of drugs that I was doing was absurd and before I knew it, tiny pieces of who I was, was a distant memory.
I lost “me” somewhere between the shiny broken pieces.
My dependency on drugs grew each day, along with the dependency, I grew so nevermind about my appearance, hygiene and became very absent minded when it came to work.
I began stealing items from family’s homes, lies became my…
At a time of negative influence, your judgement is skewed, not just that, the drugs impacts your cognitive and reason/decision making, which is so poor that people you would never befriend, become your closest friends. The misconstrued understanding of what a friend is supposed to be, when the cynical smiles and cynical hearts which approaches you become the only look you trust.
By this time, I heard the whispers and snickering about my appearance and I avoided the “possible” small talk as much as I could. I became withdrawn, isolating myself from any normal kind of human interaction as the paranoia became a part of my personality.
The things and activities I once enjoyed, became a distant memory as the fun, humorous, spontaneous social butterfly, slowly but surely, was…
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