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@monster-and-coffee
Rant about the concept of pregnancy.
How tf do i explain to people that i canNOT fucking fathom pregnancy or talking abt it because all i can think abt is weight gain and permanent body disfigurment. Bc like whenever my parents or friends bring it up I want to DIE and idk why they even ask me if i ever wanna be pregnant and have kids bc im a lesbian with an eating disorder that does not like babies at all but yk.
Why does the weirdest fuckin shit trigger my ED like I'll literally look at a slim horse or smthn and be like "god I wish that were me :((("
YOU FUCKING WHAT.
Ah ha I literally cannot sleep unless im hungry and its 5am and IM NOT HUNGRY
UGHHHHHHHHHHH ONE OF THE GIRLS IM GNA BE ROOMATES WITH NEXT YEAR very clearly has an ed fuck fuck fuck why does this shit have to be competitive this is literally gna be hell for both of us
I ordered slimfast shakes to try those out for breakfasts (supposed to decrease ur appetite and my self-discipline is WANING), so I will keep u guys updated on how that diet plan goes :3 im HOPING they help we'll see. If you cannot tell, im losing my mind ❤
I think about those rei metabolism drops every single day. I DO NOT CARE if they were causing heart attacks I want that shit back on the market RIGHT NOW. FUCKING. THIS IS A THREAT GIVE ME THE SKINNY JUICE.
Very high atm but I just think its really fuckin stupid that I can feel fatter than fucking EVER but im. I lost. Weight. But i lost muscle too is the problem so like im thinner but I feel to fuckin squishy I need the gyms to open fully asap
New fear food unlocked: Lady Gaga Chromatica Oreos SPECIFICALLY. EATING DISORDER HOMOPHOBIA.
this isn't even a joke this is just how my day's going.
So like. I'm non binary (been wondering if im just- transmasc- but that is an issue to unpack another day) and the fact that no amount of starving will get rid of my honkin bandonka moo moo titties is transphobic of god
Mental health in the dumpster hehe
Are yall ever like "i havent worn this article of clothing in so long, it must be WAY too small on me now I've defiently gained weight" and then you put it on and its fucking FALLING OFF because that just happened to me and idk whether i should be over the moon or concerned for my physical well being
Jokingly said "oh my god what should i get for dinner that costs zero dollars" bc my meal card is out and this MOTHER FUCKER REALLY LOOKED ME IN THE EYES AND SAID "sleep."
Like okay good idea
Im REALLY trying not to get t worded on here i am out of email adresses 😔😔😔
"Im so jealous of your metabolism omg 😫😫😫"
Babe it's pronounced ee-ting-dis-oar-der
Yall ever eat food
Does the fact that im almost out of dining dollars on my mealcard trigger me enough to only allow myself coffee?? Yeah. Is the reason that my meal card is so low in the first place because I get starbucks on campus multiple times a day in the first place??? Mhm.
Okay so I relapsed (very fun and quirky of me) and my ED is forcing me to view my partner as thinspo He is the same height and age as me but he is SO FUCKING SKINNY like I swear to God I could eat off the slopes of his collarbones and I can feel the points of his hipbones and knees Im extremely fucking frustrated because I love him and I love his body so much in General, but now that Ana has taken over my fucking brain again I can't stop looking at him as my ugw and I feel so horrible and guilty and dirty about it and I don't know how to turn it off or go back (sideblog is flowerpetalsandtea)
Hey hun!
I'm really sorry youre going through a relapse, its awful, I know. Ive actually been in a really similar situation to what you're describing before. It is SO important to talk to him about it, especially in a relationship. Obviously he can't do anything aboit the way your ED sees him (a grim reality of the disorder, im afraid) but at the very least he would know to avoid talking about food or how much he's eating around you, and maybe give some affirmation as well. You don't even need to tell him that he's triggering it either, if you fear That may make him feel guilty about it. That being said, your emotional wellbeing comes first! It wouldn't be outlandish to ask him for a short break so you can try to figure things out. But dont feel guilty about the way youre thinking! Remember that these are thoughts that you absolutely have no control over, and that they dont make you a bad person/partner.
Im so sorry you have to go through this again, please stay safe ❤❤❤ im not great with advice, but i promise you'll get through this, no matter how difficult it seems in the moment