◇ Lynn ◇

ED haver | Pro recovery | 19 | She/her

[monster-ultra-zer0]

There's something indescribable about the shame and embarrassment that comes with irls knowing you have an ed, but you arent losing weight.

Like I'm already disappointed in myself for being a failure, but other people also have to notice how invalid my issues are.

[monster-ultra-zer0]

So jealous of my mom rn 🤧

[monster-ultra-zer0]

"You need to stop eating, man. That's how you get fat."

-my coworker

Anyways how are yalls days going :D

[monster-ultra-zer0]

Chat am I cooked

(Very close to suicide)

[monster-ultra-zer0]

Me fr

[monster-ultra-zer0]

My doctor said a 5 lbs gain or loss is normal after a monthly check in for tracking meds

I lost 10 lbs :))))

Could be better but that's after a binge streak

My mom caught me smiling and got mad lmao

[monster-ultra-zer0]

before I was with my ex I thought a relationship would give me more motivation to starve for him.

but now that we broke up I've been so much more motivated to become either

super hot so he wants me back but can't have me

or

scary thin so he feels bad for leaving me...

god I'm pathetic lmao

[monster-ultra-zer0]

Slay

[monster-ultra-zer0]

This is why I have trust issues

This is like a 3lbs difference

Ik I'm a fatass btw please don't comment on it :)

Istg I look obese

[monster-ultra-zer0]

Mondays amirite

[monster-ultra-zer0]

Not bad

[monster-ultra-zer0]

I feel so conflicted when my bf gets worried about me not eating

Like I feel kinda giddy cause I feel more valid but I don't want him to actually be upset on my behalf

[monster-ultra-zer0]

Randomly decided to fast for 100 hours

It's been 79 hours and I thought it would be harder tbh

At first it was gonna be 65 hours to beat my record then I got competitive cause my coworker said he fasted 72 hours one day and I feel like I'm gonna keep making new goals til I physically can't anymore but I don't really care

[monster-ultra-zer0]

The internal conflict between

wanting to go on medication to feel valid and maybe get a little better

And

Not wanting to so i feel valid and cause part of me still wants to get worse

Why am I like this

[monster-ultra-zer0]

It's almost impressive how good my parents are at invalidating my mental issues even when I have a LITERAL DIAGNOSIS NOW.

[fruit-n-veggie-slut]

they switch roles often 😌😌

[monster-ultra-zer0]

Me

[monster-ultra-zer0]

Okay how the hell have I had my ED change from really restrictive to binging every weekend to binging every day to purging every once in a while to purging every day then back to restricting pretty good but not as good as before in like a year.

No wonder my therapist won't officially diagnose me with anything specific.