And whenever you’re breezing through (keep tearing my world apart)
Wc: 5.2k
Pairing: Azzi Fudd x Paige Bueckers, loser!paige x popular!azzi, skater!paige x photographer!azzi
Summary: Paige is a loner and Azzi is a popular girl. They aren't meant to be friends, let alone lovers. But what happens when they discover they actually aren't as different as it seems?
TW: Homophobia, suggestive content, bullying MINORS DNI
Author's note: Hi, I hope you enjoy the final part to this series. This is unedited and maybe not my best work but I felt that you all deserved an ending to this series.
Paige has always had a fear of drowning. She read somewhere once that drowning was the most painful way to die. It starts with sheer panic, a feeling of helplessness and desperation. Then comes a burning sensation tearing through your chest, like fire underwater. Then comes the stillness, right before your heart stops and everything goes black.
When she was 5, her mother made her start taking swim lessons at the Castro Heights rec center. She spent the entire time crying and screaming anytime the instructors tried to force her into the pool. Eventually her mother stopped trying, and Paige never stepped near another body of water, so god help her.
Paige has never drowned, but she thinks this might be what it feels like. There was an anvil setting on her chest, and each breath after the other became heavier and heavier. She clawed at her skin, in an attempt to relieve herself from the exponential laceration. She stripped herself of all her clothes until she was completely bare. Only then, she slipped underneath the soft sheets of her bed, pulling them over her head until she was enveloped in darkness. She placed a hand on her bare chest, and another on her diaphragm, following the pace of her breaths until they slowed. Just days ago Paige was lost in Azzi, and now she's suffocating with her absence.
Paige didn't wake up until 3 am that night. She thought maybe she could escape the feeling by losing herself in never-ending sleep, but when she woke, it was as if floodgates were broken down and the pangs of hurt rushed back in. She couldn't tell if she started crying when she woke up, or if she never stopped. Paige brought her fingertips to brush the tears from her eyes, but when she removed her hands they were dry, like all the water in her body had dried up.
It felt different this time. What Josie did hurt, but she wasn't falling in love with Josie.
Paige fumbled around on her nightstand for her phone, the blue light stinging her already raw eyes.
Azzi Fudd: 16 missed calls
Azzi Fudd
Paige please answer my calls
Azzi Fudd
let me explain. It's not what you think I promise.
Paiges finger hovered over the call button, but her hands were shaking too much to press.
She slipped out from under her comforter and put on an old MCR T-shirt and sleep shorts. She tiptoed down the hall and knocked softly on her little brother's bedroom door. When she stepped inside Drew sat up in bed rubbing his eyes sleepily.
"Paigey?" Drew questioned.
"Sorry for waking you. Is it ok if I sleep in here?" Paige asked. She hadn't slept in Drew's bed since the last time she saw her mom. She had thought maybe she would have changed, maybe she wanted to be in her life again, but she left. Just like she always did. Just like most of the people in her life. So she went to the one person she knew she could trust would never leave, her little brother.
Drew nodded, still groggy with sleep as he scooted over to the far edge of his bed to make room for his older sister. Despite their age and size difference, in moments like these Paige felt smaller than she's ever been. She held her breath to try to stop her tears, but they choked out eventually.
"Don't cry Paigey" Drew said as he stroked her hair.
Paige sniffled and squeezed her eyes shut.
"Everything is gonna be ok Paigey"
---
Azzi had barely slept in 2 days, but the chill of January and the anxiety coursing through her body was keeping her wide awake. She had been sitting outside the back exit of Castro Heights High for the past 36 minutes waiting for a certain blonde to walk out the doors. She had met Paige here at the same time everyday after school, but there was still noting of her.
The last few nights Azzi had lay awake alternating between attempting and failing to call Paige, and brainstorming all the ways in which she had messed up. Questioning why she couldn't just stand up to Josie, why she even decided to honor a friendship that was never reciprocated. But most of all, how she had promised Paige she wouldn't hurt her, but she ended up doing the one thing she feared most.
Now, sitting outside in the cold waiting for Paige, she wasn't sure what she was going to say, but she couldn't spend a minute longer without talking to her. Just before she decided to give up, the back door swung open. Azzi held her breath in anticipation, but instead of Paige, her eyes landed on the last person she wanted to see in that moment.
Josie.
When their eyes met, a brief display of panic flashed on Josie's face, it lasted for less than a second before she twisted her face into a smirk, but Azzi caught it.
"Hey Az, standing out in the cold again?" Josie said with fake smile plastered on her face.
"You really have some nerve, even coming over here Josie" Azzi spat, clenching her fists to hold herself back from launching herself at the girl in front of her.
Josie rolled her eyes and laughed. "Oh please Azzi, you should be thanking me. You were about to throw everything about your life away just to associate with the town creep."
"and whose fault is that!" Azzi yelled.
Josie stepped back, not expecting Azzi to stand up to her.
"Yeah Josie. I know you lied about what happened with Paige last summer. I know you made all of that up just because of whatever homophobic bullshit you believe in." Azzi was heavy breathing by the time all of the words came out of her mouth.
Both girls stood there in shock. Neither one of them was used to Azzi shutting Josie down. It was a disruption to the order that their friendship had always followed: Josie commands, Azzi follows, but losing Paige made her realize she couldn’t bear to follow any more of Josies orders, she had to turn them down.
“Wake up Josie, my world doesn’t revolve around you anymore.” She took a breath “Now for the love of god, did you see Paige leave?”
Josie hesitated for a second, contemplating whether or not to speak, but the look on Azzi’s face made her realize the girl was not backing down anytime soon.
“No i didn’t.”
Azzi began to walk away,
“B-but her little brother, he’s in the same class as my cousin, they just got let out”
Before she could say another word, Azzi shouldered past her and towards the recess area.
———
“Drew!” Azzi shouted when she spotted the mop of curly brown hair that belonged to the little boy.
Drew whipped his head around to search for whatever voice was beckoning him, his two front teeth sticking out from his smile, but as soon as he saw who had been calling his name, his face dropped. He tightened the straps on his backpack and began speed walking away from the girl.
“Drew wait!” Azzi yelled as she caught up to him.
Drew looked up at her with furrowed brows. “You said you wouldn’t hurt Paigey. You lied” he said sternly.
Azzi felt a stab to her heart from his words. “I know I hurt your sister, but Drew I swear I didn’t mean to, I would never try to hurt her on purpose.”
Drew looked back up at her, his expression still hardened. “How do I know you’re not lying again”
Azzi looked at the little boy directly in the eyes. It pained her to see how much not only she had hurt Paige, but how she had hurt Drew as well. He was innocent collateral that came down with her.
“Drew I promise I never wanted to hurt Paige. I- I love her. And there nothing I want more than to make it up to her. But I need your help” she let out.
After taking a moment to let her words sink in, Drew finally responded, For such a little kid her sure did have a lot of emotional intelligence.
“Ok, but you have to pinky promise you won't hurt Paigey again" He said sticking his pinky finger out towards Azzi.
She linked her pinky with Drew's and looked him in the eye "I promise".
He nodded at the words, his guard lowering halfway.
"Okay. I just need you to help me get Paige to meet me in crow's woods by the creek tomorrow afternoon. Can you do that?" asked Azzi.
Drew nodded "Yeah. I can do that"
Azzi placed her hands on either of the little boy's shoulders "Thank you Drew" she said before turning to walk away.
Before she was completely out of earshot Drew yelled "Azzi!"
She turned around "yeah?"
"Don't forget our promise"
------
The air was cold, but not to the bone like it got in the depths of winter in Castro valley. The sun reflected off of the snow blanket that covered the ground creating a subtle warmth.
"Drew I'm really not in the mood to fight with you, but if you don't tell me where we are going in the next five minutes I'm gonna get mad" Paige shouted out towards her younger brother.
Drew was half walking, half skipping through the woods, his arms bouncing in his winter coat that was a size too big.
"Just a little bit further Paigey!" Drew shouted back at her, hoping that if he just kept his eyes forward his sister would follow without question.
Paige wasn't sure why she agreed to this idea of Drew's. Well actually she couldn't bare the idea of telling her dad that she had her heart broken by the best friend of the girl who had made her life a living hell, so when Drew brought up going to Crow's woods after school, and her dad insisted it was good for her to get out of the house, she had simply agreed. Now she regrets not just facing the shame of her dad instead of being stuck in the woods with her hyperactive younger brother.
Drew's pace started to slow as they approached a small creek. Paige's stomach fell. She hadn't been back her since the last time she was with Azzi. "Drew I want to go home" she panicked.
"Just a little bit further" He said, and tugged her hand around the bend of a large oak tree.
"Drew seriously--" She was stopped in the middle of her sentence by the sight surrounding her. There were strings of photographs hanging from every branch she could see, creating a sort of cocoon in the small patch of woods. Intertwined withe each string of photographs was cascading fairy lights, glowing slightly under the shade of the trees.
As she stepped closer, she was able to see each individual photograph more clearly. The first one she laid her eyes on was a picture of herself in a white cable knit sweater, her hand stretched out in front of her in a lame attempt to cover the lens. Her smile was bright and soft, glowing from the soft light that filtered through the blinds in her room. The next one was a picture of her, brow furrowed, knees pulled to her chest and hand gripping her sketchbook in deep focus, another was Paige sleeping, head rested on tanned legs, her blonde hair splayed out, and her mouth slightly agape.
Paige took a deep breath as she took in all of the pictures surrounding her. Each one was a picture Azzi had taken. Some she remembered, some she didn't even know existed, but they all captured Paige in the same light: peaceful, safe, warm.
She let her gaze drift to a small stone where snow had been brushed from atop. There was a cream envelope sitting on top of it, addressed to her in cursive.
To Paige,
I know that we haven’t been speaking lately, but my heart aches for you every day we are apart. I have been thinking of you every day until my chest hurts.
I won’t continue in how much it has hurt to have lost you, because I am stuck in a conversation loop of what it has felt like to have you in my arms. I love you more than I think I have felt alive. I was scared to say it out loud because I was scared of what other people would think of us, but I care more about losing you than what other people think. I know we aren't speaking right now but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try to get you back. If any part of you feels the same, please let me explain. I love you.
-- A
Paige brought her shaky hands to wipe the already frosted tears from her cheeks. Before she could drag her eyes to the top of the page again, Azzi appeared from behind a pine tree. Her curls were tucked into her scarf, and her cheeks were a dusty pink color, clearly from facing a long period of time in the cold.
Azzi took a deep breath as she stepped closer. "Paige", she said, voice cracking between each vowel.
The two girls stood face to face, the tips of their noses centimeters apart. Azzi brought her fingers to Paige's cheeks, her thumbs sliding away the small sheets of icy tears from her freckles.
Azzi parted her lips to speak, but before she could muster up another breathless attempt, she felt Paige's lips press into her own. For a brief moment, their chapped skin stuck to one another, frozen at the seam and fusing oneself to another. But just as quickly as each of their mouths moved, perfectly slotted into each other, it melted to an all-enveloping warmth.
For the first time in a while, Paige felt her head above the surface.
---------
"wait" Azzi pulled away, out of breath.
"As much as I want to keep kissing you, you deserve to hear the truth." She said.
Paige nodded her head softly, her eyes darting off to the corner. Azzi tugged her hand gently to sit down on the tree stump a few feet from where they stood.
"I know it's hard to trust me right now, but I promise I wouldn't be here if I didn't mean it" Azzi spoke softly.
She took a deep breath before continuing. "That day in the cafeteria with Josie, she-- she was never meant to see the sketches, I never should have even been sitting there in the first place" She felt Paige wince at the reminder of the memory and her heart almost broke into a million pieces all over again.
"That day, I never should have even sat with them, but I ran into Josie, and well, you know how she is"
She did know how Josie was.
"She somehow convinced me that I owed it to her to be there. And I let her manipulate me. When she saw the sketches, it was like she struck gold in her plan." Azzi continued.
"I should've known better, I should've stood up to her right there and then, but i was dumb and naive. And Paige I'm so sorry" Azzi finished, her throat raw from holding back tears.
Azzi took Paige's hands in hers and brought her eyes to look directly at the girl. "Paige I need you to know that I would never hurt you on purpose. And I swear, if you let me, I will never stop trying to make up for it."
Paige wanted to let herself believe Azzi's words, but the part of her that had been hurt so many times before was holding her back. Before she could imprison her own mind further, her gaze drifted past the girl in front of her and to the strings of photographs behind them. Each one was vulnerable in their own way. It reminded Paige of the moments that were just her and Azzi, none of the outside noise that made her want to pull it all apart and hide.
She took a breath. Her fear didn't completely dissolve but she thought maybe even if she got hurt again, it would be worth it to have Azzi in her life.
"i really missed you" Paige whispered after while.
Azzi wrapped herself around the blonde, breathing in her scent, her face nuzzled into the crook of her neck.
"Me too Paige. You have no idea"
----
"Drew you are doing a terrible job" mumbled an annoyed Paige as she watched herself in the mirror.
Paige was sitting on a swivel chair wearing a three piece nevy suit, while her little brother attempted and failed to fasten a bowtie to her collar. She never imagined herself getting ready to go to high school prom, but then again, she had never imagined herself dating Azzi Fudd, so here we are.
"I swear dad did it exactly like this last time, and it came out perfec,t" said Drew.
Paige began to tug on the ends of the tie, loosening it from her neck. Much to her relief, her door creaked open and her dad stepped in.
'What's going on in here with you knuckleheads?" her dad teased as he wrapped his arm around Drew, ruffling his hair.
"I think you should take over dad, Paigey is one bad knot away from kicking me out" the little boy said as he flopped on to his sisters bed.
Bob took the bowtie from his daughter's hands and began carefully starting over Drew's mess. Paige stayed quiet but offered a small smile at her dad's help.
"What time does your date get here?" Bob said as he pulled the fabric through the last loop and straightened the bow on her neck.
"Please don't hate her dad," Paige said as she lowered her head to point at the floor.
Bob lifted her chin before speaking. ''i don't hate her kiddo, I just hate to see you hurt." The sincerity in his eyes said more than his words.
"Azzi won't hurt me dad, I promise," said Paige
Bob nodded softly. "I trust you Paige" he said before embracing her in a hug.
"hey you get in here too dummy" said Paige as she extended her arm to wrap Drew into their family embrace.
Just as they pulled apart, the doorbell echoed through the house.
"AZZI" yelled Drew and bounded down the stairs. He pulled open the front door of the Bueckers' house to reveal Azzi standing in the frame, wearing a long golden dress covered with a layer of sparkles. The sweetheart neckline ended just above her chest, while mesh covered the rest of her collarbones, the sparkles continuing to her shoulders. Her hair was parted three-quarters down the crown of her head and slicked back into a bun. A soft pink rushed to her cheeks when she made eye contact with her girlfriend, and she couldn't help but look away from nervousness.
"you look gorgeous, Az." said Paige, stepping closer to the girl in front of her.
"So do you P. You're really beautiful you know." said Azzi as she smoothed down the lapel of her suit.
Paige felt a familiar warmth spread throughout her chest. Sometimes when she looks at Azzi, it's like the rest of the world vanishes, and just for a moment, nothing else matters.
"well don't you two clean up well. Azzi do your parents want to come in to take pictures?" said Bob.
Paige, noticing the subtle shift in emotion from Azzi squeezed her hand gently. It wasn't Bob's fault, he didn't know that her parents couldn't even be bothered to give her a ride, let alone accept the fact that she has a girlfriend.
"They're a little camera shy, but we'll have to get you in one Mr. Bueckers." Azzi joked.
"Alright, well, we'd better get started then, Drew can be a bossy photographer," said Bob, and guided them all to the front porch.
----
Paige and Azzi were parked in the far corner of the parking lot, of the highschool. Their hands wrapped around eachother tightly and their mouths kissing ferverously into one another. Azzi's grip on the lapels of Paige's suit jacket, and her tongue slipped further between her lips, letting out a sigh at the sensation. Paige's hands gripped Azzi's waist like it was her life force. The blonde moved her mouth down her girlfriend's neck and sucked right below her pulse point.
"Paige wait" Azzi whispered, her voice still shaky.
"hmm?" said Paige as she looked up, her pupils dilated and glassy.
Azzi touched her cheek gently. "As much as I am enjoying this, we probably should go inside before the whole thing is over?"
Paige groaned. "I guess you're right," she said in response.
"You know, you don't have to do this Az. You don't have to go in there with me in front of everyone," said Paige. Partly because she didn't want Azzi to feel pressure to take on the judgment of their peers, but also because a small part of her was scared of getting hurt again. As much as she tried to fight the feeling, there was a lingering feeling that all of this was too good to be true, that on the other side of those doors, Azzi eould leave her.
"Hey" said Azzi as she touched Paige's cheek. "I know I don't have to do anything. But I want to be with you Paige. And I don't care what anyone thinks." she finished.
Paige let a small smile creep onto her face "alright, well, let's hurry up then"
----
When the two girls finally walked through the doors, they were prepared to be greeted with the eyes of their entire Senior class, but much to their surprise, the sea of people was directing their attention completely to their class president, who was holding a microphone on stage.
"Thank you all for coming tonight! And a huge thank you to our student government for planning this amazing event. I hope you are all having fun! Now we are going to announce your Castro Valley High Prom King and Queen."
The crowd whispered and mumbled in anticipation.
"Your Castro high prom king is... Blake Holloway" the crowd erupted into cheers.
Azzi rolled her eyes at the announcement. "Maybe we should just ditch this thing" she said.
"And your Castro high prom queen is... Azzi Fudd!" said the announcer, and all eyes turned to search the crowd for the girl.
Azzi looked to Paige before hesitatingly making her way through the crowd. When she reached the stage her heart was beating out of her chest.
"Congratulations Blake and Azzi, now lets welcome our king and queen to their first dance." said the announcer.
Blake reached out a hand to Azzi to guide her to the floor, but Azzi turned towards the announcer instead, gesturing for her mic.
"Um hi everyone." she started into the mic, her nerves evident in her voice. "Thanks to everyone who voted for me. I know this is supposed to be a prom king and queen dance but I was hoping to invite someone else up here with me." she continued.
Whispers and confused looks spread on the faces of students in the crowd, but Azzi continued on.
"I know you probably have heard a lot of rumors about people at this school, and it might be easy to believe they are true. But I encourage you all to not let rumors based on hatred or differences lead your truth. I want to ask someone special join me for this dance, you probably don't know her very well, but she is the best person I know. I have never met someone more kind or caring or selfless in my life, and I don't want to hide her from the world anymore."
Azzi took a deep breath. "Paige, will you come dance with me" she asked.
Paiges heart beat out of her chest. She rubbed her hands on the sides of her suit pants, attempting to calm her nerves. Every instinct in her body told her to turn around and run out the doors, but when her eyes locked onto Azzi's on stage, everything else faded away. She didn't have to be afraid anymore, no matter what anyone else thought, Azzi saw her for who she really was.
The crowd parted as the two girls met on the dance floor. They both walked slowly towards eachother untul they were face to face. Azzi picked up the crown from her head and placed it on the girl standing in front of her.
"hi" said Paige.
Azzi smiled. "Paige, may I have this dance?" she asked as she held her hand out.
"yes" said Paige as she took Azzi's hand into her own.
----
the end.
