safe words are tools used to ensure people can stop a scene at any time immediately for any reason. Many types of play such CNC (rape play). During cnc scenes, often times the “victim” will pretend to beg for the person to stop. If something goes wrong and the person needs the scene to end, the safe word allows the “victim” to communicate this effectively and clearly so the dom won’t misunderstand.
In the BDSM scene, many places, such as clubs, will have a set list of safe words. They are usually green, yellow, red, safe word.
green- everything is fine, keep going
yellow- hang on I need a minute, something may be wrong I’m not sure, but let’s pause and check.
red- full stop something is wrong, the scene needs to end.
safe word-unfortunately, because the scene is so large, there are assholes and predators. in kink clubs, there are dungeon masters who walk around and make sure everything is ok. if someone says red, and their partner does not stop, the person is then expected to say “safe word” to then let the DMs know they need to step in and end the scene because their partner is not. This is extremely rare and may vary from event to event.
some couples use their own safewords. Feel free to get creative!
anyone, even dom’s can use safe words. some scenes can be very emotional or difficult for people to do. safe words allow for clear communication during darker scenes.
if you are with someone who uses a safe word, end the scene immediately and begin aftercare.
if you ignore someone’s use of a safe word, the scene is no longer safe and you are committing rape.
never, ever shame someone for ending a scene early.
never, ever shame someone for using a safe word.
If someone ever tells you they do not believe in the use of safe words, I recommend finding a new partner. This means if something is wrong, they may not respect your need for the scene to end. This means the person is not safe. The only time I have ever heard a good argument for this thinking is from a friend who had been in the scene for a long while.
he was of the firm belief that you should not even start a scene unless the scene was heavily discussed and there is explicit consent for every action. This was coming from the perspective that the partners had been together long enough that they would know if something was wrong without having to use safe words.
this is still extremely dangerous and does not account for random, unexpected occurances.
janainaart
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titsay
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