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This was the last time I felt myself. What do I mean by that? I mean I literally looked at this after I took it and said "who the fuck do you think you are though?". I've been on a journey for myself. I had these words change every aspect of how I think, who I am, and who I want to be. I sat and wrote out a lyric to this picture and then I realized that I really didn't want to post it. I found that I feel the most negativity from these social platforms. Personally I choose to want to post and scroll through these things, but I've let go of a lot of things and that includes keeping up with this, whatever you want to call it "social media". I changed my ways for the better of my mentality because the truth is I struggle every day when I wake up and I started to get.. worse you can say. I had something majorly impact me because I suddenly felt my world fall out of my hands. I was already trying to live differently so as to take care of myself physically, but when it came to the mentality part I lost my grip before I could even start on it. Basically since I've forgotten about this extra extension of me on the internet, I have felt a big difference on me. I said last night that maybe I've just opened my eye too much and I'm allowing myself to ask too many questions because the advice I got was "maybe you just shouldn't ask questions ". The thing is though that my mind never stops running and that's directly where my difficulties start. I've never felt so worthy of my own loneliness until I let this go. Nobody cares and truly I know now that I don't care just as much as each and every single one of you. The difference between you and me is that I do deep down care for particular people and I do express it especially when I'm given the opportunity to do so in person. To me I find it easy to imagine that all this is what you think is important and that's good for you. I on the other hand don't want this I voluntarily leave all this to you all who seem to have a good grasp on it. I plan to keep opening my eye more, question more, and self care more. "I finally opened my eyes. I'm waking up. Good morning. Good morning." -Most Dope #byebye #takecare ✌👁🖤 https://www.instagram.com/p/BpUs8wXgfEDFyTlfKA7j02S5Sxcj01L-c6q3jU0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1f8tzd9lbpfet

#byebye #takecare

Peace

I don't think I'm about this social media life. Quite honestly I'm not even about communicating with others. I'm finding that I just don't fit with the habits of this society. I sit and wonder if there is a possibility of someone being happy without all these connections. In my opinion there is no real connection. Sure you can hit up your buddy in a second and the outcome should result in a response within seconds. What about when that's not the result? Humans are losing their human instincts with all this communication. Obviously it's too easy to leave someone you were having a "conversation " with no reply or no effort to respond anymore. Perhaps you just found someone worth more the effort of messaging? I'm just over it. There's not even a circle of people I do this with. No these people want to come over and really use their voice and sit and have a real conversation. I find it crazy how some can't let all these ways of connecting go and actually go out of their way to speak so that there is no waiting or there is no left on read deal. When people would talk on the phone they would speak until there was nothing left to say. Until they were heading towards the person they were talking to to actually finish the conversation. To be in their presence and really connect. Perhaps I don't have people like this for a reason. Because they look at my activity and jump to assumptions on what I do in my life and they're intimidated or simply uninterested. That's fine really I don't, won't, will never make anybody do what I want. It's not my right to make you want to have a good time. Most likely that's not even what people yearn for. They stick themselves to people that won't tell them how it is. Really all this I'm seeing just made everyone so cowardice. I can sit here and write about how my heart is very easy to love. How I really feel and what I'm really thinking. I can also sit here and tell it all to you face to face, but quite honestly everyone's just too weak to connect that way anymore. Promise you won't be noticing activity on my medias for the rest of the year. "I'm over it" these words are all I've been living by and they have made such an impact that I truly am happy with all my decisions and letting go of this distraction is just another step towards my success. #nomoresocialmedia #imoverit

It's the realest part of it all. When he is upset he is quiet, but his face is perplexed. Truly I hate to see him so deep in thought and not at ease with whatever is making him frown. His demeanor is aggressive and rude.. but he apologizes,only to me, when he does catch himself. I allow him his space and don't speak until he is ready. As though he feels me keeping my distance, even though we are literally only 3 feet away from each other, he starts with a question. It's usually a hypothetical question in regards to what's conflicting him, and he's cautious at first with how he's speaking to me. With frustration, but no intention of taking it out on me, I'm very attentive to what he's saying. Giving him my full attention I listen and I carefully understand everything he says to give him the best advice to his situation. Without over stepping his boundaries and using respectful words with him, I see he slowly unwinds. Making him smirk and chuckle at my responses I truly just want him to get out of his head and come back to where I am... and it works. Perhaps realizing it himself, or at least I'd like to believe he does, he settles more, his body language going from stern and reserved to relaxed and bright. Here is where I want him. He becomes more open with each passing day, less willing to ignore my presence and rather starting to appreciate it. His way of saying things that make him think twice before just telling me. He whispers it with caution at first and when I say I didn't hear him, he says it again this time with confidence yet looking to the corner rather than the straight eye contact he usually gives me if we were talking about anything else. His confidence boosted with each passing day being more confident to tell me over and over again, give me more compliments each time. The true pain in his voice knowing I'm going to have to leave him early this day, telling me to not leave. This I've heard from several different males, but this specific one.. I'm loving it the more I hear it. I am attracted by him... I don't want to hold him. I don't want to kiss him. I don't think about that with him. No. His smile. His laugh. His happiness is what I want. When I accomplish this he looks at me, and my God, he's beautiful. More than he already is even without those expressions. Nowadays just kicking it and relaxing and I'm looking at him like "Dam this boy". Now looking me right in the eyes with his crooked smile and knowing that he in fact has me nervous and under his thumb, because there was a time that he discovered he gets me there. These moments, if they are all I am blessed to have with him in my lifetime, are truly all I want and love. So now I'm in love without ever having to admit it to anyone.. to him. Love him because I want to. Yes sadness hurts, without a source of the pain, it really hurts bad. The tears flow. However.. Yes .. Happiness hurts too. The tears they flow. He makes me happy.. and it hurts so good. #heisbeautiful

And I swear his smile was intoxicating. The way his eyes fall on me with that smile.🖤

Ugh yes! I needed this!🖤

Now I'm filled to the top with fear because it's all just a bunch of matter. 'Cus if you're not really here I don't want to be either. I want to be next to you. Black and gold, black and gold. Black and Gold. #blackandgold

Did that suicidal girl a favor and killed her ass. Taking over was the best decision. Truly there is a possibility of rebirth. Whoever you knew before is dead and gone. I'm not someone you take lightly now. I'm simply not her anymore. #comebacktoearth

To be very honest I felt so much negativity from my Instagram. Like I seriously have never sat and thought how stupid it really is. Really how stupid all of it is. I'm going to be doing some writing to get my head straight. I've always been really good at laying it all out with written word. I'm hoping this won't make me feel that negative energy anymore.

#gif

I don't put expectations for anyone to care or understand. I'm still gonna do whatever I want. I'm just going to write and those that read that's cool those that don't it's all good. I may joke a lot about things that I know not everyone finds funny, however I choose to express myself the best way I can. I feel that no one knew the person I grew with. From when I started college this boy was just such an amazement to me. Not many people can relate to all his music, but I can say there is bound to be one that you didn't know about that will surprise you because he was a great artist not just a rapper. Seems as though the weakest minds have the strongest words. So willing to share what's real with them even though their reality is filled with these dark thoughts most people tend to hide or shrug off. It's been difficult to watch the people that get you through hard times just give up. Imagine buying a ticket to see your star just to find you never will. Imagine wanting to see several of your stars and they go out. Be grateful you get to anticipate going to see your star and anticipate what they're going to do next. If you got this far I seriously challenge you to watch this live show in London he did. Promise it's worth every second and you'll see the talent that was very underrated and has gone unrecognized other than the artist that did know him and his talent as an artist. #nationalmentalhealthday https://www.instagram.com/p/Bow_QYFALx5fdr_L4WSLD8wLI6Kdt3smzvPBt80/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1otwm7tkambsi

#nationalmentalhealthday

I’d walk through fire, I’d walk through glass I’d do my best so I could ask that burning question How did we get here🖤 https://www.instagram.com/p/BonMs1qAdHNOrpRx9SV8XsG5N2ARXdQeXUmafw0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=11ymtno9js6ut

Keep it 100 I'd rather you trust me than to Love Me🖤💯 https://www.instagram.com/p/BokozRSA3_N9eFrcklWs0u2Xd2hzl96ibOBXrU0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=190no2d0qjftu

"I don't understand, help me please"🖤 https://www.instagram.com/p/Bog5V0qgeJ-1puEkriYdpmmDMT9f-yxXTm8gJI0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=4de1f321t9l6

Dance Yrself Clean It's your show😘🖤 https://www.instagram.com/p/BoebOApALCda9fi-z0xkjRx3uGnZutuRrAK9ks0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=d1m92rj9d957

I don't need nobody I don't need to be nobody I'm just doing my thing Kick it at the crib I don't see nobody no So over there with that bullshit We don't need it on this side I'm pulling up in that new shit You always whippin that dick ride🖤 https://www.instagram.com/p/BocBn5iHl1Yy9Yle0DrMnAErDSy6sgSYtePyog0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=897ygdiwmwpx

I saw a living legend last night. He said "I love you. You all feel that you need me, but I'm the one who needs you. I do this for you. I love you all"🖤 https://www.instagram.com/p/BoZS-7-HI77uR6m-pFEPpl_jSLHdcQaxOQn3Xk0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1y1ikb34gihx0

Fuckin the best show so far. I will now disconnect from all this bullshit until February, thanks for nothing😁🖤 https://www.instagram.com/p/BoYYJpinhcPfd3plZKQkRXhmpyjIGTnKiyxTH40/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=tmvhx4xxo8vu

I'm too high, you can't reach me with the cell phone No goodbyes, no hellos You don't want this life I live You'd rather had the wife and kid🖤 https://www.instagram.com/p/BoXBw-uAxR6Dw-oZlL-Ew5mjOl2S0UNUMjETMk0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=rjrbr6pp208e

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