merci pour le venin

sam / 26

[movinglaciers]

can anyone lmk when life is supposed to get good bc im 28 and keep waiting to feel like im happy or that I even have my shit together a little bit and it’s just feeling like I never ever will

I think the truth is I need to get out of this shithole city and move anywhere but here but I don’t know where to go or how to go. my life is here!!! I just don’t know if the city is making me miserable or if it’s just me. me and my misery. but I feel how angry this city has made me anytime I visit home. it’s given me a chip on my shoulder that wasn’t there before. I want to go home but I want to go somewhere else but how do you just start over. is it worth it to blow up my life???

I want to try antidepressants again but honestly I don’t want the sexual side effect I don’t want to feel tired all the time I don’t want to get even more fat!!!!! I just want to sleep for the rest of my life!!!

[heyyyjpg]

[movinglaciers]

I live in philly and always say how much I love it but I am sitting in the bedroom at my grandmas house that i’ve stayed in for 25 years when I visit just bawling thinking about going back to the city. opening my blinds and seeing green. driving through the rolling hills. my heart hurts having to leave today. I avoid coming home because of the heartache. I don’t know what to do from here

[movinglaciers]

I don’t wanna get my hopes up too soon but woooo do I feel good ab this guy im seeing. last guy Id be so anxious asking to hang out once per week bc it felt like too much and this guy said he’s free sunday or tuesday and I said well…both? and he said he’d love to do that and just. it feels so nice to have someone like me and reciprocate it!!!! using this as my manifestation space that he’s gonna be my boyfriend

[movinglaciers]

literally to the extent when I suggested this I was like “idk maybe this is freakish to suggest you don’t event have to decide now i’m just throwing it out there.” and he said “ok well I guess i’m a freak then because i’d love that” UGHHH

[movinglaciers]

nah cuz why I just ruin it

[movinglaciers]

I don’t wanna get my hopes up too soon but woooo do I feel good ab this guy im seeing. last guy Id be so anxious asking to hang out once per week bc it felt like too much and this guy said he’s free sunday or tuesday and I said well…both? and he said he’d love to do that and just. it feels so nice to have someone like me and reciprocate it!!!! using this as my manifestation space that he’s gonna be my boyfriend

[movinglaciers]

literally to the extent when I suggested this I was like “idk maybe this is freakish to suggest you don’t event have to decide now i’m just throwing it out there.” and he said “ok well I guess i’m a freak then because i’d love that” UGHHH

[mpregeminem]

Six Feet Under (2001 - 2005)

[movinglaciers]

I don’t wanna get my hopes up too soon but woooo do I feel good ab this guy im seeing. last guy Id be so anxious asking to hang out once per week bc it felt like too much and this guy said he’s free sunday or tuesday and I said well…both? and he said he’d love to do that and just. it feels so nice to have someone like me and reciprocate it!!!! using this as my manifestation space that he’s gonna be my boyfriend

[horror-aesthete]

The Wicker Man, 1973, dir. Robin Hardy

[petaltexturedskies]

Anaïs Nin, from The Voice

[username9374822]

[movinglaciers]

guy i’m seeing couldn’t meet me out at the bar last night but we have plans tuesday and he said “counting down the hours until tuesday tho…46 rn”

yeah i’m so down bad never swooned so hard, he got me smiling at my phoneeeeee

needed to date a tru lover boy ig

[orkyydorky]

this too shall pass

[orkyydorky]

HURRY UP

[movinglaciers]

whyyyyy am I still not over my 2 month long situationship dumping me when we’ve been apart almost as long as we were together

[movinglaciers]

i can’t believe im so torn up over being dumped by someone that wasn’t my boyfriend and I only knew for 3 months but fuck. I liked this guy more than I liked my ex or 2.5 years. i’ve never felt a connection like this. the same niche interests. being able to talk for legitimately 10 hours straight with no lulls or awkwardness. the only guy who’s ever called me beautiful, and made me believe I was. the only guy who has ever made me feel so comfortable that I was able to be present during sex. it was all so easy with him. it took me 26 years to find this and it was gone in 5 minutes. im devastated! I miss him so much. we shared so much in common that just my daily routine makes me think of him. I’ve never been more heartbroken

it’d be one thing if we were just fucking, but we only had sex two times. every other time was legit dates, holding hands to from and during going to see a movie, going to the bar, cooking dinner, dancing in my living room, drunkenly singing poorly on my couch and talking about anything and everything. talking about future dates - im talking like summer time. im so guarded and when I finally allowed myself to think this was really something, after he micro dosed boyfriend on me and built me lego roses for valentine’s day. after he called me amazing and said a saturday spent with me is the best saturday he could have, after we went to the art museum and shared our favorite pieces. he changes up on me. it was never about the sex and I don’t understand why things changed all of the sudden. I didn’t see this coming at all and im just so so sad and lonely. something was finally good in my life.

[movinglaciers]

I got dumped today

I am so jaded with dating

why 2 days ago did HE INITIATE SEX when he said he knew for WEEKS now that he didn't have feelings for me

I feel so used

[movinglaciers]

I really annoy the fuck out of myself omfg!!!! I've been dating someone for like a month now, and it's so good, but I have such anxious attachment problems that my whole day will be ruined if he takes a while to text me bc it feels like the world is ending. and I think it's mostly because we havent had a talk about being exclusive and blah blah blah so I feel like he can ghost me at any moment. last night he came over around like 6, we hung out, went to see a movie, and he stayed over night and walked me to work and talks about doing things in the future, and the second he left i've been so depressed I could cry ever since. I hate how fragile I feel, and i'm not going to tell him this at htis point because we're not exclusively dating (tho im sure he's not seeing anyone else.) he left at 10am and its not even been 4 hours and i'm freaking out thinking it's over because I haven't heard from him. I dont evn have anyythning to say either bc I JUST saw him but I am bugging!!! he literally said last night about going to see a movie w me that doesnt open ubtil MARCH, and said something this morning about "oh once it's spring blah blah blha" but I still just can't wrap my head around the fact that he might actually like me. i'm devestatingly sad like we broke up or something for no reason!!! why am I like this!!!!!!!!!

[movinglaciers]

I think part of my issue is we had sex and im so scared of someone ghosting me once we're intimate yet again. like feeling used. and this dude hasnt dated anyone in a few years so I have this irrational fear that he's using me to get to the person he really wants and to feel more confident. which isnt fair to say!! ugh

[movinglaciers]

I really annoy the fuck out of myself omfg!!!! I've been dating someone for like a month now, and it's so good, but I have such anxious attachment problems that my whole day will be ruined if he takes a while to text me bc it feels like the world is ending. and I think it's mostly because we havent had a talk about being exclusive and blah blah blah so I feel like he can ghost me at any moment. last night he came over around like 6, we hung out, went to see a movie, and he stayed over night and walked me to work and talks about doing things in the future, and the second he left i've been so depressed I could cry ever since. I hate how fragile I feel, and i'm not going to tell him this at htis point because we're not exclusively dating (tho im sure he's not seeing anyone else.) he left at 10am and its not even been 4 hours and i'm freaking out thinking it's over because I haven't heard from him. I dont evn have anyythning to say either bc I JUST saw him but I am bugging!!! he literally said last night about going to see a movie w me that doesnt open ubtil MARCH, and said something this morning about "oh once it's spring blah blah blha" but I still just can't wrap my head around the fact that he might actually like me. i'm devestatingly sad like we broke up or something for no reason!!! why am I like this!!!!!!!!!