Sleeping Draught || Self Para
She knew that she only needed a drop or so would be able to make her fall asleep. And as long as she could at least shut her eyes without seeing her brothers faces, that was all she wanted. Even though she knew her father would look down on her for taking the Sleeping Draught and not just coming to him for help, she didn't care. Tammy had been looking up different sleeping spells in her books for a while, but this was supposed to give you a dreamless sleep. Which was what she so desperately wanted.
It was a good thing that she’d taken the potion while on her bed, because barely even a second later she’d fallen back, asleep on her bed. In her mind was a black nothingness that she'd missed. But soon she felt like there was wind on her face and she realized she was flying. Although it was on a broom, not all on her own. She couldn't help but smile at herself, she’d missed this sensation, and playing quidditch. But both reminded her of her brother Timmy who’d met an early end. Plus, her father had banned her from playing the sport. He thought it was to dangerous for children to be playing. She’d listen to him go on rants for hours about how there should be a safer alternative version for the students to be playing. But that would take all the fun out of it.
Slowly more people started to join her. And she realized that it was her old team. It was familiar, everyone around her. Soon it dawned on her that they were in the middle of a game. Not just any game, but against Ravenclaw. It didn't take her long to figure out what was going on. But, it was almost as if her body wasn't doing what she wanted. She wanted to stop the game. She wanted to grab her brother and leave. She wished that she wasn't being forced to stay there and be the keeper while her brother was out there about to die.
And then it happened. Her brother went up and up, chasing the other keeper for the ball. And then she just saw him falling. She chased after him. Faster and faster. Willing herself to catch up, she had to catch up. But he just kept going faster and faster until he hit the ground.
Her father had been watching the game, as he did for everyone they had. So he’d already run out into the field. Rushing, he started to help him. She’d never seen her father so frantic. Tammy followed as they raced to the Hospital Wing where they'd have more supplies. But by the time they got there it was too late. They tried resuscitating him but it didn't work. Nothing worked. He was gone.
And then she was up. Sitting her her bed crying, sweating, breathing heavily. It was her worst nightmare yet. But looking out her window she saw the sun slowly rising. She’d actually slept through the night. None of that mattered though because she was never taking the potion again. She threw it against the wall, waking one of her roommates. But all of them knew not to bother her when she was like this.
She stomped into the bathroom in order to get some privacy. Washing her face off, she took deep breathes in order to calm herself. She had to keep it together. If not for herself, but for her father. That way he wouldn't worry. He wouldn't blame himself for not saving his son in time. Although Tammy knew it was her fault, she should have caught him. She should’ve been quicker. If only she was a seeker, then she would've been out there. And she would've been fast enough to catch him. She would still have a brother. Even though she wanted both of them back. They were parts of her that were just gone now.
Like their mother, whom they still don't know if she’s dead or alive. If she's living a happy life with another family. They never did find out. Tammy wished that they’d known. At least for her brother's sake. And for her, so that she could attend her own children's funerals. Which was something no parent should have to endure. Especially not by themselves like her father had to. Even though Tammy had lost 2 brothers, her father lost 2 sons. Which was something she hoped she would never have to go through herself. Everyday she wondered to herself how he can still smile. Still goes to work like he’s supposed to. Let’s his daughter out of his sight ever. She doesn't know how he does it because if she’s barely holding it together herself.
