@mr-lark - Tumblr Blog

Ich denke es ist, solange man keine Schulden macht, gut keine Skrupel zu haben das Geld rauszuschmeißen für Erlebnisse mit Freunden, Mobilität, ausgewogenes Essen, Bücher, coole studentische Kleidung, kreative Projekte und Trinkets. Irgendwann ist man tot, nech? Ich will so wenig wie möglich an Sachen wie Geld denken. Wenn man Freunde hat, braucht man keine krassen Rücklagen. Und als Student sollte man ohnehin nicht erwarten von dem Minimum dass die Eltern einem geben müssen Rücklagen machen zu können. Da ist es schon besser nicht an den Reisekosten bei Freundschaftsbesuchen zu knausern und gerne auch mal ordentlich mit Kommilitonen was trinken zu gehen — die Karte dreimal rauf und runter bestellen würde ja eh, bevor es am Konto zu spüren ist, daran scheitern, dass es nicht in den Magen hineinpasst. Außerdem ist es wohl motivierender etwas zu unternehmen wenn man sich eine chillige Zeit macht statt etwa aus Knausrigkeit zu hungern da man sich den Bahnhofspreisen verwehrt. Etc

Had a very productive Saturday. Got up slightly ahead of noon. Brought out the rubbish and watched the first 3 Twilight films. I cooked myself something with vegetables in it. Now there’s burnt shoyu sticking in my pan.

I call it mindless overconsumption, but it’s just me in the dark eating, like, an apple, a square of chocolate and three handfuls of almonds very quickly because I told myself dinner is for sissies and turns out that’s not how it works. I should’ve internalised by now that defining food consumption as weakness doesn’t … darn it.

I have a theory that places are more likely to have a tea culture when the tap water is really shit (like in the UK and Russia). Places where the tap water is safe but tastes a little like swimming pool will have more people who say they „hate water" and prefer soda, but when the tap water is a downright abomination an active, everyday tea drinking culture will emerge, because it's a more neutral and cheap (and historically available) way of getting liquid in when the tap water as it is is basically unsafe to consume

I often feel like I'm faking the autism and I'm truly nothing at all (I see diagnoses as pragmatic tools, like „working definitions of certain clusters of human consciousnesses", and based on my past corrosive principles working with a pragmatic, provisional, vaguely accurate working definition would be „against protocol " (like l'm the FBI or something)) • (Another issue is that in many contexts saying “I have autism” isn’t helpful at all because [identity, what the hell does it even mean, talk about specific experiences, sometimes people will find you shit for what is essentially “autistic” and other times people who don’t give a shit about modern psychology will actually relate to you and be incredibly nice which wouldn’t be possible if you were just flailing the identitarian big words])

Ist es nicht faszinierend dass „wertfrei“ und „wertlos“ so unterschiedliche Bedeutungen haben? Eine Beobachtung explizit ohne Urteil, und ein ausgesprochenes bloßes vernichtendes (Un)Wert(s)urteil. Mir scheint, wertfrei meint eigentlich „bewertungsfrei“, und wertlos „ohne essenziellen/intrinsischen Wert“. Dabei würde man doch glauben dass -frei und -los in etwa die gleiche Funktion haben.

I don’t need to remove myself from my writing, I need to romove my ego from my self. (An ever evolving, ambiguous, only vaguely person-shaped self, just to be …..”clear” ahahahahah). That is to say: it is very fine to act as a human person, but it is unpleasant when the human person is driven by some sort of destructive impulses. Just act like you believe you’re a person, act like a human person who believes in kindness. Maybe that is a functional guidance for my actions….#pragmatism

I find it interesting, and I don't know if this is accurate because I don't know shit and haven't read much at all and understood even less, but it seems to me that what logicians (specifically logical positivists) were trying to do to language is very similar to what I was trying to do to my very life. A reduction to elegance, a stripping away of anything that isn't strictly speaking “true", so it leaves you with nothing that makes it HUMANLY inhabitable. And I think this is why logical positivism at once resonates with me, but I also get slightly mad that men so much smarter than I could ever fathom myself to be could stay at it for so long and write so many many words when it takes only a teenage girl trying to LIVE reductive logical elegance to find out that it is horrid, indeed. It seems they didn't even try to live their philosophy, which seems a common problem in the analytic tradition.

Is it depression or is it a character flaw. Deep Blue question

I have been very interested in what makes a question „valuable“, and question asking as a skill more generally, for a long time. I have some vague ideas, but it would probably be fruitful to engage with other people‘s ideas… I‘m interested in most angles of the topic, really, but as a reference to clarify what got me personally hooked I want to mention that for me it is 1. I get the impression that much paper and energy is wasted on undeserving (questionable choice of a word) questions because people do not pause and consider the impact of the quality of a question and only focus on the answer — but sometimes an answer is rubbish simply because the question was rubbish already 2. there are structurally nonsensical questions that introduce unjustified axioms. Examples: what is the good life? Can there be goodness without God? … I am probably not communicating this well, sadly, and I hope I can improve my clarity of communication in the future… but to try my best: my argument is that in the examples above the question assumes very much already, and upon answering people don‘t hedge sufficiently. „What is the good life“ assumes there is a good life and we must find it. It is a shit question. Even just tweaking it to ask „ what is A good life“ would help immensely, but it is never done. It is unbelievable to me that a question such as „what is the good life“ is seriously posed this way as a part of university philosophy curricula. The second example „can there be goodness without God“ is similarly nonsensical. No one knows what goodness and God ARE, so answers depend solely on the way a person will define their terms. It is term juggling and nothing beyond. …all this just to say that I am looking for literature about Questions

The joy of living alone is the joy of not being judged and talked down on by my dad whom I love dearly and whose more dysfunctional character traits therefore have a great impact on my mental state

Going online is like going on an involuntary field trip to the United States of America and having the digital equivalent of a Cheeto McFlurry shoved down your throat like you’re a force fed Thanksgiving turkey

I need to come to terms with my strange flavour of bourgeois guilt. It is strange, because I would more realistically box my family into the educated lower-to-middle middle class. But one, in the social circles I grew up in I ended up literally being bullied for “being poor”, which didn’t actually damage me much but filled me with a strange out of place working class pride. And at the same time I am so grateful for all the opportunities I have, I feel dirt rich, I literally box myself into one category with the Royal family and Rockerfeller. I feel so damn rich, the world is my oyster type rich, like a complete posh lordling who owns Oxford and all the designer drugs in it. It is like a grandiose feeling of all consuming gratitude where owning several wool jumpers and having a large jar of my uncle’s honey in the cupboard and a, in my aggrandising perception, very large collection of funky stickers and DIYed jewellery feels perfectly equivalent to owning Gringotts and like ten mansions and a few skyscrapers in NYC. I AM DIRT RICH — except I am not, but I still feel incredibly guilty about having drowned all those orphans in my cobalt mines. Which, hopefully needless to say, is something I have never actually done and probably wouldn’t even do if I had the opportunity.

The weather is lovely, but I feel rather unenthusiastic about going out. Turns out, that’s not a huge problem when I’m not being shamed for it. I haven’t physically left my room today, and it’s peaceful.

Lmao just came across an article from a page called timesnownews.com that called The Sorrows of Young Werther a forgotten bestseller. I could be irritated, but this actually put me in such a good mood…this is oddly humorous…damn, lol.

I remember some parts of tonight’s dream. It was in English, I was delivering a stand up bit in front of a live audience. I was telling a “real” story of me being in the US and a flamboyant man with a thick southern accent handing me a forged passport with the words “so you’re not illegal anymore”, all the while he was making the most pinched sour face imaginable. The passport was also for a fat, black, muslim man in his forties and the name was very odd. But I forgot it, as well as the rest of the dream. (The name was short and unfitting though, something like Pad Moe or something idk)

Google schlägt mir Artikel vor mit Titeln wie „Wissenschaft im Umbruch: dididi markiert den Beginn einer neuen Ära“„ ‚Ich verstehe nicht wie Menschen jetzt ihr Leben einfach normal weiterleben können‘ XY im Interview“, „Die Krise spitzt sich zu…“. Es scheint eine Sichtweise zu reflektieren von der ich auch an anderer Stelle bereits irritiert Notiz genommen habe, es scheint also nicht bloß eine Masche sensationalistischen journalistischen Stils zu sein. Mir scheint gewisse Menschen aller Epochen haben eine Art Umbruchs-Fetisch, einen Drang „die aktuelle Weltlage“ immer als die unbegreiflichste, dramatischste und überhaupt allerschlimmste darzustellen. Ich lamentiere auch regelmäßig in theatralischer Ernsthaftigkeit über das ein oder andere. Aber ich verstehe nicht diesen Glauben an das eine Umbruchsmoment nach dem alles ganz anders und geradezu apokalyptisch werden soll. Es ist eine eigenartige Sicht für die sich eher psychologische Erklärungen als tatsächliche Argumente finden lassen, wie mir scheint.

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