It took almost a full year for me to fully feel comfortable in the classroom. That in itself is quite typical for volunteers, but I think my process of reaching that level may have been a bit different from the norm. After weeks of feeling like I was accomplishing nothing in the classroom and just blaming my student’s apathy, I stumbled across the blog of the previous volunteer. She struggled through many of the same challenges I was facing and I realized that the problem was not just that I was inexperienced and under qualified (though I was and arguably still am); it was deeper than that. It is true, I had much to change myself, but the problem was less that I was a bad teacher or even a bad person, but I was not meeting my students where they were. Enlightened, I decided to look deeper into the root of cause; see what the rest of that “iceberg” we talked about during PST.
I began with the teachers. Starting here was quite disheartening. I learned that most teachers are teachers because “the job is easy and the vacations are long”. Sometimes I was told the students were stupid. I simply couldn’t believe it. True or not, that wouldn’t get me through the rest of my service. Delving a bit deeper, I learned a lot about Chinese students’ lives up until they enter college. From the early morning to late at night, their lives are pre-scheduled and run on a strict routine of study, study, study. I deduced that this lead to two things in the students. First, they are accustomed to and work best when things are laid out in a clear and structured manner. Whether or not they did poorly on the gaokao, they all are very familiar with the idea of a routine. Secondly, the idea of the power of choice was quite new to them. They are still expected to attend every class and have little power of the classes they choose, but the penalties for truancy are much lighter, and for the most part, they believe their futures to be set. Thus, whatever they do during this time won’t really change the outcome of their future. I also heard that many are happy to finally “relax” now that the gaokao is over.
With a better idea of where the students were coming from, I went directly to them to find out what they were looking for. I asked as many students as I could what they thought of their other foreign teachers and what they learned. The answers here weren’t very useful either and tended to be the same: the teachers were beautiful/handsome and played a lot of games. Occasionally, adjectives like “friendly” and “encouraging” were thrown around, but the students never could remember anything they learned or could speak of any impact their previous teachers had on their lives. It is important to note that I did these interviews in Chinese so that their English language levels would not be an issue. Now I can’t speak to the actual ability of the teachers, yet regardless of whatever kinds of teachers they really were, this is what their legacy has become. It was very important to me that I wouldn’t be remembered the same way; that my legacy would be less shallow. Thus, I formed my semesters around a central goal: boosting confidence. This sometimes led to some interesting conversations in the classroom and students would say some outrageous things about people or places they’ve never seen or been to. I do not believe that it is my place to try to change anyone’s mind on things I may not agree with, but as their teacher it was hugely important to me that they think about their beliefs. I asked them: why do you believe what you believe? If after giving something serious thought and they come to the conclusion that this belief does fall within their values and works for them, versus blindly accepting it because of “tradition”， I did not question it. Typically, when I poked holes in arguments for hating Japanese people or against homosexuality, I could see little light bulbs go off in my students heads when they realize their arguments were, at best, uninformed.
It took a long time, but I came to the conclusion that it is up to me as a teacher to take the time and effort to first determine where their students are both mentally and technically. They really do pick up on your own energy and whatever attitude you bring to the classroom. Initially, despite how many times I was warned not to, I brought with me the idea that my students at site would be like my students during model school- eager to learn and equipped with at least decent English. For a whole semester I tried to repeat the successes I found in model school and found limited success. In the second semester when I started to finally accept that this was a very different environment, the students began to respond to me. The largest changes were stricter and more consistently enforced rules mostly concerning cell phone use and attendance. They really respond to, and sometimes appreciate, a stricter and more firm hand from their teacher.
I’ve never been good at posting but as my service comes to a close, I believe it is important to reflect on where I’ve been so that moving forward I can continue to grow and get the most I can out of life.
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