Mssmrphs Unwritten

A variety of the things I wrote in the past seven to eight years, or so. Things that would otherwise, in all likelihood, never see the light of day. Most of it is my own writing (some of it reposted from my other blogs), but there are also quotes from other people of things I happen to find absolutely stunning. And of course, the occasional picture <3 Please keep in mind that most of my own writings are old(er) and do not represent current stories, ships or characters. Most storylines have long been rewritten since then.

[mssmrphsunwritten]

And what would you do - if you could do everything? Which bridge would you burn, what place would you go? What if you are made for someone, and your destiny is written in the stars, but you cannot be together - because life is not easy, and love does not come for free. What if you have to bleed in order to be whole. How much pain could you take? How much dark nights would you endure?

mssmrphs

[mssmrphsunwritten]

We dance in shadows. We howl as the light comes. We know no other way to voice our concern, or save our sorrows.

mssmrphs

[mssmrphsunwritten]

I once knew a boy who had bled so many times, that he no longer cared for pain. I once knew a boy who rather be bitten than ignored. I once knew a boy who had nothing to lose - and everything to gain. I once knew a boy with salted water in his veins, and ashes of burnt ships in his nose. I once knew a boy who held darkness on a string, and brightness on a thought.  I once knew a boy made of ice shards and scars, who could not care less for the world - but did rather sail than die.

[mssmrphsunwritten]

Don’t be mean for the solemn purpose of being mean. It doesn’t look good on anyone.’

mssmrphs

[mssmrphsunwritten]

A sudden yearning in my bones leaves me breathless. She is not looking at me, but how do I wish she was. I groan and her gaze shifts - lands on me. Far more than her eyes on me, I can feel her soul brushing against mine. I can’t remember how to breathe.

Those eyes are ageless, ancient, eyes. She is younger than me, but as River has proven to me before, the night lands leave a person changed. In the darkness everything changes, stretches, because there are no limitations between the stars.

I lean in to her fragrance - only to be rudely interrupted by a knock on the door. I freeze mid-movement. Neither her gaze nor her focus leaves mine, but my mind wandered the moment those knuckles landed on the door.

I know who it is.

I know can send him away.

I know am in the position to send him away.

But I can’t.

I have lost too many people to send away the few that might truly leave me when I do so. I would be deserving of it. Playing nice has never been my strong suit, and I repaid loyalty with dishonour one too many times.

I tell him he can come in. But not for a minute, not for a second, I do lean away away from that ravishing girl in front of me. I want him to see me - her. I want him to see - know - what he has interrupted.

I can feel the tension in his mind as he walks in. He is not enough in control of his emotions to prevent a single thought from slipping through: She is poison for you.

The right kind - I cut my telepathic retort short as all the emotions behind that statement catch up with me. All the things he is feeling, all the thoughts he doesn’t even bother to phrase inside his own mind. But most of all: so many memories of us. So many things I never noticed. or bothered to remember.

All the times we fought.

All the arguments we had.

They shift and fall - one after another. In these memories about us I am not only there in our fights. I am there in front of our friends, and our enemies. In front of court. Next to my brother, Sky. Next to my once lover, Seth. Next to our king, River. Perhaps not as much as seen, he has always noticed me.

In the beginning there is indifference. Then, as we meet and get acquainted, dismay, sometimes lined with disgust and even hatred. There is a lot of fights during this period. But no matter how bad they get, no matter all his other feelings, there is always, always, admiration.

Together we fall through other memories. We fight less, talk more, plan battles and conquer wars together. Disgust is replaced by amusement, and a deep running sense of loyalty. Through all these moments the hatred fades, and is replaced with something else -

I cut off our connection so quickly it is painful.

I can’t face his feelings for me without recognising my own. And I am not ready to venture down there, nor am I sure I ever want to be. I do have to recognise, however, that ‘she is poison for you,’ is not a thought born out of dislike of her. It is born out of genuine concern for my well-being. I would even go as far as to say he might be right to assume he knows me better than I know myself. Not that I would ever recognise to his face.

[mssmrphsunwritten]

D: I’d rather be a thief than a magician. And I’d rather be oblivious than truly powerful.

M: Why?

D: That monster inside your chest, it will always be yearning for more. It waits and waits, and it will never be satisfied - the more you will give it, the hungrier it will grow. Given the choice, I’d rather not eat at all, than be hungry all my life.

[mssmrphsunwritten]

Some of us have always been destined for greatness. We might achieve it through others, through the touch of dragons or kings, but most of all we achieve it through ourselves. Through our own dedication - because we know, that if we are persistent enough, the world will yield. Gods will bow. Not your past, nor your future, will ever change the way I feel about you. What I see in you, is connected to one thing only: you. Together, we will write history. Not because you met a dragon - but because you screamed at the stars. And the stars, they answered.

[mssmrphsunwritten]

No one ever taught me how to be soft. And I was certainly not born gentle.

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

Dreaming is a language;

Yves Bonnefoy, from Selected Prose & Collected Writings; “Seven Fires,” (via violentwavesofemotion)

[mssmrphsunwritten]

Am I the only one who feels like I am just writing fan fiction for the stories I made in my own head?

[mssmrphsunwritten]

I will find you

‘Don't worry, my starry sister, I will find you.’ His eyes, golden like his skin, his hair, his heart, are blazing. When I reply it is with joy, because I know of course he will. We are bounded by so much more than blood.

***

‘Don't worry, my starry sister, I will find you.' Tumbling from his lips I can't be sure this to be a threat or a promise. I don’t want to know. The night is alluring for all of his darkness - not his stars.

***

‘Don’t worry, my starry sister, I will find you,’ she whispers.

'I know,' I say, as softly, tears streaming down my face. 'That is always the trouble. Nothing ever good came out of finding me.'

[mssmrphsunwritten]

What do you do when you love a king?

mssmrphs

[mssmrphsunwritten]

‘Ah, little wild cat,’ I tell her, ‘but I have been here since before you were born - well before you were born. Who are you to think that you know more about this world than I do?’

She stares at me with those big golden eyes, her gaze glorious, and her smile wicked. I love the expression she wears. It reminds me, well, of me - the me of a long time ago, when I still could shoulder the world, and face all my fears.

Because I had so little.

The gods are with the wicked, or so they say. Well, the gods can sleep for all eternity, for all that I care - I got a dragon instead. I can tell you, it makes up for a lot.

‘These lands,’ I pick up, ‘they haven’t always been burnt. There was a time when the fires didn’t rage. I know you have been taught to treasure your precious woods, but there used to be a time that most of these lands were only covered with endless emerald forests and sapphire oceans.’

I smirk, a sting of sudden cold is harassing my insides. ‘Now you dance on the ashes of what used to be. I can hardly blame you.’

Her chin comes up, she gifts me another one of her fierce smiles. She is brave, this kid, but not for all the reasons she might know. ‘You used to do the same?’ she asks, ‘before you’d all grow up and became this stifle and boring adult?’

I don’t think anyone has ever dared to describe me as boring, myself least of all. Regardless, I smile, I can appreciate her heart - although she seems to be thoughtless in her efforts to be brave. Like most children, perhaps. ‘No. No. I never danced for the world that was burned. Because I know what it was done for.

‘For I was the one to set it aflame.’

[geyashvecova]

Design graphics Geya Shvecova (BLUE_GOLD_STARS_280219)

[mssmrphsunwritten]

Yes. I am angry. Rage and me get along quite well. It is the only thing I can handle moderately okay. It’s the only emotional state that actually makes me feel like I am alive. The remainder of the time I am just consumed by all those other emotions I cannot deal with. If you think I am taking this badly, just wait till you see me at my worst. I promise you, you are not man enough to face that. What you have seen so far is a mere fire; wait for the hurricane that is yet to come.

mssmrphs

[mssmrphsunwritten]

He was blazing. Hot, dark, charming, addictive and toxic. But she had forgotten. He was not hers to take.

mssmrphs

[mssmrphsunwritten]

No mercy for no soldier

'Hired? I thought you meant created? Who is your moth-'

If she could, she would have hissed – or screamed, but the air was struck from her lungs by the impact of her body against the wall. The pain hit her like steel needles cutting through bones - her entire being trembled.

She opened her mouth, feeling like chocking, not able to fill her lungs with fresh air. Terrified she gazed up at him, met his cold gaze through the mirror. He hadn't moved a single inch.

He didn't even seem to be bothered by the fact he easily could have broken every single bone in her body. In his cold eyes she tried to find the hatred which had made him throw her through the room, but she found only disintrest.

She knew it was not up to her judge him, but she couldn’t help to scramble for an connection. Within her there remained this deep yearning to understand him - to truly see him.

However, in the end it was her who had been created and him who had been born.

In the end she was nothing but a pawn in his life-sized chess game.