I C A R U S

priv. edward elric     penned by lucy

[mtlwngs]

Watching a video on youtube to wind down and the subject of alchemy comes up as a topic and out came

“I know Edward Elric...he was there.” “EQUIVALENT EXCHANGE!” “You can’t get more shit than you have!”

I’m dying.

[relatablepicsofedwardelric]

[xkryptonianx-deactivated2013093]

Send me a ★ if you think I accurately portray my muse

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M u s t a n g .

               A significant part of him was touched that Edward was concerned - that his concern brought him to shouting. It wasn’t going to be a possibility for a long while, and yet here he was arguing against it. Roy blamed his tiredness for his slip - he had never intended for Edward to know until it was too late. He knew that the young idiot (because he was still young and brash beneath that fatherly calm) would argue.

              “The country would descend into chaos, knowing how close we stood to total annihilation. Humans are smart, people are dumb.” He couldn’t afford mobs tearing into each other while he was trying to restore everything. More than anything, Roy wanted the best chances possible for all future generations. Peace could never last but he would do his best to fix what Father and Wrath had done.

              Roy leaned back into his office chair, hands coming apart to rest, relaxed, on the desk’s surface. “I don’t intend on throwing myself at the mercy of the people,” what little mercy that was, “until I’ve accomplished as much of other plans as I can.”

              “You have a beautiful, healthy family, Ed. Worry about them. Let me worry about fixing the country.”

How could he remain so CALM with what he was so sure he’d face? Even if it wasn’t for many years, it didn’t mean Ed had to ACCEPT it and neither did the General. There was still that instinct in him, welling up even after several years; an instinct to FIGHT against what he felt was an injustice. He’d gone toe to toe with ‘god’ and like hell he was going to back down when someone he held dear might be executed. Fight, fight, fight, something he hadn’t truly done in so long but that fire was still there.

❝   Yeah and there wouldn’t even BE a country if it weren’t for you! I might have stopped that bastard but you kept my ass alive for years before that and continued to fight even after what happened!   ❞   It was a true rarity for Ed to admit how the former Colonel had aided him, usually resorting to small jabs at the man rather than any admittance of gratefulness. But here he was and the new father couldn’t care LESS about it.

The realization to the extent of Mustang’s plans stung, bringing back that brazen personality, ready to act at a moment’s notice. 

❝   Remember Scar back then? How I would have let him KILL me if you and the others hadn’t intervened? I wouldn’t have a family to worry over if not for you and, according to Winry when she puts photos of you and everyone else on the board, you’re part of it as well, dammit.   ❞

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A l p h o n s e .

          THE SUDDEN hand on his head almost made him jump. He was too deep in thought to hear the other stand, to hear the shift of his automail leg against the flooring. The touch was comforting in a way; something he wished for in his loneliness. Though in his mixture of emotions he couldn’t describe, he wanted to reject the affection. Wanted to pull away and not allow the other to come close.

          BUT HE remained with his head in his knees, his breath hitching in his throat, smothering the sobs. Al always was the more emotional of the two, able to allow his tears to flow freely. He resented that part of him, despite telling himself if never made him weak. It was more exhausting than anything else.

          THE TEEN peered up, squinting in the darkness to try and see the other, but not even the moons light touched the inside of the room. The only other sound was the ticking of a small clock and his own sniffing. He wiped the tears away as best as he could, more replacing the ones he wiped before he took in a deep breath. Some kind of composer before facing him again, the other Ed.

                    “ We…  we  only have each other. In some sick  twisted                        fate, it’s just us. Two Elrics who don’t belong together,                        without  their  respective  brothers… What…  are  you                        going to do?”

          PART OF Al wanted to hear ‘go home’. Back to Resembool. Try to leave the world behind him to the only kind of family he had left and hold it tightly. Leave Al to wander the world, lost and confused. Perhaps that’s what he deserved for being greedy.

What was he going to do? Well that was the million cenz question, wasn’t it? Ed gave no answer, not right away. Instead his hand pulled away from Alphonse, fumbling into the darkness beside them for something unseen before he found it. A soft click and a light from the lamp ILLUMINATED the room. Golden eyes narrowed into squinting slits at the sudden shift in lighting but it appeared neither of them would be sleeping for a while. Why subject themselves to the darkness more when they were both already trapped in a METAPHORICAL darkness as well? 

❝   I dunno,   ❞   It was an honest answer from the young man as he sat down on the bed beside the alchemist. He’d return to the couch when and IF they did manage to find some semblance of tiredness and leave the bed to the other. Given how he was trapped as a suit of armour just as his own brother, why not allow him the cozier of the two options on the room?  ❝   Probably keep travelling. I don’t really have much back in Resembool now.   ❞

A flash of a blue eyed blonde girl and an old woman flashed in his mind before he shut it out. The only two people left waiting for him and a graveyard filled with three that he could no longer speak to, reach out to. The last REMNANT of their family. Everyone else had passed on one by one.

❝   I can’t use alchemy anymore but that doesn’t mean I can’t keep studying it. Pass on what I know to HELP others. It’s all I can really do. No home, no family———  I guess we’re the same, huh?   ❞  In their own ways, both were alone. One thrust into a world he didn’t belong in and the other losing his WHOLE WORLD, his own purpose to keep going on. Anyone that might be WAITING for him would move on in time, no need to worry.

[hotoldersistersofremnant]

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Send in a pairing or two, and I’ll tell you if I would ship it.

[mtlwngs]

M u s t a n g .

               He was constantly amazed by the quiet change in Edward. It reminded him of a time when he and his friend were young, the firm promise that had been made by his friend to keep moving forward and leave behind what had been done. While he doubted Edward could ever let himself forget, there was still a change in him.

              A corner of his mouth twitched, nearly a small smile at the young man’s quick defense. There was optimism in Edward. He always wanted to save everybody - Roy knew that some sacrifices would have to be made for the good of the country. He was willing. He’d accepted it when he first started towards becoming fuhrer.

              Except he soon was having to keep himself from flinching away from the name of his dead best friend. Riza knew his plan already. She would be fine - she believed in his vision. Roy folded his hands and leaned his chin onto them, ready for a debate. “Despite everything you’ve done, you don’t hold the power to pardon people,” his voice was dry. “Are you telling me that you don’t believe in due process? Brought before a jury, war crimes would be examined and punishment decided.” Death for the ‘Hero of Ishval’, likely.

❝   I believe that if it happens, that everyone should know the TRUTH. Including what happened THAT day!   ❞  came the shout. It wasn’t as if he had had a choice and Edward was aware of the REGRET that lingered in the man before him. And he had done so much to REPENT for those actions. Repent and regret; without him, there would be no one trying to piece the country of Ishval back together and the people left on their own to suffer in the slums still and they might not have even been alive in the first place.

His fingers dug into the arm of the couch, nails pushing into the fabric at the thought of the man being tried, of possibly being sentenced to DEATH. After all he had done, it was undeserving to say the least. He had already almost lost his sight, a sight set on the FUTURE and now it turned to his past actions. How unfair was it, how cruel was the world? He knew the name he was called.

Hero of Ishval. Almost mockingly. But a true HERO indeed.

❝   ——— Besides, I’ve been told I’ve always had a problem with AUTHORITY. I guess that goes with how some people are tried, too.   ❞

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M u s t a n g .

               Roy gave a crooked smile at Edward’s laughter, knowing the brief back and forth had the intended effect. It was good to see him lighten up, even as tired as he was. There had always been his concern that the things they had done to save the country - and the world in effect - would leave him scarred. If he was scarred, he did a decent job at hiding it to the outside world.

              “It’s not time so much as I have too much to do still,” he sighed. “There’s the matter of Ishval still being settled. Then I’m hoping my negotiation of a treaty with Xing will bolster me in the eyes of the people… And I still intend on pushing forward with the prosecution of war criminals who were in the Ishval war when I’m in power. That doesn’t exactly lend to having a child.” Especially since he was one of those war criminals who would be tried, and likely killed. But before then he intended on re-establishing parliament as the government - with a prime minister and elections.

Ed knew what he meant. Riza had mentioned it before and it caused him to give pause. WAR CRIMINALS. Some might see Roy the same way with the incidents of the Promised Day brushed under the rug and kept from the public.  His body straightened; funny how when he had been a state alchemist, a part of the MILITARY, he often slouched and so informal. But times had changed and the boy was a man now, a FATHER. Had it not been for Roy and the others, he would have never had the chance.

❝   ——— Yeah, but some of those CRIMINALS kept this country safe. Some——— DIED for it and sacrificed everything to make it right again.   ❞  Wouldn’t Hughes have been one of those criminals? He had served, probably KILLED; some events were still blurry to the former state alchemist and he knew not to dig further, afraid of what he might find. But he still remembered that man with his smiling face. Always smiling, something Ed had picked up on in the years that passed.

Smiling. Just smiling to keep his family from knowing the TRUTH of his burdens.

   ❝   I’d say that’s enough for a pardon or something. Or would you have Hawkeye and Hughes tried the same way?   ❞

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A l p h o n s e .

                    “ I never wanted–!”

          THE TEEN cut himself off. There was no point in arguing. It would only draw out the pain they both felt. The setting could’ve only been made more perfect if there had been rain on the other side of the window. Instead it was still, calm. Not a sound on the other side of the glass. Al almost wished there was rain. Some kind of soothing noise to fill in the empty pauses between exchanges.

          BUT FOR a moment, Al sat in silence, processing the image in his mind. Edward, this worlds Ed, had given up his life’s work, his entire reason for everything, the first pillar that started the chain reaction, for Al. For his Al. The pain only grew in his chest. His heart ached for his lose but in a way, he was aching for his own.

          ALPHONSE WASN’Tallowed to leave, least he want to cause another death. So he had to remain. With a brother that wasn’t his, with an Ed that probably resented him in that moment. The last time Al had felt so alone in the world was back in the suit of armour. He slowly brought his knees up to his chest and rested his head on them, a soft sob emitting before he could take in the air he needed for words.

                    “ I’m so sorry… I never should have ended up here. I                        never  should have bothered trying to come home                        but…  I wanted to see Winry, and Den, and Roy… I                        just… wanted to go home!”

He still fought, often finding himself in skirmishes in the west, but he lacked the protection of ALCHEMY. But his brother was gone, the person he had sacrificed EVERYTHING for. He’d known alchemy since he was a child and could barely remember a time before but none of that had mattered so long as he had his brother again. Everything he had slaved over, every moment he spent studying alchemy in order to HELP others was all in vain in the end. How could he when he didn’t even possess the ability to do so?

Edward’s lips parted to speak again when he heard the sob, eyes immediately DARTING in the direction of the sound though all he could make out was a faint silhouette in the darkness. Teeth grit together as the shock of the sound settled in. He recalled the sobs of his own brother, HOLLOW and echoing, a mere reflex even though he had been unable to cry. But this boy, he shed real tears.

And because of him.

There was no retort, no telling him he was wrong. Instead, there was the shifting of the blanket, the fabric falling to the floor as Ed swung his other leg off the sofa before rising to his feet. An unreadable face in the darkness. A hot wetness ran down his cheeks, his own reflex at the sound of crying. Of ALPHONSE crying. Had there been light, the young alchemist would have been greeted with his own shining tears, but, he was grateful for the darkness for now with only vague shapes visible.

One step and then another, drawing closer before his hand reached out and found the top of the other’s head. Some days he wanted to LASH OUT, to fight the world after all it had done to him. But now he was gentle, almost cautious as though the person was actually his brother.  

❝   I’m sorry, okay? I’m———  I’m sorry.   ❞

[mtlwngs]

I’ve never been more proud of myself.

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A l p h o n s e .

          A FLURRY of mixed emotions took over his body. Concerned, yet thought he was asleep, spoke to blow off steam. Al understood speaking aloud to oneself to ease the conscience, but it felt different. The tone he used, the context of what was spoken. It was accusatory, he knew it had to be. Placing the blame on someone, despite it being out of their control.

                    “ But it’s always easier to blame someone else for                        a problem you can’t fix…”

          SLIGHT ANGER filled the boy. Did he really have any right to angry? In a way he felt he did. He was blamed, given guilt for something Al would’ve prevented had be been given the choice.

          HE WANTED comfort, he wanted to seek it out, but he wanted his Ed most of all. A part of him wanted to go to the other, despite being peeved by his previous statement. But he had to stop himself from roaming in the darkness to find an Ed that wasn’t his. An Ed whose real brother had died months prior.

          BUT ONE thing stuck out. Without Alchemy. What could he have meant by that? Could this Ed no longer use Alchemy? Was that the other big difference? There were already so many things different with the world, why not add something worse.

                    “ What… do you mean you couldn’t send me back                        anyways? What happened to your Alchemy?”

❝   Well you were the one going into worlds you didn’t belong in!   ❞ His defense an offense, voice raising yet there was a CRACK in it, a crack in his surface. So often he tried not to talk about his brother in the first place and here they were prattling on about what might have CAUSED his death. Going months trying not to speak of it, of refusing to cry even at the funeral and setting back out the next day. Others might have seem him as HEARTLESS but some, they knew. They knew he was shutting them out, trying to PROTECT himself again, just as he had with their mother. But back then he had at least had his brother.

Now there was NO ONE. He hadn’t even spoken to Winry since the funeral and instead travelled with someone who was similar to his brother. Maybe it was pity for the other, knowing he knew no one else, or some sort of LONGING for what once was. Finding a silent comfort in him despite the differences. Not that he would admit it, not that he even REALIZED it.

The question caught him off guard. Months and months and the other hadn’t noticed? While Ed may have failed to bring it up, he thought this Alphonse surely knew. Not once had he performed alchemy, a science he had once relied on.  Somehow, it brought a smirk of amusement followed by a chuckle in such an inappropriate situation. Yet he couldn’t help but find some sort of deranged humour in it.

❝   I was going to die. I knew I was. Alphonse, he sacrificed his soul to Truth to get me back my arm. I thought I’d lost him. I didn’t know what to do, I thought he was gone. But then I gave it up. I gave up my ALCHEMY and brought him home, body and all. And now he’s gone and I’m just a former alchemist still studying it like it’s going to do any GOOD.  ❞  Pathetic was the word he’d use.

Still clinging to their philosophy, still trying to fix a world that continued to BREAK him at every twist and turn

[mtlwngs]

A l p h o n s e .

          THE SOFTER, less accusatory tone didn’t ease the guilt. Two worlds and two separate lives. The first was more of coincidence, as he was shot before Al even arrived, but this was entirely different. Al had at least been there a while. Somehow, Al felt as though he were the one to pull the trigger and take the life from the other Alphonse.

          WHAT WAS he to do in such a predicament? Ed was right. What if they did open a portal and he just ended another life too soon simply by existing? He brought his hands to his face and attempted to calm his breathing, calm the ill feeling in his chest. He dragged them down his face, allowing them to take the tears that still fell with them.

          HE COULDN’T handle the amount of pain that filled his gut. It almost made him feel nauseous.

                    “ I  don’t know… It was all a mistake to start with…  I                        never wanted any of this to happen… God it’s like                        when I first got brother back.”

          HE PRESSED his hands into his eyes, physically holding the tears back. The death of hundreds, the screams, it all came flooding back. His attempt to bring his brother home only caused devastation. Perhaps he should’ve just been content with his life in Germany, instead of being greedy and wanting more. Wanting to go home. Wanting something he had yet to obtain still.

Maybe he’d been putting it off. Deep down inside of him, he’d KNOWN the risks of sending this Alphonse back home, of possibly to another world by mistake once again. Maybe that was why he had barely put any EFFORT into finding a way back, constantly brushing off a lead. There was enough weight on his shoulders and the thought of possibly ending another life by sending him through some portal——— the RISK was far too great. So maybe subconsciously he had continually put more effort into his own research than into any that might help the other Elric.

CRUEL, perhaps, but not knowingly so. Besides, what was it to him? Edward could try to look at it selfishly, to disregard it all by saying it merely wasn’t his JOB to find a way back. Not his home, not his brother, not any of his business.

But that was far from the case because just hearing that VOICE, it was enough to send shivers down his spine. It was enough to cause him to shift, his automail leg hitting the ground as he nearly stood to comfort the other. But Edward was quick to STOP himself as he took a breath.

Not his brother. Not his brother.

❝   Look, I’m just———  CONCERNED. I know it’s not your fault and that you didn’t want it but it happened. What I said, I thought you were asleep. I was just trying to blow off steam. And it’s not like I can send you back anyways, not without alchemy.    ❞  

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A l p h o n s e .

@mtlwngs || cont.

          THE WORDS felt like knifes, cold steel piercing his gut. The blame that laced the sentence draped a cold sweat on Al’s form. He had known something was off for a while at that point, but Ed only confirmed his suspicion with his sleepless rambling.

          AL HAD found himself unable to sleep as well, laying atop the blankets and facing a wall. Though the sudden vocals caused him to jump slightly. He wasn’t aware Ed was still awake, and yet the blame sunk in so easily. Perhaps it was residual from their mother, or even the other Alfons.

          HE BELIEVED was Ed said. If he had not arrived in the wrong Amestris, his Alphonse would probably still walk and breathe and laugh. It was a cold hand clutching his heart, causing involuntary tears to form in the teens grey eyes. The pillow began to feel damp, causing Al to slowly sit up and face his accuser.

                    “ I  wish I could have controlled my fate. I would never                        have  ended  up here in the first place. This isn’t  my                        home. You’re not my Ed. I’m a foreigner in this world                        and I only seem to bring hurt…”

He expected the other to be asleep. It was the only reason the words had even slipped out in his half-asleep state, passing through without a filter as he assumed they would fall on deaf ears. But when the voice pierced the silence and through the darkness, a GUILT of his own began to well up in his chest. At first news of his brother’s passing, he hadn’t even considered it was due to the other’s appearance in their world. But as time passed, the meaning of EQUIVALENT EXCHANGE weighed on him to the point where he could no longer bottle it up inside of him, every day bringing a new ACHE in his heart as he tried.

The words weren’t meant to be heard and yet they had been. The CRACK in his voice only deepened the guilt as the emotional state of the other was obvious.

Forcing himself to sit up as well, golden eyes tried to pierce through the darkness that swallowed the room whole only to fail. There was a beat, silence CHOKING him before a sigh left him and head hung low. He knew it wasn’t his FAULT but that didn’t mean the blame didn’t lie on him. And yet, even if this wasn’t his own brother, he didn’t wish to harm him, some lingering brotherly urge to PROTECT still overcoming him.

❝   I didn’t mean it like that. I know. I know you didn’t CHOOSE for this to happen, but———  it did. And you’ve gone to two worlds now and in both, another version of you DIED. That can’t be a coincidence. And what if when we find a way to get you back, you end up in ANOTHER world and someone else dies because of it?   ❞  He still wasn’t sure how it worked, how the portal worked, but clearly there was no real assurance on what was on the other side.

[mtlwngs]

Hi, I’m lucy and I’m currently fucking everyone up with emotions.

[mtlwngs]

Just a little offer but I got 4000+ raw HD caps of Edward Elric from every episode of Brotherhood. If anyone wants the caps to make icons, just message me.

[mtlwngs]

sniperward replied to your post “heart pouring thing symbol ��”

WOW.

love the broken ed pls

[mtlwngs]

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Send ღ for my muse to pour out their heart to your muse about something that has been bothering them / @kindhughes

At his bedside, RELIEF flooding through his veins. There had been a fear that had gripped him, swallowing the alchemist WHOLE that he might not make it, that he would DIE because he had dug too deep. Dug too deep because of them, the Elrics. Not a word had escaped him as he sat there, hands clenched into tight fists that trembled. His fault. HIS FAULT. The words kept echoing in his head, how, because of them, a family had nearly lost their father. Edward knew the AGONY of losing a parent. Guilt had plagued him since the news came. Every day that passed seemed like another day, another step, towards the day Maes Hughes might be lost forever.

But here he was, ALIVE, and Ed couldn’t think of a single word to say in the hospital room. His legs longed to just RUN, to run away from it all.

❝   ———— I’m sorry,  ❞  were the first words to spill from his lips since entering the room, since sitting beside the man,  ❝   All of this, it’s OUR fault. If you hadn’t been looking into things, if you hadn’t kept pushing for OUR SAKE, none of this would have happened. You would have been at home and fine and Mrs. Hughes———  I heard her CRYING when we left. I’m sorry.  ❞