One of the most powerful gifts you can offer your lover of any gender is a safe space to cry.
To create a space where the wounded inner child finally feels safe enough to be seen, held, and expressed is a profound act of love. It requires deep trust because, from what I've witnessed in friends, relatives, and lovers, crying doesn't come easily for many people.
For me, it's different. I cry easily. And during lovemaking, tears often come. My body loves to leak. And what I know from experience is that there is something deeply shamanic that can happen when tears are welcomed instead of suppressed. As the tears flow, regenerative energy begins to flow as well. The body softens and the heart opens wider. Something ancient and hidden has the opportunity to move. A lightness in energy returns.
So much of what we carry as adults began in childhood. Those unexpressed wounds don't simply disappear; they continue shaping our relationships, choices, bodies, and the way we experience life until they are finally given permission to move.
Be the safe place where your lover can cry without needing to apologize, explain, or hold it together. Sometimes the greatest intimacy isn't found in words or even in pleasure, but in being witnessed in complete vulnerability and tenderness. It’s the kind of healing that I wish more people would allow into their lives, where they turn more toward their lovers for deep care than they do doctors and therapists. I'm not saying that lovers should replace professional care. I'm emphasizing that secure intimate relationships can be the best healing spaces.
As a woman, I believe this is something you can truly offer another only after you've first offered it to yourself. When you've learned to sit with your own tears without judgment, rushing to fix, or turning away, you become the sanctuary. Your presence communicates to your lover's nervous system something like, "baby, you are safe here. And you don't have to carry this old shit alone anymore." Whew! Paradoxically, that depth of emotional safety often becomes profoundly erotic, tantric, and just might trigger multiple effortless orgasms! -India Ame'ye
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