100 Things Spongebob Taught Me
Written by: Me, http://uhhhhgg.tumblr.com/ and http://nicolep1993.tumblr.com/
Licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.
The are thirteen bad words you should never use.
The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time.
Robots can’t laugh, love or cry.
Smitty Werbenjagermanjenson was #1.
The perfect bubble blowing technique
Lifting weights: big laughs, Frisbee in face: kills, surfing: knocks ‘em dead, pretending to drown: NO.
You don’t need a license to drive a sandwich.
A Krabby Patty with jellyfish jelly is the tastiest sandwich in the sea.
Claustrophobia means you’re afraid of Santa Claus.
Save getting naked for selling real estate.
Annoy Squidward Day is on the 15th.
Wumbology is the study of Wumbo.
Nematodes are people too.
Pioneers used to ride boulders.
Poop = People Order Our Patties
Mr. Krabs keeps the Krabby Patty secret formula at home under his mattress.
You have to be ASSERTIVE to get what you want!
The Krusty Krab is the finest eating establishment ever established for eating
Moss always points to civilization.
Good people don’t rip other people’s arms off.
Plankton = 1% Evil, 99% hot gas.
Seaweed = 50% seas, 50% weed.
Mayonnaise is not instrument. Horse radish is not an instrument either.
Don’t stand to close to a squirrel; you’ll catch it’s stupid.
Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died.
People talk loud when they want to act smart.
The Krusty Krab walls always ooze green slime.
Never run for a bus, especially one that’s going up at a 90 degree angle.
Squidward invented jelly-fishing.
The alphabet has 486 letters in the future.
When in doubt, pinky out.
Too many Krabby Patties will go right to your thighs, and then you blow up.
F is friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me. N is for anywhere and anytime at all, down here in the deep blue sea.
Shaved, that’s a hairdo, case closed.
Playing the clarinet attracts a sea bear. So does waving your flashlight back and forth really fast, eating cubed cheese, wearing a sombrero in a goofy fashion, wearing clown shows or a skirt, and screeching like a chimpanzee.
The sound of a sea bear attack attracts a sea rhinoceros.
The mechanisms of Patrick’s mind are an enigma.
The Krusty Krab pizza is the pizza for you and me.
Squirrel-patterned baldness is quite common in small mammals.
How to make a Krabby Patty.
Spongebob as 74 good noodle stars.
Patrick doesn’t have to be stupid until 4:00 pm.
No one’s taken a break at the Krusty Krab since the Chum Famine of ‘59’.
Mr. Krabs claws aren’t just for attracting mates.
A Krabby Patty is good for your soul.
Living in a fruit is unhealthy.
All bubble blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every evil bodied patron in the bar.
Yo ho, yo ho, near the hooks I’ll never go.
Double Weenie Wednesday was moved to Friday, and Mega Weenie Monday is now on Sunday.
Spongebob’s Pretty Patties negatively effected 46,853 people.
The only people who don’t like a Krabby Patty have never tasted one.
Spongebob uses Coral Blue #3 semi-gloss lipstick.
The Dutchman’s treasure is 10,000 paces east of the seaweed with two leaves on it.
If you’re lucky, Mr. Talent will rub his tentacles on your art.
Spongebob’s impression of Mystery is terrible.
If you’re hauled to the surface by the hooks, they’ll cook you, then eat you, or worse: GIFT SHOPS.
Mr. Krab’s blender cost $24.95, his toaster cost $32.50, his food processor cost $62.67 and his coffee maker was a gift.
Mr. Krabs has had his register since it was just a little calculator.
It takes more than one squirrel to change a light bulb because they’re so darn stupid.
Suilliam’s eyebrow is big and valuable.
Stupidity isn’t a virus, but it sure is spreading like one.
The Krusty Krab was formerly the Rusty Krab, a retirement home.
Behind movie screens is solid concrete.
Plankton’s full name is Sheldon J. Plankton.
The Krabby Patty secret formula is a 100% all-secret Krabby Patty, secretly assembled with undersea cheese, pickles, lettuce,, tomato, onion, all secretly steamed between two fluffy seaweed seed buns.
The phrase “coral” is DEFINITELY out.
It took Tom the fish and his family three days to make that potato salad. THREE DAYS!!
In Texas, they call ice cream Frozen Cow Juice.
Spongebob has failed his boating exam 1,258,056 times, according to Mr. Fitz, of the Boating School Teachers Accreditation Bureau.
Plankton went to college.
Sea creatures are better than land creatures.
No one who’s ever gone to Shell City has ever returned from Shell City, except Spongebob and Patrick.
Plan Z is evil, diabolical and lemon scented.
We Shall never deny a guest, even the most ridiculous request.
Patrick loves being purple.
Spongebob has been Employee of the Month 26 months in a row.
Spongebob’s first words were: “Can I take your order?”
Sea monsters have made great strides in the fields of science and literature.
There’s evidence of aliens all around us: Atlantis, cowlicks, 99 cent stores, and those kelp circles that show up over night.
Evil = Every Villain Is Lemons
Manray has checks with little poodles on them.
Prune ice cream goes right through Mermaid Man every time.
Spongebob is ugly and proud.
Old people are full of wisdom and experience.
If we were meant to fly, we’d have propellers on our heads and engines on our backs.
Plankton’s favorite food is holographic meatloaf.
Spongebob doesn’t get colds, he gets the suds.
Spongebob is the only guy who can have fun with a jelly fish for 18 hours.
Squilliam looks hot in his underwear.
Patrick loves fried oyster skins.
Insultin’ a man’s ship be worse than insultin’ his mother.
Mr. Krabs has seen people die from exploding pies 11 times.
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