Mutt Life

Tales from the road

[muttly19]

THOSE WERE supposed to be my marks

My bruises.

MY SCARS.

And i was supposed to be yours.

[muttly19]

Please let me be your precious pet.

I promise, daddy, I'll do my best.

Pat your lap if you want cuddles, I'll eagerly jump up. Otherwise, I'll be content at your feet, just knowing I'm where I belong.

Because all this guessing is making me so uncertain, I don't know what to do with myself- I'm the world's most useless girlfriend... But I could be a great pet for you, with a bit of training and a little help.

[muttly19]

If I could, I'd leave me for someone better. So no, I'm not mad. I'm not jealous. Just insecure, and I'm sorry.

[muttly19]

Those were the good old days, when I could pay my rent in 3 hours and have the rest of the month to feel depressed about it. It may not have been "winning" but at least I was eating back then.

[muttly19]

Those painful moments between solitude and dreams, those are by far the hardest. Seconds easily stretch into sleepless hours and I almost miss his imprisoning embrace. Almost, but not quite.

[muttly19]

[iambrillyant]

“keep watering yourself until you feel like you again.”

— iambrillyant

[muttly19]

After a rough breakup, I'm feeling broken and lost and acting like a child by trying to drown my sorrows & insecurities in alcohol and worse.

A friend (who I didn't even know I had in my corner) took me aside to tell me these exact words:

"I've known you long enough to know when you're on the hard shit. Please take care of yourself. Your life means more than you know."

Because of you, friend, I will sleep- even alone, even if it hurts. I will eat breakfast. And dinner. I will do everything I can to nourish my body and avoid worrying those who care about me. I'm sorry to make you suffer my own personal pain.

Another part of me is dying to know, what gave it away? The makeup, the half-put-together outfit, the crying eyes or the subtle and sudden loss of weight ? Or is the deadness in my aura just radiating for everyone to see? Please. Someone tell me. So I can hide this pain. So I can protect the people I care about.

[muttly19]

If I hadn't already broken my knuckles I would hit something right now I swear to the gods...

[deceptivelips]

“I hope there are days when your coffee tastes like magic, your playlist makes you dance, strangers make you smile, and the night sky touches your soul. I hope there are days when you fall in love with being alive.”

— Brooke Hampton

[muttly19]

[muttly19]

[muttly19]

Obituary

If I catch a bullet, while in this industry / please don't put me in the papers, please don't make my family see / this place where I have fallen, the woman I pretend to be.

No, if I die for a bucket dollar bills / Please, just omit my name / if you must tell this tragic tale / spare me the morbid 15-minute-fame.

Just tell my loved ones I loved them, that I'm sorry it's been so long- and i promise that I'll call them, when I'm done doing wrong.

Because when I don't pick up the phone, it's not that I don't care / I'm just so afraid it would hurt them, if they ever saw me here.

[muttly19]

Original photo edit using lyrics from the song “Street Lights” by artist Ekoh. This line haunted me long after the song had played…. “When you come home, no one will be waiting for you, so long, that you’ve been away.”

[muttly19]

Original photo edit Inspired by Jacob Lee’s lyrics to the song “Demons”

[muttly19]

Original poem layered over original photo & artwork.

[muttly19]

Part 3, lyric project...