ugh.

[[ ic vent blog for firkle. ooc knowledge only. ]]

[my-guts]

if you're only around because you fucked everything else up, don't expect me to want any more shit to do with you than i did in the first place.

[my-guts]

so this year, we're going to be burning the name of someone we knew. i knew it'd come eventually, but i didn't think it'd be someone any of us liked.

michael and raven probably won't handle it well. i don't know if we should even do our new years tradition, but then i'd feel as cheap as the assholes we're spiting when we do it.

... and it's funny, just yesterday morning michael texted me saying things were picking up.  that pete is happy enough to be playing guitar again.  that raven's okay.  that he's okay.  and that soon i'd feel better, and maybe we could ring in the new year on a positive note.

it's weird how fast things can change. 

[my-guts]

can't do relationships. still dating filmore after how long, now.

[my-guts]

shine on, you traitorous pieces of shit.

[my-guts]

as soon as you have him, i'm not of any interest anymore.  but who's surprised.

fucking conformists.

[my-guts]

and don't develop crushes or make friends because that goes just as fabulously.

[my-guts]

in trouble for someone else's lie. okay.

not like i've been finding the broflovskis nearly as worth my time as michael has been, for whatever reason. 

[my-guts]

i'm kind of jealous, though. michael gets some guy to pander to his fetish even when he's in a fucking psyche ward -- which, ok, to be honest, it sounds like only people in the psyche ward in the first place would want to do it, but really.

'yeah your friends have made my brother's life miserable and you won't even lift a finger to stop them but let me give you a boner while we're here.'

how do you even find someone like that when here i am stuck with filmore and ike.

someone i can't stand, and the probably future boyfriend of somebody i can't fucking stand. whatever. 

[my-guts]

i ddddon't know why i keep bothering to talk to him. just easier to pretend he doesn't exist again. 

[my-guts]

ew.  i cannot believe i'm suggesting filmore is hardcore.

[my-guts]

it's not jealousy, but. watching him and ike talk drives me nuts.

like some stupid itch under my skin that i can't scratch without ripping it open first.

i'd rather have the plague than deal with this.

[my-guts]

likes me. right.

whatever. the last thing i need is someone else who likes me, because that sure went well.

[my-guts]

don'tttttt care. caring just complicated everything.

don't. 

[my-guts]

go away.

[dekutree]

[my-guts]

abigaillx:

the actual, physical ache you feel in your chest and in your bones when you’re so sad is fucking awful.

[my-guts]

if it wasn't so cold, i probably would wear a skirt. south park's weather is just as fucking trashy as the city, and the people it hosts. 

[my-guts]

i really want to unfollow him for a while.

ugh.