My Fake Empire

Pickin' apples, making pies

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personal quotes to brighten your day!

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D-day

Nobody reads this and yet the thought of my outlet being gone in two days bring about the final sense of closure for me.

I continue to ride the ebbs and flows of tears… one day I’d like to see as it is. Instead it is a flip flop of feeling foolish for the things i have said about how I feel, foolish for thinking this was real and pain for not being enough.

My girl said something profound. She…

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Purgatory

That has to be what this state I find myself currently in is. Such a mind fuck right now.

Part of me is so relieved to be off the hook so to speak. To not be waiting on word you have 10 minutes and rushing to meet you. To not only be a few hours somewhere, knowing we are never fully alone. To not be driving home alone, knowing damn well where you are going.

And then between those…

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End of an Era

End of an Era

With Amelia’s due date behind me, and nothing but open road ahead of me, it is only fitting that I would receive notice my hosting is set to expire on the 19th. As much as I panic at the thought of not having this connection anymore, it is the universe talking and I am listening.

So deep thought today … is anyone faithful anymore? Honest? Genuine? Does love mean anything? Through all of my…

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Light bulb

Stuck in awful Cleveland traffic in the first snowfall of the 2014-15 winter season, something came to me.

Now I know why the build up to yesterday was so intense. That was it. The last thing holding us together, that invisible thread across the ether.

Now there is nothing. Nothing looming. Nothing but open road ahead. My upper body is actually sore from holding on to you so tight. The whole…

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The Morning After

Today is my day to reshape myself, the ohoenix rising from the ash. And believe me yesterday was awful painful fire. It still lingers a bit as I feel weepy a bit still this morning.

Something happened yesterday I didn’t expect. When going through something tumultuous in life, some time and space makes things not as clear or tangible as they were in the past. An unexpected visit yesterday sent…

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The Universe is Loud

The Universe is Loud

And yet us mere mortals still choose to ignore it.

As I wrap up one of the most emotional days of my life, I’m taken to one of my favorite past times – hidden meanings and symbolism.

The number 13. Wow I had no idea. The things I learned sent me back into tears again.

13th letter of alphabet is M We started this journey in 2013. I found out Amelia had no heartbeat 3/13 Her due date 11/13 And we…

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Happy Birthday Amelia

The day I dreaded is upon me and it’s worse than I imagined.

I should be happy. You should be safe in my arms. This pain shouldn’t even be a possibility.

To be able to count your tiny fingers and toes, listen to your sweet baby grunts, see those beautiful blue green eyes trying to focus amid a head full of dark hair. Calm your cries when you realize you are safe in my arms. The most perfect…

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No words for how I feel Then this came up in my pinterest feed and said it perfectly.

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Daily Tumblr Love Quotes

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Flashback December 10 2013

Flashback December 10 2013

Or perhaps foreshadowing …

The emotional roller coaster I have been on of late is splattered all over my blog, my face and my heart. I had another dip Friday night, sitting alone in a parking lot watching snow fall and then something weird happened.

I thought it was a paradigm shift between us, I thought something maybe changed. As the days have passed, I realize I have disconnected.

When I was…

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T-3 days and letting go

T-3 days and letting go

Saul,

I have so many words in my head and heart still. Buzzing around like a million angry bees struggling to get out. For the most part, I’ve learned to ignore them but sometimes their incessant buzzing takes me to the brink of sanity.

I come here and write to nobody and hope it will somehow one day help. Somehow one day not be something I need to do. I truly don’t know anymore.

I am full of…

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Love is … Ha, right.

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Brick

Stubborn, foolish, naive, romantic girl. That would be me. The week I’ve dreaded is upon me. Has it really been 7 months? Am I really standing on the other side? I am.

Was a busy, good weekend full of love ans smiles and laughs. Kept myself moving because each empty moment, not that there were many, took me to her. How unfair it all really is. How fresh the pain still is, continues to be.

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Some more realizations

Today is a special day in our house. A day to reflect on how far we have come and how there are truly only the limits we place in our way.

Was gearing up to write annual letter last night, late and sleepy having cleaned like a fool for a party here today, when I realized. I had no pictures dedicated to this day for last year. I had written the letter and clearly celebrated but I was so wrapped…

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