February 14th 2022
Who helps the helper? I thought today was going to be an easy breezy day with work ask some questions about love let them share and move forward. And here they are asking me hella questions I couldn’t even answer. Here’s a mixture of them: “Have you ever been in love?”
“How do you know?”
“Do you believe in love?”
“Do you believe in marriage & soulmates?”
“When do you give up on someone you love that doesn’t want you?”
“Will you ever stop loving someone that died?”
“What if you love someone & they don’t love you”
It’s so funny working and navigating through shit and trying to figure your own shit out while still trying to balance and work. Did they know I didn’t have all the answers? Did they know I had just cried before meeting w them and I was dealing with my own shit? Did they fucking know 😂😭 I’m laughing because it’s just funny you know. Learning it’s okay to not have all the answers.
Love is funny. I’m scared of it. Because when I love I’m vulnerable, I am open, I am exposed. And sure it’s ideal when with a partner but what about when you get hurt? Being in love and hurt cuts the deepest. Why? Because I am open, I am vulnerable, I am exposed. It’s so bittersweet.
I’ve been single since 2018 and now more than ever I feel my feelings. I feel uncomfortable. I am experiencing emotions I would rather avoid. I’m on social media and see the pressure for relationships. The longing for a partner to spend your life with. It’s all so much. So heavy. So weighted. So I just wonder. I pray often and I wonder. Pray for lighter days and pray to love myself so that I can find a love that makes me feel secure. Scrolling often and it’s scary out here yall, be safe.
