for a while now i have been working on and towards somethings, and over time it has become incredibly hard to stay positive, sometimes its okay other times its not, working towards something that your heart wants and desires, then not being able to acheive that, time after time is such a heart breaking experience, focousing energy, health and life around these goals can be mentally and emotionally draining.
I keep hearing, all in good time, good things come to those who wait. well what about good things come to those who ask for it? I'm not sure if youve met me, but im an incredibly impulsive person, always have been. It's not often I wait for things if I know I can have them sooner than originally thought. There are days I wake up hopeless... hungry but hopeless, running on empty, just pure done! I hear from friends, get some encouragement, try something new, they tell me so I do, then I get up dust myself off, and try again and again, only to meet the same fate, nothing, empty, emotional, done, im done waiting im done trying, im done every time getting the result i dont want, and the feeling of defeat washing over me, once i came close, so close, but that was just life giving a taste of something only to take it away the next day, "it wasnt meant for you" it all feels pointless, and gives a feeling of worthlesness.
Everyone around me has reached the goal they wanted, some are on a second or 3rd, without even trying, i thought last year was the year, but it wasnt, i said thats it, no more, but i couldnt help myself, i tried again, and again, nothing. ...what do I do next??? ...Taking a break, focus on me, my health, walk more, go to the beach, swim, go to brunch with friends, maybe reconnect with prayer, reconnect with life, find my place with god again....enjoy life a little more, maybe taking a break will be good for me. I hope that maybe taking a break will be just what I need, a little bit of a reset, so my body can be normal for a couple of months. Shifting my focus from one goal that I have prepared so hard for, been so excited for, I need to shift my energy, shift my focus, and one day, when im ready again ill be able to finally be where I need to be. Maybe then will i get the result I want, and not feel hopeless, empty, defeated. Only time will tell i guess.
prguitarman
gummygunk
stormborns
areudirty
vaporwave
janainaart
annaxmalina
