My Kids Have Some Concerns

They need some answers. Who's running this place, anyway?

[mykidshavesomeconcerns]

E's responses to my questions about Zoo camp: What did you do today? First they locked us in these cardboard cages, but they got mad when we broke out of them, so then they shut us in a minivan, but they took off so fast we couldn't even fasten our seat belts, and they made us go to the liquor store with them and forced us to drink ghost pepper beer, and it burned so badly that we had to go to the hospital and get this horrible antibiotic- I can still feel the burning! Then they took us to 7-11 for spicy Pepsi slurpees, which didn't help AT ALL, then they took is back to our classroom for a 3 hour beating, then we got 30 seconds to eat lunch, then they were normal and you picked us up. What did you have for snack? They gave us the poop & pee dirt from the floor of the giraffe enclosure. What animal came to your classroom? They brought a tiger to the classroom to give us beatings. I think I'm the only one without claw marks on me. What's one thing you learned today? That spicy red wine DOES NOT taste as good as it looks.

[mykidshavesomeconcerns]

‪Husband: Why am I so tired l the time?‬ ‪6yo: Seriously, you want me to answer all your dumb questions?‬

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Today E learned we have a youtube channel with videos of our kids & cats.

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E made toast by putting the plate in the toaster oven with the bread.

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I'm gonna look for SHIPWRECKS in your BUTT!!!

-C might not find what he's looking for.

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E: Feels good to be off on Saturday. Mom: When do you *not* have a Saturday off?? E: On Monday.

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C is in the basement rhythmically bellowing his name through tears for what I'm sure is a very good reason.

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Me: It's never too late to make a new friend! C: Well, it is if you're dead.

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E, reclining on the porch with a can of lemonade: It's crazy- you wake up at what feels like 5:30 on Monday to go to Spanish, and next thing you know it's Friday afternoon and you're chilling with lemonade. [sage nod] [attempts to crush can on his head]

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C, to his swim teacher: My dad is sick from drinking too much alcohol at our block party last night!

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From Dad:

C: Dad, what will the Earth be like when everyone's dead? [Time passes.] C: Dad, I'm scared about the sun turning into a big red giant.

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C: [furtive trip to trashcan right in front of me]. I finished my broccoli! Can I have a piece of candy now?

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E: Mom, you know what I'd do if I had a portal gun? I'd put one portal in the toilet under the seat, and put the other one under my butt so I could pee and poop while I play minecraft.

[mykidshavesomeconcerns]

How many kinds of things are there in the world?

-C

[mykidshavesomeconcerns]

C: I never want to have children! Me: You don't have to, Buddy. C: If I have children, they might try to hurt me like I try to hurt dad. Me: You try to hurt dad??? C: Well, he is a silly dad and I try to stop his dumb jokes. And if I was a silly daddy, my children might want to stop ME!

[mykidshavesomeconcerns]

E has been being a nuisance in the classroom, and I'm pretty mad about it. I made him write his teacher an apology. This was his finished product.