UnspokenWords UnrevealedFeelings

Booklover. Wanderlust. Dreamer. Frustrated Baker. Frustrated Photographer.

[myoneandonlyrsf]

Last night's dream

I haven't open this for some time, now. I've been doing good so far. We haven't chat since the day I said goodbye. But, last night's dream lead me to this entry.

Doctor's episode 15 was my last though. Good night lullaby was the last song I heard. I haven't seen anything related to him from news feed since,I unfollowed our common friends. I did everything that I can just to get rid of everything that reminds me of him but,why do I dream of him?

It was a clear view of him... wearing the outfit he's wearing in his profile picture with a smile on his face that caught my attention back then... In that dream, I was with my office friends until someone called me to say that there is someone looking for me, as I turn my back, there he is, walking towards me with that killer smile on his face. He kissed me on the cheeks, told me he missed me, asked me why I am no longer sending messages to him. At that moment, I just smiled, sit beside him silently without breaking the eye contact and then, I fell asleep on his shoulders when I woke up, he's already gone... He left me with a letter and things that I don't know what to do with. On that dream, I did not read the letter, I just scanned the items he left with that letter. Those are photos of him with the girl he last considered as his girlfriend... the photo I gave him in exchange with his graduation picture. I felt the pain he's been through... I saw how serious he was with that girl... When I decided to read the letter he wrote, I wake up.

I woke up with tears falling from my eyes. Is it a nightmare?

When will I forget you, completely?

Love,

M

[myoneandonlyrsf]

@titawitty 's thought of the week from "The sana payat na lang ako, payat pa rin, payat na lang ulit and other wishes planner 2018" 😂😂 #mykindoficebreaker

[myoneandonlyrsf]

Last Page

We all go through something in life, it shouldn't affect your social life. Yes, I know that and still, I chose to do the opposite.

I would like to send my sincere apology to the people who considered me as a friend even though I'm pushing them away. Some are my so called best friends. I'm not good at it and I don't know how to make it sound sincere, but really, I'm sorry. I admit that there are times that I know I might hurt them but, I still push to do those things. It hurts me too, believe me. But for me, it's an easier way because I know, you'll walk away from me, soon.

This year, I am choosing myself. I am being selfish but, who cares? No one will choose 'me' except me. I always feel that I am just an option, to best friends, friends and sometimes, even at work. It will be 'me' because they didn't have a choice. They will ask me to go somewhere or do something because, everyone's busy.

To my friends, best friends, you don't have to call me or treat me as one if you don't feel like it. It will be less painful for me if you'll show me who I really am to you. I appreciate honesty so much. I am not that numb to compare actions to words.

To the one friend that I can share my thoughts with despite everything that happened, thank you. (You know who you are). Thank you for not making me feel like I am just an option. Thank you for making me believed that you are still there. I'm sorry for causing you pain.

People will get tired to break down the walls that I build around me and that's not surprising. They will say that they get used to it, me pushing them away. Me talking to no one. But, that person is wrong. There is someone who understands my silence and still ask how I am. It's ironic that the person who told me that she will always be there for me is the same person who always makes me feel like I am just an option not through words but, her actions says it all. It's okay but, don't act as if I am the one who left.

My biological mother chose to left me. Now, tell me how can I expect someone to stay?

I know they are tired reaching out. I am tired too, tired running away, tired explaining, tired understanding and in the end, I still feel that I am just an option.

They say that in order to be happy, you must remove the toxic people in your life. In my case, maybe it's me, the toxic person. As this year starts, I'll remove myself from their lives, not because I love the chase but because, we are old enough for dramas and all. I should start living without depending on anyone anymore. I should embrace the fact that it will always be just me.

To the friends and best friends who think that I pushed them away, I'm sorry. Thank you for trying to break down the walls. I appreciate everything you've done for me and my family. Sorry, I am not the 'friend' or 'best friend' that you deserve. You'll be starting your 2018 right. I wish you success, more blessings and genuine happiness.

I am now setting you free.

I will always remember the good times,

M

[books-n-quotes]

I never realized what a big deal that was. How amazing it is to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head.

Nina LaCour, Hold Still (via books-n-quotes)

[myoneandonlyrsf]

Tale as old as time 🌹💕 #childlike

[myoneandonlyrsf]

Finally 😍 Thank you, Belle and Tin. 💕 (at UP AyalaLand Technohub)

[myoneandonlyrsf]

Merry Christmas! ☺🎄🎉🎅 More blessings to come to you and your family! Have a joyful day ahead! 🍻

[myoneandonlyrsf]

😍😍😍 An awesome gift from an awesome person ☺💕 -- Thaaaaaaank you so much, cousin in law (Ate). Hihi ✌ Much love 😘💕

[books-n-quotes]

Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.

J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (via books-n-quotes)

[myoneandonlyrsf]

You are my favorite everything ♪ #mykindofsunset #yesterday

[myoneandonlyrsf]

It's been a while. We miss you @resnalupina 😘💕 Cheers to more years of friendship 😉🍻 (at Under the Sea)

[myoneandonlyrsf]

It might hurt you but, it may also lead you to the happiness that you deserve 💕

[myoneandonlyrsf]

I suddenly miss the ray of sunlight... 🌫

[myoneandonlyrsf]

I can't, but WE can.

[myoneandonlyrsf]

It is. Really is. 😉 P.S sorry, I can't get enough of Kean ✌

[myoneandonlyrsf]

My love for you will never die... If only you could hear me shout your name ♪💕 -- Surreal. I was that close to him 😍 #fangirling (at UP AyalaLand Technohub)

[cwote]

You got this!

[myoneandonlyrsf]

I got this!