I feel like being an active consumer and participant of the World Wide Web especially at a younger age can make a person develop traits that are observed in people with aspd or other personality disorders. Even on itself this is a bold claim to make, but you should be grateful I’m not one of those people who confidently go on about how these circumstances are actually what make people this way as a concept, in their existence. This post, and this blog as a whole, is actually about me refraining from voicing the unpopular opinions I have, the ones that nobody talks about because it’s unconventional, but what’s going on in my head is essentially even more than all of this, because it is based on my personal experience that I have lived through
Some examples that I’ve been pondering about. The part in my brain that is responsible for apologizing is almost atrophied. Why? Because I have learnt to twist a situation where I’m wrong into a situation where someone is more right than me, the person who is so lucky to rely on that person’s grace and kindness to even bear with me in the first place. If I run late to a class or event, I don’t apologize. I thank the teachers and organisers and other people who I owe the apology to, for allowing me to attend even with a delay, for both creating the situation I was rushing to, and for letting me in there anyways, especially when I show my appreciative side. On top of me being perceived as a person who sees those little things that most people silently take for granted, I am also considered confident, the person who is least likely to overapologize while holding onto a fleeting moment of weakness. At least, that’s what I think that others think of me. This behavioral model that I took the adult decision to implement based on a picture I saw online has its own benefits, while also making me experience and showcase psychological phenomena which could be dissected as symptoms of some antisocial disorder
Another example. Mob mentality. Cancel culture. Which started out as a way for people with strong sense of social justice and morality to bond together and find public figures and companies to rightfully boycott for their questionable choices. But what it led to, as the school of thought continued and more people caught on, was attacks on people for the sake of unleashing the repressed rage that people cannot get out of them in any other contexts out of the fear of social exclusion and seeming too dangerous or over the top, which is the opposite of antisocial behavior, however, when they get online and shape the discourse, something changes in them; they show no mercy as soon as a once beloved creator or a tolerated corporation messes up, they doxx people, they send disgusting threats, if they’re a part of a demographic that was tackled distastefully in the first place, all of that anger is only going to make the person who mumbled that piece of hate speech online is only going to start that demographic more. My most controversial opinion is that if jk Rowling, as much as I disagree with her and despise what she has been up to for the past couple of years, I theorize that if she hadn’t been attacked online as much as she was twice as long ago as she actually started to influence the British politics by her donations, the state of things would be different. That isn’t to say that everyone deserves a redemption arc, but that is to say that whatever the cancel culture online users were up to was completely ineffective. Cancel culture seems like bastardization of boycott culture, which actually helps people and society get over things that have proven themselves as a mark of the past with the outdated ideas of the past; and in that sense, when the mob hits the hype, at one point the supporters of yet another cancelling party start to forget the origins of it, simply trying to reconnect the events where their memory stored their emotion of ruthless anger. Which is a real phenomenon, the memories of a person experiencing emotions associated with the event, but not the specifics
That is why, when people try to look me in the eyes, they probably don’t see anything. I’m fine by that. I’m an adjuster member of society overall even with that in mind
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