I don't know how to stop my younger self from crying when all I want is a hug from my mom but mom is my trauma...

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@mytherapi
I don't know how to stop my younger self from crying when all I want is a hug from my mom but mom is my trauma...
I don't know how to stop my younger self from crying when all I want is a hug from my mom but mom is my trauma...
Thank you @xxhurrikanxx and everyone who got me to 50 reblogs!
So the whole family just agreed that it's okay for parents to disrespect their child and force us to have blind obedience. Godddd!!! I've never screamed so loud in my head that these mfs are straight out canceled in my life. You can't just throw around the word 'family' if it means that someone will suffer.
healing involves a lot more grieving than you’d expect. progress hurts. you’re moving on from things that happened but also things you wished would happen and never did. mourning does not mean you are not getting better.
What hurts more than being burned by hell’s flames is having a casual talk with your parents and realizing the exact moment they become manipulative and start victimizing themselves. It’s like you see a whole deterioration arc in the span of two minutes.
And you can’t help but curse yourself, because you will forget this all willingly the next moment they show their nice side again.
He never wanted us, never.
I don't feel like there's someone who I can call family. I don't have a family. This isn't family. Family doesn't hit you. Family doesn't... Maybe family does hit you. Maybe family does curse you. Maybe you are supposed to be scared of family. Maybe you are supposed to feel alone when you're with family. Maybe you are supposed to find every opportunity you can to stay out of your house. Maybe you're supposed to be criticized, yelled at or have disappointed looks/comments waiting for you. Maybe your mother is supposed to blame you for her life failing. Maybe your parents are supposed to never trust you. Maybe your father is supposed to make you feel like you'll never, ever, be enough. Maybe sisters do yell at you for every little mistake you make cause let's face it, you're not a child are you? You became an adult when you were 10 and lost your childhood and now you're an adult with crippling anxiety and 0 will to live.
I was the youngest trying to carry everyone else, being the rock, the cord keeping everyone together and now here I am with the aftermath, the damage and I only have me to collect myself.
my mom called me her most responsible child yesterday i can't handle this sort of pressure
my sister hates me
#sisterissues
Youngest of the sibs in a dysfunctional family:
an emotional punching bag of the elders
always has to do the cleaning and favors
we get picked on lots of times
we see every mistake the elder has done so we sort of become perfectionists
we don't tolerate any kind of b*llsht
no one seems to understand us
everyone thinks we're spoiled
if parents aren't satisfied with the elders' achievements, the pressure goes straight to us
we always feel left out
no one takes us seriously
we are often silenced
when someone is at fault they often put the blame on us
All these time I have been trusting my sis with everything and in a blink of an eye, she literally uses everything against me. This is where I get my trust issues from... Just wtf is wrong with ppl nowadays
The screams are so loud again.
i know my parents loved me. but i think they loved me all wrong.
joan tierney “interview with the machine woman” // personalmessage.blogpost.com // the front bottoms “father” // pinterest // pinterest // @thesolitarywordsmith on promptuarium // matt maeson “grave digger” // anonymous on promptuarium // catherine lacey “cut”// simon de beauvoir “the woman destroyed”
Them: you're so lucky for being the youngest and the favorite of all.
Me internally: Oh, you mean their favorite emotional punching bag??
When both siblings are already down and I'm their last resort..
Why can't parents talk gently to their kids?? Why is being gentle deemed weak? What did we do to deserve this type of communication??!
source: letsgetyourshifttogether