My Unpersonal Diary

[myunpersonaldiary]

March 19, 2017 - Confused.

My feelings are all so mixed up. I am confused. I am scared. I am just so afraid of future, change or whatever. Strange thoughts. Things which had never bothered me ever in my life. They haunt me, prevent me from moving forward. What if I died before doing what I was made to do? What if I died without ever making a mark in the sands of time? Do I really need to be remembered after I die? Well, after I die, I really won’t be existing to check whether someone remembers me or not. What is it that I really want to do in life?

17 years of my life are just gone without making any substantial achievement. I have no passion. Nothing to live for. More precisely, Nothing to be really excited about in the days to come. There might be a few things I am a little good at. But I am not sure exactly what is it that makes me really happy, and more importantly satisfied. What is it after doing which I will be satisfied enough to die without regrets? Is it being a physicist? Is it being a musician? Is it being rich enough to be able to buy anything? Is it just recklessly living all my life never actually realising that I am being wasteful? Sometimes, I do feel jealous of reckless carefree people. After having thought so much, I get a feeling that everything might just turn out fine. 

By the way, Tomorrow is Yash’s maths retest. The whole day was spent with him. Hope that it goes well. And when I was out of my house to see him off I found that I had been careless enough to not leave my house door open. I was locked out for 45 minutes waiting for my parents to return from Abhishek uncle’s place. Spent the time watching the first episode of Your Lie in April. Ended up watching 7 episodes in total today.

[myunpersonaldiary]

December 19, 2016 - Not so boring.. after all

Today was more exciting than yesterday. That is just because I had to go to school today. I expected that there would be no school today as our Prime Minister, Mr Narendra Modi had come to Kanpur. Elections are coming up in UP. But no, our school had to remain open. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. 

As Period Order II test had ended just recently, today received my answer scripts, corrected, and given a number based on how much I had solved the question paper( marks ). Bullshit. Of all the papers that I received today, in only one of them I had scored well. Computer Science. 39/40. I lost one mark for overdoing a question. Weird though.

Other testpapers I received today:- English Literature:- 25.5/40 English Language:- 25.5/40

Just after interval, we had our English class. But Naman came to rescue me with a written permission from Mr Seksaria that I had to go for band practice. Yeah. We are all going to Springfest - the socio-cultural event at IIT-Kharagpur. I know already that they are going to be the four best days of 2017. 

And there we were, outside White House (that’s the name of our school’s music house), discussing which song to prepare for Sargam. “We” includes :- -Vatsal Maggo -Naman W -Riddhiraj SS -Shrish Chaddha - and myself Hilarious suggestions were coming up and “Mr Rohit Sir”, was totally exasperated. We finally did decide some great numbers. Another important task was to fetch Chaddha’s guitar from his classroom which was presently under the rule of Madam Paul. Of course we finally succeeded in doing that too.

School ended at 3:00 pm. Slept on my way back home. Reached home. Slept again. Woke up at about 7:00. Had some food. Then finally turned on my laptop and studied about Sieve of Eratosthenes in order to solve Prime Generator on Codechef. And that is what I am doing right now.

Good night.

[myunpersonaldiary]

December 18, 2016 - Hmm..

Today I have decided to start writing this diary. This wild idea just came to me out of the blue. And here I am writing ... something.

Well, Sundays are usually not that happening for me. Or maybe it is my life that is not that happening. That doesn’t mean that I get bored everyday. I indulge in watching videos and shows on YouTube, and other stuff like movies and anime. And sometimes, I just spend my time thinking. I just feel lonely sometimes. I have friends yet... whatever.

I live in India and here we have a group of elite institutions called the IITs. Indian Institute(s) of Technology. It is the dream of many students to be there. And also the dream of many parents to send their kids there. It never fascinated me though. Fun Fact:- I recently quit the coaching classes for the entrance examination for 

I have been taught maths at school for as long as I can remember. I was good at it. As a result, today I am still good at maths as well as science and computer science. I believe anyone doing something long enough will eventually get good at it. Some people might take more time; some will take less. Now, the result is this that it is my responsibility to be good at these subjects. I would be a fool to stop working on maths and try different things. At this supposedly ripe age of seventeen, I have to almost decide what to do for money in my life. And here I thought I was mature now to explore.

Hmm.. enough of that useless unrelated paragraphs. What happened today? Well, nothing much until evening when I finally could divert from my daydreaming onto my computer programming(work, in simple words). Then we(me + my family) went out for dinner. I tried my hand driving at night for the first time on our way back. And that is pretty much it.

Good Night.