it takes a lot to be this awesome.

noah puckerman your favorite ues elite stud right here to save the damsels in distress. if you know me it's probably because you've screamed my name, or you wish to one day do it. the #1 badass in this concrete jungle you all wish to rule, and the modern day answer to all your wettest dreams.

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flawlessfrannie:

Don’t call me babe, Puckerman. Her royal heinous though, I liked. Well I think I just lost my dinner. I could have gone the rest of my life without knowing that. I’m not confirming or denying. I plead the fifth in regards to nudes. Your history would prove otherwise. It’s no lack of faith, Puck; just street smarts. I know better. I’ve been with the playboy type before and it never bodes well. I can’t blame you for trying though. If that was true, then wouldn’t you have snagged me a long time ago? So I suppose it’s safe to say you’re feeling better now.

I’m not saying it’s proven or anything, just saying that I got my theories. Why so full of secrets? Perhaps I’m taken out of a cheesy RomCom, and just waiting to meet that perfect girl who can supposely ‘change’ me, and will make all my dreams come true. Or maybe I just think you’re hot, and wouldn’t mind buying you a drink. Or maybe I’m just waiting for the right moment to declare my undying love for you, or something along those lines. It is, thank you.

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madsinthecity:

I’m sure I’ll be able to please him in other ways, so he can get over that. And I’m totes fine if he wants to feed me some chocolate covered strawberries, but I don’t need it. No, not like homework. Just a reminder of the kinds of things that are good for you, and bad for you. Isn’t that what everyone thinks? The only person who probs doesn’t have to worry about their abs is Zefron. I bet he’s like contractually bound to have them for the rest of his life.

Kinky. I think everyone’s down for some of those, but I get your point. Alright, I’ll give it a quick read to see what you’ve approved of. I’m basically working out every single day, so I think I’m safe from the beer belly and unsexiness that awaits most people after they hit thirty. I don’t know what that guy does, but I want to know his work-out schedule.

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scoutlynn:

Oh, you’re one of those people who get the same thing at the same places? That’s so boring, you’re in New York City. There’s like every kind of food culture and invention in the world here. Well, my dad is a co-CEO of a huge automobile business. If he wasn’t riding a sugar-and-caffeine high for most of 9-5, I’d be shocked. Excuse me, I earned my crown. It’s most like just everyone admitted defeat before they even tried. And the ones that did try fell short without me even having to attempt to retaliate. I guess it helps that most of the people I consider my friends are some of the most famous people on the Upper East Side and most of them can’t even get an invite to a NYFW show. Well if you’re gonna be surrounded by women, it might as well be chill ones. 

Pretty much. After a particularly horrendous junior prom night, I’ve sworn off high school boys. Or at least high school boys that act like high school boys. 

Pretty much, but why wait for food you don’t know what is? When it comes to my dinning spots, I play it safe. Poor dude. My bad, princess. So you had the upper hand to begin with, they saw it and decided that it was a failed mission from the start. Which is why I need to find myself someone new worthy of the Puckerman charm. Your friends might be a tad too young, but if there are any interesting chicks you can think of, feel free to send them my way.

You want to elaborate on that night, ‘cause I got a feeling of a good story coming up.

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thedancingjake:

PRIVATE

I’m not a little kid, dude. You don’t have to look out for me. I’m good on my own. Great. Ryder’s going to be happy to hear that. Honestly, I haven’t thought about it yet. …Maybe we can just pretend we’re all at different spots? And stagger to the West Side?

That we can agree on. I have been trying. It’s not like I’ve got a freaking probe up my ass that dings every time I do something sketchy. Actually I wouldn’t be surprised if that were true. Sure as hell feels like it. Thanks for the advice anyways. I’m trying to change. But it feels like I can’t shake who I used to be in high school. If I want to make it, I can’t keep screwing up like I’m you. No offense.

PRIVATE

I know you’re not a kid anymore, but that doesn’t change the fact that brothers look out for one another. We’ve got each others backs, you know? Even if we pretend, the papz sure know how to hunt all of us down. What about Atlantic City? No cameras allowed and if we keep a low profile, they shouldn’t be able to sniff us out.

That would be fucking gross anyway, but people have a thing for us.. I don’t know why, but it seems like the devil broke loose each time we lift a finger and have some fun. ... You really think I screw up that much?

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newcomermarley:

I guess so!! Uh, yeah, that’d be me. Sebastian’s new sister also seems to be another nickname I get a lot, but as you go by Puck I go by Marley. Where’ve you been at, anyhow? You missed all the “fun” filled gossip girls blasts going on lately.

Why Smythe’s sister? I don’t really pay attention to gossip, it’s usually whiney girls hiding behind laptops and that’s just something I ain’t got time for. I’ve been around places, no stories worth telling.

[tchamblers]

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blaiineanderson:

Why do I feel like I wouldn’t end up remembering the best time of my life? I mean, if you really want to get together and do something we can…? Maybe just something without a ton of alcohol.

So going to have to remember not to Google Noah Puckerman now.

The papz would take pictures for you, gelboy. There’s no way I’d disappoint you or let you black out on my watch. I’d even get you home in time for breakfast. Don’t start restricting yourself, freedom is the key to fun.

Unless you wanted to see me in the partly nude.

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newcomermarley:

Oh, Puck, got it. Nice to officially meet you, I’m Marley Rose, I dunno if you know who i am but it’s always nice to be polite! I’m friends with Jake, but I’ve never seen you around before.

I do now, and that’s what matters. You’re the new girl, right?

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thedancingjake:

PRIVATE

Whatever, Puck. All that matters if that I can take care of myself now. So you can keep your great advice. Look, Ryder and I are having a guys’ night. If you want to come, you can. None of the girls can find out and especially not the Gossip Girls. That means you have to keep quiet and not cause a scene.

Honestly, it’s better than Theo Jr. You could always read it on that stupid gossip blog, but basically everyone thinks I’m a backstabbing manwhore. I admit I screwed up by going to Marley’s after her and Ryder hung out. It didn’t really help that I got caught sneaking out the next morning. And, okay, I did make out with Kitty at the McCarthy gala. And we got caught hanging out after that. The list goes on, but I’ve been telling Lynn half-truths because I’m afraid he’ll hate me.

PRIVATE

We’re brothers, dude. Even if you couldn’t take care of yourself it’s kinda like in my job description to look out for you. I like to cause a commotion, but you know I can keep my mouth shut when needed, and a guys night out sounds wicked. Just one question, though.. How do you imagine you can take the male part of the ues crowd and make us all vanish without raising questions from the audience?

Anything is better than that asshole. Not to make it sound like that isn’t a bunch of bullshit, but it could easily be worse, man. I know you don’t want my advice and all, but try and stay out of the spotlight, especially with any chicks, as hard as it may be, and it’ll all settle down after a while. Trust me, I’m speaking from experience. You’ve been trying to avoid him getting hurt, right? Also super pissed, but you’re trying to be a friend and stuff, and that’s what matters.

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flawlessfrannie:

I never actually confirmed that I even have any. After all, imagine what could happen if someone got their hands on these rhetorical nudes? I’m not the type of woman that likes to share her man, so I think that eliminates you right away, Playboy Puckerman. Happy to not be a disappointment. Did you ever get your fill of greasy hangover cure?

Babe, c’mon. It’s 2017, even the Queen of freaking England got nudes, not the kind of nudes I’d want but you catch my drift. Who says I can’t walk the straight and narrow? Your lack of faith hurts, Fabray. It hurts. Maybe you’re the woman I’ve been waiting for all of this time? I did, and it was as epic as expected.

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thedukewildebrand:

As always, class act Puckerman.

I do have a rep to live up to. How’s it going, Wilde?

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thedancingjake:

All of the time. And this might come as a shock to you, but money can be exchanged for goods and services; ‘advice’ which hasn’t been helpful to me in I don’t know how long can’t.

Even if I did send nudes, you would be the last person I would send them to.

You’re right. I don’t. Anyways shit has seriously hit the fan if you didn’t know. I screwed up big time. Like, people are starting to call me Puck Jr kind of screwing up.

Don’t act like a bitch, alright? I give great advice, and I used to save your sorry ass all the time, so don’t start all of that.

And I am very happy of that fact.

I did not, no. Puck. Jr? Not very original. What went down and are you like, okay?

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maseinthecity:

Won’t that make the hangover worse? Than again I’ve noticed people say that bacon really helps – a friend of mine loves to eat Eggs Benedict when he’s hungover. Says it works miracles.

Salt and grease are the two best things in the world when it’s spinning, you can’t deny it. I’ve never been into the british breakfast kinda thing.. their beans are gross and just, no. So I’ll pass on those in the future no matter what kind of miracles they come with.

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scoutlynn:

At pretty much any decent diner in New York City. And I guess anyone who had a decent knowledge of their way around a kitchen could make one on their own, but my guess is that that doesn’t include a lot of people on the Upper East Side. That’s not really that much of a girly frou-frou drink compared to an iced coconut milk mocha macchiatto with whipped cream, which is Ryder’s usual order. Just kidding. It’s my dad’s. To be honest, it’s not that tight of a grip. Constance and St. Jude’s is just sorely lacking in people with enough social ambition to oppose me. Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize the only people in your posse were whining women. 

You and many others.

I guess that’s what you get for always going to the same spots. I’ll actually bother to read a menu the next time. Or maybe not, but I’ll def try. I honestly don’t even know what that shit is, but I have an idea of it being sugary as fuck, and keeping you caffeinated for hours on end. So the losers basically handed you the crown? That’s pretty weak of them. Mainly women, but it comes with the name, so it’s not like it’s news.

Bet you make the St. Judes crowd cry themselves to sleep at night.

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elitequinn:

I will go out to any place of your choosing if you can name one aspiration or achievement you actually followed through with and accomplished that didn’t involve booze, drugs, getting someone naked or eating disgusting combination/amount of food.

... You’re no fun, Fabray.

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blaiineanderson:

Liquid courage sounds like it’s going to equal big mistake the next day. I’ve been there, I got the tourist t-shirt, I’m good. It’s not so much the surviving, it’s more the not knowing what we’d even be doing. I feel like you get into some…morally ambiguous things. 

I suppose that’s something at least. Still a lot of information, but I have a better mental image now. Not that I’m thinking about that! You mentioned it and it’s a little odd to think about your friends walking in to deliver you food and you’re in the nude.

Hey, a real night out with the one and only Noah Puckerman means three things. 1. You’ll have the best fucking time of your life. 2. You’ll definitely want to do it again. and C. 1 and 2. It’s all worth it man, I promise.

‘Course you weren’t. Half the city’s seen my bare ass somehow, so it wouldn’t be breaking news no matter how hard they tried to get it on the cover.

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newcomermarley:

Y-You’re Jake’s older brother right? Noah?

I go by Puck, babe, but I sure am.